Dearest Rachel – I haven’t taken everything down, now that Chompers is with you. There is a lot to wash and pack up that belonged to him that we’ll never use again, and I’m in no mood to go through it all right away. But one thing that I did remove almost immediate is theContinue reading “A Still, Dark Night”
Monthly Archives: September 2021
Awaiting the Verdict
Dearest Rachel – It’s seven a.m. Chompers wakes me up with whine; he’s back to his old schedule (after a fashion), and I pick him up, and take him out front. He pees the length of the sidewalk connecting the front stoop to the driveway, and I discover as I set him into his harnessContinue reading “Awaiting the Verdict”
Sirius Declining
Dearest Rachel – Lately, whenever I take Chompers out for his last pee of the night, I find myself looking up at the sky. Down Wilke Road, to the south, hangs one star that shines brighter than all the others: Sirius. The dog star. It’s the star that gives ‘the dog days of August’ theirContinue reading “Sirius Declining”
Sudden Drop
Dearest Rachel – Under circumstances that seemed less dire, I’d probably be soundtracking this letter with Citizen King’s “I’ve Seen Better Days,” because the bottom seems to have dropped out all of a sudden. But – since the bottom has seemed to have dropped out all of a sudden – I wonder if that wouldn’tContinue reading “Sudden Drop”
The Spill
Dearest Rachel – I have been told that the way that I will know the time is come for Chompers is when he no longer bothers to eat; for the longest time, that has been his sole remaining pleasure in life, so for him to give up on that would be quite significant. And upContinue reading “The Spill”
Rules Lawyering
Dearest Rachel – So yesterday, being Sunday, was our usual game night. Only, it was anything but usual. What with Kevin being up here for the week, this was an opportunity for the four of us who have been meeting online to get together in person for the first time since the pandemic – andContinue reading “Rules Lawyering”
What Am I Becoming?
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know how you did it, honey. And I don’t know how I’m going to be able to continue doing this. Or for how much longer. It may well be simply because this is a night when I need to wake up early; I’ve got to shower, change and be outContinue reading “What Am I Becoming?”
from Rachel: Developing Your Friendship with God
“May 5, 2004 “I will try to remember to pray often, ‘Dear Jesus, more than anything else, I want to get to know you intimately.’” “I need to remember that it is very important to grow closer to God, even if my main reason to want to want to is self-preservation – I would ratherContinue reading “from Rachel: Developing Your Friendship with God”
Almost Caught Flat-Footed
Dearest Rachel – Before I start on the topic at hand, I need to show you this, apropos of absolutely nothing else. This was the entirety of the mail today: Needless to say (did you ever notice that any time someone says that, they go ahead and say whatever it is anyway? Not that I’mContinue reading “Almost Caught Flat-Footed”
Only From A Distance
Dearest Rachel – I haven’t talked to you all that much recently about how things are going on the dating front. Not because I think you’d be jealous (while you never explicitly gave me the permission to find someone else after you were gone like I gave you, I’m pretty sure that your reaction whenContinue reading “Only From A Distance”
Morning Un-Routine
Dearest Rachel – The Army used to have a slogan about how “we do more before 9am than most people do all day.” Considering that I’m sitting in the veterinary parking lot, and it’s a quarter to nine, while I have to confess that while I’m not Army material, I’m at least getting started onContinue reading “Morning Un-Routine”
With or Without the Slash
Dearest Rachel – I guess the day has yet to come; I still see the twenty-third of each month as another milestone. It has now been eight months since the accident. Two-thirds of a year. With or without the slash, the numbers two and three have significance today. Of course, I know that others haveContinue reading “With or Without the Slash”
Not the Worst Way to Make an Impression
Dearest Rachel – Another day, another walk to the ‘office.’ With a stop or two along the way; there are always things that need to be done, after all. First of which was to stop by the bank and drop off my payment for property taxes. I know they’re not due for another week orContinue reading “Not the Worst Way to Make an Impression”
You Can Put Away Your Sunscreen
Dearest Rachel – Well, another season has come and gone. Summer is officially over. Amazing to realize that the passage of time is not an arbitrary concept, but there are physical conditions that we can observe here on earth; day and night, and the length of each defining the season of the year, even ifContinue reading “You Can Put Away Your Sunscreen”
The Only Thing That’s Never Empty
Dearest Rachel – While I’d be more than willing to admit there are so many things I’d like to have back, I would settle for being able to hear your voice, and converse with you back-and-forth. I’ve mentioned not so long ago about how I wish I could compare notes about how you dealt withContinue reading “The Only Thing That’s Never Empty”
Qualified to Suffer
Dearest Rachel – It seems like a very long time ago since I last felt this way, but there was a time when I thought life was good… too good. We were happy together, both as a couple and as a family. We had plans to enjoy this or that, and whatever problems we wereContinue reading “Qualified to Suffer”
Never Knew I’d Need Notes
Dearest Rachel – At some point in last night’s Grief Share meeting, the video session was going over certain emotions and attitudes we might have within the first few days and weeks. Honestly, I’m not sure why I was told earlier that my grief was ‘too raw’ and it was ‘too soon’ to go throughContinue reading “Never Knew I’d Need Notes”
Spot Macbeth
Dearest Rachel – No, this does not refer to some Shakespearean take on Where’s Waldo, although the idea of Martin Handford drawing a crowd in the Globe Theatre into which the actor portraying the Scottish usurper is trying to blend while being pursued by Macduff and Malcolm makes for an interesting image. Considering Handford’s BritishContinue reading “Spot Macbeth”
Surprises
Dearest Rachel – I’ll tell you, this year thus far has been absolutely full of surprises. Which means that it’s probably a good thing you’re not around to deal with them, as you hated surprises. This was particularly evident when it came to birthdays and holidays – anything having to do with gift-giving. The longContinue reading “Surprises”
from Rachel: Becoming Best Friends with God
“May 4 “I read this chapter first thing in the morning, so I put on my fish ring as a reminder of God’s constant presence with me. Then, I decided to go one better, and I took my purple polish with me. While we were outside with the kids (Ladies Bible Study), I painted myContinue reading “from Rachel: Becoming Best Friends with God”
Broken In
Dearest Rachel – I can’t seem to find a letter to you that tells you when I bought these running shoes, so you’ll have to take it on faith that I did, probably late in April or early in May. Scott and I went to that Runners’ High shop just outside the ‘alfresco’ section ofContinue reading “Broken In”
Upended
Dearest Rachel – Well, that was mildly unnerving. Just last night, I was telling Ellen and Erin how much I look forward to going back to traveling; how I’d like to just be able to grab someone’s hand, tell them “pack yourself a weeks worth of clothes, girl,” grab a flight and head off. HereContinue reading “Upended”
American Royalty
Good morning, honey – I woke up this morning with the – not realization, exactly, as it was a dream and cannot be relied on – that Tom Wopat and John Schneider might well have just been heavily into stock cars during their days at Hollywood High School, and lucked into a television series fromContinue reading “American Royalty”
Catching Up And Running Ahead
Dearest Rachel – For all the Bible studies you went through several times a year… I know you were rarely one to keep up with the every day assignments. I remember you sprawled out on the bed or the couch in the family room, catching up on the daily questions the evening prior to theContinue reading “Catching Up And Running Ahead”
Credit Where It’s Due
Dearest Rachel – The girls communicate with each other at the weirdest times, it would seem. It probably shouldn’t surprise me when I see emails back-and-forth at around one in the morning, considering Erin’s graveyard shift schedule, but the fact that Ellen responds at roughly the same time comes as a surprise. Still, if that’sContinue reading “Credit Where It’s Due”
Intermittent Chaos
Dearest Rachel – It wasn’t precisely a nightmare, as such, but it was one of those dreams that you wake up from feeling quite glad that it wasn’t reality. Well the bulk of what was happening has faded from my memory, I vividly recall a mushroom cloud of fire and smoke erupting at a strangeContinue reading “Intermittent Chaos”
The Journey Continues Alone
Dearest Rachel – It’s been several days since I’ve gotten home, but there are still some images from the YMCA of the Rockies that struck me that I haven’t shared with you yet. Throughout the park, I observed a number of memorials set up from and of people who contributed to the park. There wasContinue reading “The Journey Continues Alone”
Everything Looks Different in the Morning – But What About the Afternoon?
Dearest Rachel – One of the things they talked about at Grief Share last night was the difference between actively pursuing suicide, and the simple desire to no longer live. The latter is an attitude of “if you were to take me, too, God, I wouldn’t mind,” and is a fairly normal reaction to theContinue reading “Everything Looks Different in the Morning – But What About the Afternoon?”
Trying to Think at Three a.m.
Dearest Rachel – There are some questions in my life that I can no longer give a straight answer to. “How are you doing?” Well, do you just wanna exchange pleasantries, or would you like an actual answer? “Can I help you?” Wow, do you really mean that? “Do you always respond to a questionContinue reading “Trying to Think at Three a.m.”
Resisting Resuming Responsibilities
Dearest Rachel – So I open my eyes this morning, and look at the alarm clock: it’s a quarter to seven. And I have to admit, I do not want to get up just yet. I won’t go so far as to say it’s been a grueling weekend, but I’ll allow that it wasn’t exactlyContinue reading “Resisting Resuming Responsibilities”
It’s Hard to Be the Adult When You’re Also Still the Kid
Dearest Rachel – So yesterday, as soon as we landed, I gave my folks a call to let them know I was back in town, safe and sound. But also because they had offered to pick me up at the airport and bring me home. You’ll recall that I commented this weekend about how IContinue reading “It’s Hard to Be the Adult When You’re Also Still the Kid”
If You’re Wrong…
Dearest Rachel – I sort of knew it was going to happen. I arrived at the airport before one in the afternoon, and Luke advised me to try and get my name on the ‘standby’ list. And in fact, there were two flights scheduled to ORD before mine, one at 3:45 and another at 5:50.Continue reading “If You’re Wrong…”
How Great Thou Art
Dearest Rachel – So, this morning was the final session for the weekend’s retreat. Luke drove us up a hill (because the YMCA of the Rockies is an absolutely vast campus – we’d never have time to walk to the place), and delivered his message with this behind him: With the backdrop such as itContinue reading “How Great Thou Art”
The Most Important Hour of My Life – On An Insignificant Day
Dearest Rachel – I feel like I should apologize for the poor quality of this video. But the tape is, after all, twenty-nine years old, and it hasn’t been played in maybe ten, fifteen years; it can’t be expected to hold up all that well for all that time, especially on such an outdated andContinue reading “The Most Important Hour of My Life – On An Insignificant Day”
from Rachel: The Heart of Worship
“4/29 “Truth be told, I am still holding back several areas of my life. “As far as early morning devotion time goes, I don’t want to move up my alarm time if I haven’t gotten to bed by 12, but to do so, I need to head upstairs with Daniel, which means I need toContinue reading “from Rachel: The Heart of Worship”
Shooting Elk
Dearest Rachel – Don’t worry; even though I’m probably the only non-hunter in the entire group, we’re hewing to the current dictum when dealing with nature: “take nothing but photographs, leave nothing but footprints.” So, photographs it is. Assuming we can find any elk to shoot. The last couple of days, we’ve only seen aContinue reading “Shooting Elk”
Jester-Philosopher, Rather Than Philosopher-King
Dearest Rachel – I feel like I should be sleeping the sleep of the dead up here, like everybody else in the lodge. I’ve exerted myself in ways that I haven’t in a very long time, and I believe my body knows it needs rest. But while it tries to get that needed rest, myContinue reading “Jester-Philosopher, Rather Than Philosopher-King”
The Seventy-Two Who Wait for You
Dearest Rachel – It’s not really my story, but I figured I could embellish it on this, the twentieth anniversary of one of the most defining moments of still-remembered history. When I first encountered it, it was a fairly elaborate story that ultimately wound up as a joke, although there’s nothing particularly funny about theContinue reading “The Seventy-Two Who Wait for You”
A Day to Remember
Dearest Rachel – Twenty-nine years ago today, we were simply hanging out at the hotel, waiting for family and friends to arrive and greeting them as they did. Only one story stands out with me at this point – most of the others, I’m afraid, have faded into obscurity. It was some of your mom’sContinue reading “A Day to Remember”
Knowing Your Limits
Dearest Rachel – So the better part of today was spent hiking one of the trails up here in the Rocky Mountains. We started in Glacier Gorge, with the intent of going to Sky Pond. Sounds like a plan. The only thing is, that plan involves hiking 4 1/2 miles in either direction, and toContinue reading “Knowing Your Limits”
Grateful
Dearest Rachel – You’ll remember that, on thanksgivings at the folks’ place, we would offer a handful of things we were thankful for during the year. Well, it seems that Luke has assigned as homework along those sort of lines; before we roll out of bed in the morning, we are to come up withContinue reading “Grateful”
The Box of War
Dearest Rachel – I don’t think you performed this before I was aware of you; at least, not when you performed it for the BASIC group as part of a talent night. If I recall, you had also recited this as part of a similar talent night on the educational cruise you took with yourContinue reading “The Box of War”
Disc Golf
Dearest Rachel – It’s a little hard to keep up with these letters to you out here in the mountains, especially when we’re outside doing stuff all the time. It’s why I tried to prepare a few letters beforehand to go out to you while I’m out here. Yes, there’s Wi-Fi at the lodge, butContinue reading “Disc Golf”
Into Thin Air
Dearest Rachel – I think I must be way too used to living near the largest city in flyover country. As is the plane started its descent, I was looking out the window and seeing nothing but farmland and other empty space. And I couldn’t help wondering, “Where is the city? Where are the suburbs,Continue reading “Into Thin Air”
Alone at the Airport
Dearest Rachel – I’ve insisted from fairly early on that I wanted to resume my life, and continue to see the world – just that, I wanted to find someone to share those travels with. This is not one of those trips. To be fair, you wouldn’t have been able to come on this oneContinue reading “Alone at the Airport”
Overpacked
Dearest Rachel – Yes, I know it’s only for four days – including today. But I really have no idea what I’ll need out there In Colorado, so… I’m packing a little bit of everything. Two T-shirts, two long sleeve T-shirts, two rugby shirts, two sweatshirts… and this is just for the remaining three days,Continue reading “Overpacked”
Limpiar
Dearest Rachel – You’d probably be able to confirm with me as to the French, but I do know that in Spanish, the verb ‘to clean’ is ‘limpiar.’ Which, while having absolutely no connection to our word ‘limp’ (Since that comes down to us from the German through Old and Middle English), is strangely appropriateContinue reading “Limpiar”
Giddyup, Four-One-Nine
Dearest Rachel – Among the many channels that we used to entertain ourselves with on YouTube, both before and during the lockdown (and you probably see where this is going, but the rest of the folks reading this might not), there was a fellow by the name of James Veitch who had a particular talentContinue reading “Giddyup, Four-One-Nine”
This Is Only A Test
Dearest Rachel – So this morning, as I finally set out to walk across town to the ‘office’ at my folks’ place, I was mildly startled by the slowly rising wail of klaxons in the air, eventually surrounding me on all sides until I was very nearly at the (all but deserted) downtown area. It’sContinue reading “This Is Only A Test”
Unsatisfying Vengeance
Dearest Rachel – It wasn’t all that long ago (as recently as the wee hours of Sunday morning, in fact) that I would take Chompers out at what I considered to be late at night – which is, as you know, anytime after 10:30 – and prepare him for bed, with all the usual bedtimeContinue reading “Unsatisfying Vengeance”
Do Nothing Slowly
Dearest Rachel – When my dad retired about ten years ago, he quoted the legendary pitcher Satchel Paige as to how he was going to spend his time: I’m going to do nothing, and do it slowly. That has summed up a number of my days since quitting my job, too – especially in thoseContinue reading “Do Nothing Slowly”
A Tourist Barely One Town Over
Dearest Rachel – So here I am, wandering around this park in Schaumburg; I’ve been invited to SeptemberFest by someone I met over the app. Unlike my dinner with Ellen, I guess this is something of a date – at least, once she’s done working the bingo booth for the Lions Club. Assuming I canContinue reading “A Tourist Barely One Town Over”
And So It Begins
Dearest Rachel – So here we are. I never thought I’d be doing this again; maybe that’s part of the point. Maybe this partly some form of karmic punishment for not having taking you on enough dates back when I had a chance. It’s true that when you’re married – especially for a lengthy periodContinue reading “And So It Begins”
from Rachel: What Makes God Smile?
“The smile of God is the goal of my life. “I need to trust God more whenever I have a chance to indulge in a fun leisure activity but I know it’s really not the best time for it and I ought to wait for a better time (Usually either because there are chores IContinue reading “from Rachel: What Makes God Smile?”
The Futility of Collection
Dearest Rachel – So the other day, I started working on those video tapes from downstairs; playing them on one of our old VCRs, running the output through the converter box, and turning them into digital files. I’ll probably be putting one of them up on my channel at some point today, because I needContinue reading “The Futility of Collection”
Unsettled
Dearest Rachel – It’s a challenging thing to try to navigate the ocean that is the dating pool. I chatted with a woman who seemed frustrated that the men she was meeting didn’t seem to know what they wanted out of a woman. Since I didn’t see her as a potential match (and therefore wasContinue reading “Unsettled”
In Defiance of Entropy
Dearest Rachel – When I was a kid, I collected some book about the ‘Official Rules.’ I don’t recall if that was what was titled, but I think it may have been. These weren’t rules for a game, or instructions for anything in particular; just observations on how life worked, or didn’t. Stuff like Murphy’sContinue reading “In Defiance of Entropy”
The Need for More Patience
Dearest Rachel – I really didn’t want to write this letter to you. This feels like airing my dirty laundry – and yes, it’s more “my” than “our,” because it’s gotten considerably worse since you left, and the fact that I don’t know how to deal with it has probably only exacerbated things. But today,Continue reading “The Need for More Patience”
The Point of the Tree
Dearest Rachel – I have a lot of questions for God. And this is despite the fact that I know that I have no more right to ask them that Job did. Actually, probably considerably less right, given that even God himself referred to him as ‘righteous,’ which most likely could not be applied toContinue reading “The Point of the Tree”
Not In Crazy
Dearest Rachel – I understand that there’s an old saying about relationships: “Don’t stick your [neck] into crazy.” I’m pretty sure I’m off by a couple of letters there, but I think you get the idea. I bring this up to update you on the story of the, ah… woman? bot? that I spoke ofContinue reading “Not In Crazy”
Letters to Rachel 