Giddyup, Four-One-Nine

Dearest Rachel –

Among the many channels that we used to entertain ourselves with on YouTube, both before and during the lockdown (and you probably see where this is going, but the rest of the folks reading this might not), there was a fellow by the name of James Veitch who had a particular talent for tweaking certain email scammers and getting some comedy material out of them while giving them absolutely nothing in return.

This isn’t even the best of them, in my opinion, but it is a little more appropriate, given the topic I’m about to go into.

The reason I bring this up is because I suspect there’s a fair amount of that going on within the dating app I’ve subscribed to. In fairness, I certainly can’t say that I wasn’t warned, and I intend to tread carefully as I move on, but there are times when I just want to see how far the rabbit hole goes.

With that being said, allow me to introduce you to ‘Nausicaä:’

Miyazaki fanatic flies real-life 'Nausicaä' glider replica

In case you’re curious about the name, it appears she’s into aircraft, both as a mechanic and a pilot – and so, I’d associate her with the princess of the Valley of the Wind. Such an interest isn’t necessarily something that I’d be all over, but in a way it’s something rather fascinating to see in a profile. And all those other mundane little things she likes – such as coffee outings, new restaurants, and the occasional night in watching movies – seem appealing:

She also claims to have a serious interest in cars, as well; indeed, she might be more like the ‘real’ Megumi Morisato that I ever might have bargained for.

I think ‘she’ might drive you absolutely crazy, though, as ‘she’ doesn’t seem to concern herself much with punctuation, spelling or even proper capitalization.

And no, Nausicaä never bothered to text back that ‘g-miL’ was, in fact, ‘gmail.’ I took a guess that it was, and sent ‘her’ an email a day or two after this conversation, only to be met with radio silence. No big deal, as I was already juggling [her] and L.

But after a week and a half of nothing, ‘she’ wrote back to my email, claiming to have been ill and in the hospital during that time. She also included a photo, which has since attached itself to her Gmail address profile. All very well, if somewhat different from ‘her’ profile pictures on the dating app – which, as you can surmise from the very title of this letter (the section of the Nigerian criminal code for email scams), not to mention my earlier reference to James and the giant Veitch, has gotten my suspicions raised.

I did respond to her, asking about her illness, as well as her interest in aircraft and where in the country she was from prior to locating in suburban Bensenville – and also attempting to give a basic description as to what I might be looking for from a potential romantic partner, per ‘her’ own inquiry – and I got this absolute WALL of text from ‘her:’

And while there is so much in here that I (or any man, really) might find appealing, I’m still not convinced she’s for real. For being a ‘good listener,’ she didn’t address any of the questions I asked her. And at this point, when it comes to being a country girl, I’m tempted to ask which country? I mean, ‘chips’? Really? Not that I have any problem with her being from Britain (or anywhere in the Commonwealth, to be honest) originally, but that seems like an important and interesting detail to leave out – unless ‘she’s’ still over there.

Now, in fairness, ‘she’ has not asked me for anything in the way of information that could be construed as damaging or compromising; just what I’m looking for in a woman. All in all, there’s no more reason to be suspicious of her intentions that of Misty from a couple weeks ago (and she’s clearly nowhere near as persistent or clingy as Misty was at the time).

Now you might question why I’m telling you all this. Don’t I run the risk of this getting back to her in some way, resulting her and her getting offended, telling me off and dropping me like a hot potato? Well, I can’t deny that that’s a possibility. At the moment, though, I’m actually assuming that ‘she’s’ not real, so if I prove to be right and ‘she’ finds out and ghosts me as ‘punishment,’ there’s really no harm done.

And as far as her being real and finding out, well… I suppose it’s possible. I will admit, though, that there aren’t that many people who are reading my letters to you. The odds of Nausicaä being one of them (again, assuming she’s real) are ridiculously slim. Although honestly, it would certainly be a way I could conclude that she was “The One:” if it turned out she found out about this letter, and determined it to be actually amusing – much the way I always found some of the things your folks thought of me to be, like the whole ‘starter marriage’ fear.

Can you imagine the two of us together in some fantastical future, chuckling over all that I’ve written you: “Remember that time when you were convinced I was a bot, out to get your personal information?” “Yeah, I know, sweetheart… you do know I’ve apologized for that how many times?” “And do you remember how I’ve always told you not to bother? It was funny! Like I was too good to be real… that was actually quite sweet of you.”

Like that’s likely to happen. Still, stranger things…

Anyway, for the moment, I may just see where this leads. After all, Jan suggested that this site could (or was it ‘should’?) be simply for entertainment purposes; I think this particular situation might very well prove to be quite entertaining – as long as I’m aware that I might be getting catfished. I may just offer to meet her some time next week, and see if ‘she’ tries to squirm out of it. We’ll see how it goes.

I’ll keep you posted. Anyway, wish me luck, honey; I’m really gonna need it this time.

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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