Dearest Rachel – At the end of many a classic Western, the hero adjusts his white hat, declares “My work here is done,” and rides off into the sunset. It’s always the sunset; he never takes a break to sleep all that hard work off, and ride off in the morning, when he’d have moreContinue reading “The Sunset Isn’t Here Yet”
Monthly Archives: August 2021
Thousands of Hours to Go
Dearest Rachel – I went through three VCRs trying to figure out what was going wrong. It turned out that the reason there was no adequate picture was because I shouldn’t have plugged the connection in all the way. I think I’m gonna have to go back and explain this to you. Let me justContinue reading “Thousands of Hours to Go”
Permission to Skip
Dearest Rachel – This may seem inappropriate, but I feel the need to address this. Less than a week ago, I admitted to you that there were times when I just didn’t feel inspired to write you, but did so nonetheless. Which, I suppose, resulted in what an editor (were I to have one) wouldContinue reading “Permission to Skip”
The Day You Said ‘Yes’
Dearest Rachel – It’s hard to remember sometimes, but there was a time when the idea of ‘us’ wasn’t a foregone conclusion. On the other hand, as of this day, thirty years ago, it was, for all intents and purposes. It was but a question of when. After all, you had spent time with usContinue reading “The Day You Said ‘Yes’”
from Rachel: Planned For God’s Pleasure
“4/24 “I could and should start doing house work as if I were doing it for Jesus. Especially the jobs I don’t like and generally procrastinate; washing dishes, hanging up clothes, and sorting and cleaning up messy piles.” Dearest Rachel – Interesting to see this entry now, just as I’d been learning about ‘secondary losses’Continue reading “from Rachel: Planned For God’s Pleasure”
Group Therapy
Dearest Rachel – It’s surprising to consider how busy my weekends are, especially when I’m getting questions from strangers about whether or not I’m free, and I have to answer ‘well, no, not really.’ Today has been a little bit more than usual, however. For what it’s worth, Pastor Joel seems to think I’m readyContinue reading “Group Therapy”
Not the Best of Hosts
Dearest Rachel – Well, the girls came over last night. It’ll be the last time for the better part of a month, as Ellen will be out of town visiting her mom next week, and then I’ll be in Colorado on this men’s retreat the next. So, three weeks until next time. Clever me, IContinue reading “Not the Best of Hosts”
Not Feeling It
Dearest Rachel – As characters in our own dramas (or, more likely, sitcoms – has it ever occurred to anyone that those experiencing life within those sitcoms doesn’t find what’s happening to them to be funny? We are, as audience members, more likely than not laughing at their pain), we are generally oblivious to ourContinue reading “Not Feeling It”
Talking to Thin Air
Dearest Rachel – There are some days in which I have to confess I’m not all that motivated to write you these letters. Sometimes it’s that I’m distracted by other things that require me to respond to them, so I spend my writing energy on something – or someone – else, thus causing what IContinue reading “Talking to Thin Air”
Red Tape
Dearest Rachel – Last night was the Bible study on Zoom, as per usual for the last year and a half. One of the regulars generally start things off with a joke. To give you an idea of the level of humor, here was this week’s offering: Question: How do bureaucrats wrap their Christmas presents?Continue reading “Red Tape”
Leave Behind a Morsel
Dearest Rachel – Back in the 70s and 80s, my great aunt Belva participated in a ministry for international students attending Northwestern; inviting them over for a home-cooked meal, introducing them to our church community, that sort of thing. She had a great knack for keeping in touch with ‘her students’ after they graduated andContinue reading “Leave Behind a Morsel”
Poor Impulse Control
Dearest Rachel – And this… is why you never shop hungry. There’s a lot of things I’ve been doing with more frequency now that I am the lone adult in the household. Yes, yes, I know Daniel is officially an adult, but he is still a dependent child as long as he lives here, IContinue reading “Poor Impulse Control”
We Are All Hikikomori… Again
Dearest Rachel – We acknowledged it between the two of us, but rarely spoke of it outside of the home. The convocation when he first enrolled at Judson spoke of their mascot, the eagle, and how the adults made their nest less and less comfortable over time, so as to encourage their eaglets, as theyContinue reading “We Are All Hikikomori… Again”
Sunday Rush
Dearest Rachel – After a couple of days of relative quiet upon enrolling on this dating app, starting this morning, things went somewhat crazy. I’m not complaining, exactly, but the ‘feast or famine’ situation – if this is what the typical experience is like – is a bit disorienting. As I mentioned previously, for theContinue reading “Sunday Rush”
The Day of Surgery
Ten years and five months to the day before the accident… 9:35 a.m. I’m writing everyone from Lutheran General Hospital. Rachel was wheeled into surgery just over an hour ago (at 8:30 a.m. – about an hour later than originally scheduled). As most of you know, they’re going to be removing a tumor that’s wedgedContinue reading “The Day of Surgery”
Music For Staring at the Axe
Dearest Rachel – Eleven years ago tomorrow, you went in for surgery to remove a tumor from your brain. At the time, we didn’t know what was going to happen to you; the fact that it was not within the brain was a relatively good sign, and the doctor was fairly certain it would turnContinue reading “Music For Staring at the Axe”
from Rachel: The Reason For Everything
“May 2” “Lately I think I’ve been doing better at this. The dog walking gets me out into nature and, more recently, I’ve begun singing a few hymns as we walk along. “As the weather warms, I would like to go out on the deck first thing every morning for a quiet time. “I shouldContinue reading “from Rachel: The Reason For Everything”
A Touch of Nervous Energy
Dearest Rachel – What with having woken up before six o’clock on a Saturday to shower and tend to the dog (although in fairness, I actually managed to do the former without waking up the old guy! Huzzah!), making a point to attend this morning’s Bible study, followed by running about on errands until aboutContinue reading “A Touch of Nervous Energy”
from Rachel: Hi, Ellen
“Hi, “We ate lunch here yesterday, but we didn’t get to see the goats because it was raining again. We’re having a great time, in spite of cool, wet weather. “Despite a lot of thunder, we only got a little bit wet at the Renaissance fair, Saturday, but Sunday we waited three wet hours forContinue reading “from Rachel: Hi, Ellen”
Sending Smiles
Dearest Rachel – Well, it’s been done. I’ve created a profile, with Jan’s input and assistance, and it’s out there online for people to see. I don’t know how accurate it is, or whether I’ve shown too much or too little of my hand, but well… that’s how it is. What’s also ‘how it is’Continue reading “Sending Smiles”
The Last of the Crawl Space
Dearest Rachel – You probably remember that scene from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. That harrowing bit when Judge Doom announced that he would “try, convict and ex-ecute” Roger, all while nonchalantly lowering an otherwise inoffensive (and subsequently terrified) clown shoe to its death in a barrel of ‘Dip.’ That was the sensation I felt whenContinue reading “The Last of the Crawl Space”
Late for Dinner
Dearest Rachel – “You can call me anything you want; just don’t call me late for dinner!” It was probably one of the first jokes I was ever told by my grandfather as a little kid, and one that I never really got at that age (“what kind of name is Late For Dinner, andContinue reading “Late for Dinner”
Sleeping In Denim
Dearest Rachel – It seems there are a few memes out there about people who sleep dressed, specifically while wearing jeans… Not sure I understand what the fuss is all about. Between showering after walking home, and therefore changing afterwards (look, it’s August in Chicago – why should I stay in those sweaty clothes anyContinue reading “Sleeping In Denim”
When the Veil Pulls Back
Dearest Rachel – I wonder if, at the moment of your passing, you are exposed to all the answers. Does the Lord sees fit to, at the moment which you can no longer do anything about it, release to you the wisdom of the ages, and the minutiae of how His plan is meant toContinue reading “When the Veil Pulls Back”
No Such Thing as Forever
Dearest Rachel – Today is the first time all week I’m walking. And to tell the truth, I feel a little guilty about having delayed it this long. Not that I’m particularly concerned about how much exercise I get (although I’m quite sure I should be), but that I might be disappointing someone. You see,Continue reading “No Such Thing as Forever”
Going Sideways
Dearest Rachel – I have a feeling that the old boy is starting to lose it. Just this past Monday, I brought him inside from his morning constitutional, set him down on his blanket, got him his water, and set to preparing his food. When I finished with it, I placed it down on theContinue reading “Going Sideways”
Civic Duty Never Ends
Dearest Rachel – Out of all the mail received yesterday, the only thing that wasn’t either an advertisement or a plea for money (but I suppose I repeat myself) was a summons for you to appear for jury duty in about a month for now. I suppose, since your death was recorded in a differentContinue reading “Civic Duty Never Ends”
Ce N’est Pas un Rendez-vous
Dearest Rachel – Since both your parents were university art professors, I know you had a thorough grounding in the fine arts, including history and the like. And given your dad’s fondness for dada and surrealism, you’re undoubtedly familiar with Rene Magritte and his work. And at the moment, I’d like to call attention toContinue reading “Ce N’est Pas un Rendez-vous”
All the Same, All Around the World
Dearest Rachel – You know how our Boy with the Blaze, Simon Whistler, loves to talk about how ‘the past was the worst.’ Heck, he’s even made T-shirts with the slogan on it. He’s hardly wrong. I didn’t save too many of the books that we brought back from your folks (again, that merciless diktatContinue reading “All the Same, All Around the World”
Superhero Studies 101
Dearest Rachel – I’m going to have to hurry on this; it’s fairly late for a morning (nearly eight o’clock already!), and there’s not a lot of time before Kris gets here, with a memory fades. As a result, I think this is gonna be one of my shoulder letters. Hope you don’t mind. InContinue reading “Superhero Studies 101”
The Things Mine Eyes Have Seen
Dearest Rachel – I never got around to telling you about this, but when we were down at Kevin’s over Memorial Day weekend, I broke down and got a copy of Minecraft. Somehow, he figured out how to set up a server, and the three of us just started digging around (in survival mode, noContinue reading “The Things Mine Eyes Have Seen”
from Rachel: Life Is A Temporary Assignment
“May 1” “I should try to remember C.S. Lewis’ quote ‘All that is not eternal is eternally useless.’” “Back to my life metaphor (part five) – I am journeying through a foreign land toward my real home. “(Camp out, don’t build a house.)” “I should, today and every day, try to value work more andContinue reading “from Rachel: Life Is A Temporary Assignment”
Wondering if the Chains Will Hold
Dearest Rachel – When I was a little kid, I really wasn’t much for roller coasters. The idea of being spun around and inverted at those dizzying speeds, suspended at heights that, were I to fall from, would undoubtedly kill me (and that was merely the drop itself; never mind the metal mechanisms and trackContinue reading “Wondering if the Chains Will Hold”
Loaning the Lawnmower
Dearest Rachel – Whenever you are able, ·do [L do not withhold] good to people who ·need help [or deserve it]. If you have what your neighbor asks for, don’t say, “Come back later. I will give it to you tomorrow.” Proverbs 3:27,28, Expanded Bible I’ve already been working on a letter for you, which when I finish it will beContinue reading “Loaning the Lawnmower”
Seeing Other People
Dearest Rachel – It’s hard for me to wrap my head around it now, seeing as to how for so many years the two of us would appear in public practically joined at the hip. But in those early days of our relationship, we had, shall we say, “spaces in our togetherness.” In a way,Continue reading “Seeing Other People”
Digital Cache
Dearest Rachel – I keep wondering when the time will come when I’ve found the last remnant of your memory. After all, everything in life is finite, and you were here for only a limited amount of time. Surely at some point, I will run out of photographs to ruminate over, music or other recordingsContinue reading “Digital Cache”
I Need the Hat and Bullwhip
Dearest Rachel – I want to first point out that I don’t say that out of any need to be ‘cool’ or anything – although those accessories would seem undeniably make me look a lot cooler than I am. It’s also not just because this is turning into an archaeological dig of our relationship. It’sContinue reading “I Need the Hat and Bullwhip”
Running From the Void
Dearest Rachel – It’s two o’clock in the morning. Chompers has been silent for nearly an hour. And I am lying here, somehow unable to fall asleep, with a host of nebulous thoughts whirling through my head, none of which are quite concrete enough to set to text. But if I don’t do something, ifContinue reading “Running From the Void”
Darkest Night
Dearest Rachel – No light. No air-conditioning. No fans. No Internet. It’s truly been one of our darkest nights. Literally. According to Daniel, everything went sideways shortly before I got home from walking with Erin last night a little bit before eight. By the way, that was rather a washout in its own right. NeitherContinue reading “Darkest Night”
No Puede Ayudar
Dearest Rachel – You never know what’s going to happen some days. It’s been a fairly straightforward one for the most part, and then I make to head out for the usual Tuesday evening walk. What with her being up in Door County with her parents last week, I’ve missed being able to chat withContinue reading “No Puede Ayudar”
Getting Started When You Can’t
Dearest Rachel – My morning starts at ten ‘til six; that’s when I find myself waking up organically. Some wag on the Internet has made the assertion that one’s alarm clock represents one’s theme song, because that’s how you begin most every episode of your life. If that’s the case, then it would seem thatContinue reading “Getting Started When You Can’t”
No Dead Bodies, But Skeletons Nonetheless
Dearest Rachel – I have a feeling we’re not going to be making a whole lot of progress today. Today Jan has resolved to begin work on the crawlspace, and while I know you kept most of our Christmas stuff and the stuff for the island down there, if there’s anything else from anywhere else,Continue reading “No Dead Bodies, But Skeletons Nonetheless”
Waiting for a Table
Dearest Rachel – Since I woke up this morning with little to no memory of last nights dream (which, come to think of it, is more how things used to be when you and I were together nights), I figure I might as well instead relate the events of last evening to you as partContinue reading “Waiting for a Table”
Worshiping Golden Calves
Dearest Rachel – There’s a bit of Sunday school jokelore, wherein a young boy is asked about his favorite story from the Bible. “I like the part where Moses breaks all the Ten Commandments!” is the enthusiastic response. Well, he’s not exactly wrong. File this under r/technicallythetruth. Yes, honey, this is the sermon this weekend,Continue reading “Worshiping Golden Calves”
from Rachel: Seeing Life from God’s View
“April 28 and 30” “If I were to try and give a metaphor to life, I think I would go with it being a journey. To me, this isn’t entirely worldly and unbiblical, there is A Pilgrims Progress, and, more importantly, Jesus talks of the narrow road to heaven as opposed to the wide roadContinue reading “from Rachel: Seeing Life from God’s View”
Cornfest
Dearest Rachel – It’s the first Saturday in August, and you know what that means. Well, yes, they did serve food at the men’s Bible study this morning (you might recall that Oracio used to own – and still works at – a pizza joint. Yeah, pizza for breakfast, prepared on a grill. Things theseContinue reading “Cornfest”
Out in a Freezing Rain
Dearest Rachel – I’m not gonna play the song here and now, because it deserves it’s own essay sometime in the future, but Mark Heard wrote “Another Good Lie” about those well-intentioned lies he had been told in his younger days by his closest friends and those older and supposedly wiser than himself. Things likeContinue reading “Out in a Freezing Rain”
Just Desserts
Dearest Rachel – So I get home this afternoon – evening? – from the ‘office,’ and Daniel is asleep in his recliner, YouTube still yammering on from the laptop in… well, his lap. Even the dog is asleep. So, rather than bothering to wake them, I figure I’ll make a dent in the leftover pizzaContinue reading “Just Desserts”
Hide And Seek as a Contact Sport
Dearest Rachel – This is gonna be one of the more elaborate dreams that I’ve dealt with in a long time, and I don’t have a lot of time to put it together before it evaporates on me. Besides, that we’re coming after me shortly. It’s taking place on the Wesleyan campus as we rememberContinue reading “Hide And Seek as a Contact Sport”
The Brains God Gave Gravel
Dearest Rachel – You may have noticed throughout the course of this these letters that I have written a great deal about Chompers throughout the course of my efforts to adjust to your loss and absence. And considering my general apathy towards him during your lifetime, I’m sure you would find that rather odd. ForContinue reading “The Brains God Gave Gravel”
The Glamour of the Rustic
Dearest Rachel – In the mornings when she comes over to work on this or that room, Jan usually arrives a half an hour before her official schedule. What I mean by this is, when she says she’ll be here by nine, she’ll generally arrive around eight- thirty. It’s the sort of hyper punctuality thatContinue reading “The Glamour of the Rustic”
Filling In the Details
Dearest Rachel – Look, I warned you that I would be using the ‘detail’ pun for most of these early iterations regarding the kitchen and laundry room remodelings. I may stop by April or May, when the contractors are here day in and day out, but for now, the occasional nature what’s being done allowsContinue reading “Filling In the Details”
Nevermore?
Dearest Rachel – Sometimes you don’t see the whole story all at once. Sometimes, what you see at one point might be considered remarkable, but then more happens later that adds to the unfolding story. Yesterday, we received the strangest visitors; a pair of painters who claimed to have been from several doors down north.Continue reading “Nevermore?”
A Bullet for the Critic
Dearest Rachel – Midnight! Two! Six! What is with this dog, that he can’t tell me a decent nights sleep?! After all, if Daniel is to be believed (and he’s never been a very good liar), the old boy sleeps plenty soundly during the day. Okay, maybe I have my answer, there. And to beContinue reading “A Bullet for the Critic”
Losing Track
Dearest Rachel – It was probably a bad call on my part, but I decided not to walk to the ‘office’ this morning. Well, there was a reason behind it: I had assumed I’d be walking this evening with Erin at Melas Park. But you know that old saying about what happens when you assumeContinue reading “Losing Track”
Can’t Get Used to It
Dearest Rachel – After getting Chompers settled last night, and staying up till just shy of midnight to ensure that he’s at least gotten himself comfortable – if not fallen asleep – I drop myself into bed and lose myself in a fitful sort of sleep; one colored with images inspired by AI’s artist guest,Continue reading “Can’t Get Used to It”
All Hail the House Elves!
Dearest Rachel – I confess to being the quintessential oblivious mail. I don’t see what I’m not looking for – and I’m really looking for anything. So when I arrived home (nearly an hour earlier than I had expected to, no less – not much traffic at this time of day, I guess), and DanielContinue reading “All Hail the House Elves!”
The Return Trip
God, grant us strength todayAs we go our separate ways.Though we do not know quite when,Shield us ’til we meet again. me, this morning Dearest Rachel – And so it goes, as they say in Tralfamadore. It’s time (and past time, compared to almost everyone else) to return to life as usual… whatever that isContinue reading “The Return Trip”
One Last Task
Dearest Rachel – And so it ends. As I said, the convention always ends on an anti-climax. Not with a bang, but a whimper, just like the end of the world. But there’s always something that needs doing, and since we always contemplated the idea of doing… something… it falls to me one more timeContinue reading “One Last Task”
Il Faut Manger
Dearest Rachel – This letter is running concurrent with the previous one, because there are that many impossible things to do at the moment. All I’m doing at this point is waiting for the marketplace to open, and then I’ll be going to breakfast. ‘One must eat,’ after all… The contrast between last night andContinue reading “Il Faut Manger”
A Few Impossible Things Before Breakfast
Dearest Rachel – Normally, the two of us would be scrambling to get everything put together and out to the car before we headed out to the sponsor brunch. this was basically because we needed to check out by noon, and we would probably barely be finished with brunch by then. Not because we ateContinue reading “A Few Impossible Things Before Breakfast”
from Rachel: Made to Last Forever
“4/23: I should stop staying up past midnight, so that I may be able to start getting up earlier to have some quality time with my Lord. Thus, I should also start reading from the Bible every day and praying diligently and earnestly for family, friends, church, neighbors, etc.” Dearest Rachel – It’s a fairlyContinue reading “from Rachel: Made to Last Forever”
Letters to Rachel 