Getting Started When You Can’t

Dearest Rachel –

My morning starts at ten ‘til six; that’s when I find myself waking up organically. Some wag on the Internet has made the assertion that one’s alarm clock represents one’s theme song, because that’s how you begin most every episode of your life. If that’s the case, then it would seem that my life It’s supposed to be more dramatic than most peoples, as it begins with a ‘cold open’ instead.

Back in the day, when you were still here, and Chompers was more healthy, I would probably jump in the shower, get dressed, and put myself together for the day’s activities. These days, I’m kind of afraid to, as the sound of the shower seems to scare the crap out of him, quite literally. I’ve come to the conclusion that as long as I close both the doors to the bedroom, it muffles his bark such that Daniel won’t hear much – if at all, as I don’t know how late he stays up – so I don’t have to worry about him being woken up by the commotion.

So, you might say, that’s your solution. Close the doors and get on with the day, right? Well, about that. I have to confess, I would personally prefer to simply roll over and go back to sleep, especially at this hour. But after bending over so many times yesterday to get into the crawlspace – to say nothing of just the typical nightly mispositioning – my back is telling me that’s not about to happen. It’s too sore to sleep on at this point.

Fine, you would repeat. So get up and get started already. And yeah, I suppose I should. But for whatever reason, I’m just not feeling it at this hour of this day. I’ve just got zero motivation, even as there’s clearly so much to take care of.

Even the effort of getting out of bed in order to grab this phone and start telling you about how lacking in motivation I am is more than I can deal with it first. Ordinarily my phone would be on the nightstand, waiting for me to pick it up and use it, but when I wake up in the night to take Chompers out, I generally take the time to plug it into the bedside computer for the rest of the night; even just sitting around doing nothing drains it a bit. And I have to tell you, I think I know how it feels.

It doesn’t help that, at least at this hour the morning, what light flows in through the windows it’s fairly dim and gray. Not the sort of look to get you to bound out of bed, all enthusiastic-like. And the fact that I don’t have a dream to relate to you adds to that lack of enthusiasm.

And if I don’t have a dream… then I don’t have a dream to have come true.
Of course, I also don’t have one to get dashed, either, so there’s that.

There’s also the many things that I could be doing. I know full well that I don’t use any of the VCRs or the stereo down here in the bedroom (heck, at this point I’m not entirely sure I’d know how), and should bring those up to the office so that I can convert all the media that Jan and I have dug up three throughout the entire house. Come the future, we’re not gonna be watching or listening to these tapes, but some of them may contain stuff that we’ll still want to consume yet, and it needs to be brought over into a format in which we can consume it.

Besides, all his equipment is plugged in on the floor in front of the stand, getting in the way of things in the bedroom. Just another thing that I need to straighten up for the future.

The problem is that I just don’t have the motivation right now to unplug these things and cart them upstairs where I might be able to better use them. And quite honestly, the sheer number of things (three VCRs, a stereo tower, and an old non-working computer monitor) make the task look bigger than it rightfully is. I could look at this is five different tasks, but it all looks like one stack to me right now, and I just don’t want to deal with it.

The monitor, in particular, poses its own set of difficulties. Since it doesn’t work, the only thing I can do with it is to throw it out. Yes, I know you’d have me recycle it, and Best Buy is good about most electronic equipment. But monitors… are another story. They charge fifty bucks to process old monitors, and we’ve got quite a few to deal with. And that’s more than I want to spend on this part of the cleanup process. I’ve been assigned by Jan to look for alternatives – particularly with the municipalities, because a lot of people have the same difficulty that I do, and one might expect the community to have occasional events to deal with such issues – but I haven’t done that either. Yet.

And then, of course, there’s all the media itself to deal with:

And the tapes on display in the office are just the tip of the iceberg.
This whole corner of the basement – all these bins and boxes – contains media of one sort or another that still needs to be dealt with. Mostly converted, but some probably just need confirmation that we have something similar in digital format already (like the Doctor Who episodes for instance – although what we’re going to do with the tapes that we no longer need, I… don’t… know)

And again, it all feels like one overarching task. I know I shouldn’t look at it that way, because when I do, it becomes so intimidating that I can’t even start. But I can’t seem to help myself. And in the unmotivated mood that I’m in, it’s not getting done.

Well, the least I can do is put together breakfast and head off to the office for a few hours. Since I have a few things to take to Greg (including a payment, so he’ll be happy to see me), I’ll probably wrap up early, and maybe take Daniel with me (there’s a wing place that I think he might be interested in), and just have a late lunch or early dinner together.

At least my stomach can make me get motivated to do something. Still playing around with the air fryer. Tried to cook an egg in there; didn’t quite get the timing right yesterday. Since the second attempt yesterday worked all right, I think I’ll try that, and add in a little something extra.

The nice thing about the tortilla bowl pan is that it keeps all the mess out of the fryer basket. And in case you’re wondering, Jenn brought over some prosciutto some time ago (apparently, no one in her family will eat the stuff), so it should work as a fairly good substitute for bacon.
And after fifteen minutes at 370°, this is what it looks like. All nice and tasty, with the egg no longer runny (yes, I know you used to think that was the best part. We’ll just have to continue to just agree to disagree on the subject) and the prosciutto just crispy enough without being burnt. I’ve certainly had worst breakfasts, most of them of my own making.

Anyway, as much as I might be tempted to bury my nose in the Internet and not get anything done today, I should get going. I promise I will keep in touch as best I can.

Wish us both luck, as always – I think we’ll need it.

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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