Dearest Rachel – For all that I’ve told you about the more-than-occasional mad rush of messages I get from folks I meet on dating websites, this story is about the opposite side of the coin. Sometimes, you want to keep things going, just to make sure, but things go silent on the other end ofContinue reading “Text Silence”
Tag Archives: relationships
Seeking Shelter
Dearest Rachel – I’m not sure if you were ever acquainted with the phrase ‘love bombing’; it’s a term I’ve encountered more and more as time goes on, and our time together gets further away, ironically enough. I’m not sure if it’s one of the latest buzzwords in pop psychology, or if it’s just somethingContinue reading “Seeking Shelter”
No Particular Point to the Moment
Dearest Rachel – If I’m to be honest with you – as well as myself – about this series of letters to you, that they’re as much a record of life happening in the days after your absence as anything else, I should be telling you about the events of the past evening. For someContinue reading “No Particular Point to the Moment”
DIY Catfishing
Dearest Rachel – Another day, another dip into my news feed. This one hits a little closer to home, as it touches on the topic of artificial intelligence, and the relationships we develop with it – quite literally, in fact. This is something I’ve come across that really makes me wonder where we’re going asContinue reading “DIY Catfishing”
A Recursive Change of Subject
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know if it’s annoying or depressing to have – or need – a filter on what I say, but such is life sometimes. There was a conversation yesterday that got me thinking about how the three of us would spend rather a lot of time in companionable silence, apart fromContinue reading “A Recursive Change of Subject”
Constructive Notice
Dearest Rachel – This morning, when I woke up and reached for my phone (to see what time it is, honest! I’m not gonna look through my news feed until I know I’m not going to go back to sleep, and need to use the washroom. Yes, that happened this time around, and yes, itContinue reading “Constructive Notice”
I’d Tell You Everything
Dearest Rachel – Yesterday really had me going through my news feed rather than trying to finish a topic that I couldn’t resolve in that moment. In the process, though, I ran across a tweet – okay, a retweet of a retweet – that really made me stop and think about what I would doContinue reading “I’d Tell You Everything”
When the People Are Dying
Dearest Rachel – This is definitely not one of the tunes we swapped between us when we were courting after I graduated from college, but it’s true that at least one of Tonio K’s songs was in that lineup. This one has way too much social commentary to be considered a love song, to sayContinue reading “When the People Are Dying”
Are Things Not Satisfactory?
Dearest Rachel – There’s an old joke about a child who, for the first few years of his life, appeared to be completely mute, much to the consternation of his parents. They took him to doctors and specialists, who couldn’t find anything wrong with his vocal cords or his neural connections. Eventually, they gave upContinue reading “Are Things Not Satisfactory?”
I Can Smell the Barbeque
Dearest Rachel – “We need to talk.” Those four words (and their variations) have chilled the blood of boyfriends and husbands throughout the world for generations. We always somehow knew the that the topic of conversation was going to be an unpleasant one, and we were likely to be receiving blame for the situation itselfContinue reading “I Can Smell the Barbeque”
…And There It Is…Again
Dearest Rachel – And to think, I was going to write you about this girl last week in fairly glowing terms, especially considering the level of proof she seemed to have given me. But after setting her story aside for the moment in order to cover actual events happening in my life, things… began toContinue reading “…And There It Is…Again”
Making Myself Useful
Dearest Rachel – Freud had a word for it: “sublimation.” While it’s now mostly used in its physical, chemical sense of a solid transmuting to gas, skipping over any possible liquid state (like carbon dioxide does, for example), he used it to refer to taking one’s baser instincts and diverting them to where they couldContinue reading “Making Myself Useful”
Assume That They’re All Fake
Dearest Rachel – So… tomorrow is Friday, a day we all celebrate, for our various reasons – even if only because most of our fellows are (temporarily) released from their workaday prisons (which they may or may not recognize as such, but whatever). It is also Valentine’s Day, which for the fifth year in aContinue reading “Assume That They’re All Fake”
Won’t Be’s in Heaven
Dearest Rachel – We’ve been taught since time immemorial that everything that exists as part of our ecosystem does so for a reason. Call it God’s plan or the great circle of life as you will, but supposedly, every organism (or family of organisms) serves a purpose within the natural world, even if we don’tContinue reading “Won’t Be’s in Heaven”
Well, Why Waste Time?
Dearest Rachel – When we walk through the woods, Lars will often ask me about my romantic life, such as it is; whether I’ve found anybody out here in the ether – or at church or whatever circles I make my way through in life – and how things have been progressing. Considering that he’sContinue reading “Well, Why Waste Time?”
Off Limits
Dearest Rachel – There’s a good reason as to why, apart from my Royal Caribbean Asia-Pacific Tour shirt (which, to a certain extent, I’m reluctant to wear, because it just comes off as bragging), this is the only non-custom-designed T-shirt I’m wearing on this trip: Let’s face it; everyone thinks they belong to this greatContinue reading “Off Limits”
The Growth of Personal Space
Dearest Rachel – I’d always thought that it happened the other way around; apparently, the story of legendary baseball pitcher Rube Waddell and his battery-mate Ossie Schreckengost was one where the catcher complained about his mound partner’s behavior – which, given his reputation as a “wild child,” was understandable. However, since Rube was a near-unstoppableContinue reading “The Growth of Personal Space”
An Anastasia of My Own
Dearest Rachel – After all this time, it’s hard to remember whether you were still around when Kevin introduced us to his online TikTok girlfriend, Anastasia. For that matter, it’s not as if I can check with him about the details of when and how he met her; if it was a matter of beingContinue reading “An Anastasia of My Own”
They’re Barely Pretending
Dearest Rachel – Back when I first considered subscribing to an online dating service, Jan cautioned me – even as she was encouraging me to sign up in the first place – to think of it in terms of entertainment, as opposed to pinning my hopes of actually finding true love there. Best not toContinue reading “They’re Barely Pretending”
Power Dynamics
Dearest Rachel – So today had me waking up not with a dream as such (although I guess there were some images involved that illustrated my thought process, but stringing them together would be more trouble than it’s worth, for several reasons), but rather an insight of sorts. To be sure, it’s not an apple-on-the-headContinue reading “Power Dynamics”
Ring of Rejection
Dearest Rachel – To call last night’s dream a nightmare, or even give it descriptions like ‘heartbreaking’ or ‘gut wrenching’ would be to overstate things by some distance. In truth, by the end of the dream, I was pretty much in the same state, as I am now in the waking world, only considerably younger,Continue reading “Ring of Rejection”
Our Mutual Melancholy
Dearest Rachel – You might remember the character Haruhi Suzumiya, the titular character of Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu. She’s the girl who is essentially the deity of her world, wishing for special powers and beings to exist, but never finding them herself, only to be surrounded by such individuals, who are desperately trying to a.)Continue reading “Our Mutual Melancholy”
What’s the Crowd in Heaven Like?
Dearest Rachel – I do so hope that, when my time comes and I show up at the Pearly Gates, you’re aware enough of my arrival to come and greet me there and walk me around, because I am not going to feel comfortable, walking around among that huge crowd. I know it sounds sacrilegious,Continue reading “What’s the Crowd in Heaven Like?”
Street Cred
Dearest Rachel – Well, it’s happened again; I don’t know if you’ve found out about Josh, as I don’t know how time works up there, nor how new entrants are welcomed by those who have gone before. If it’s just a case of being ‘asleep’ until summoned by the trumpet at the end of days,Continue reading “Street Cred”
from Rachel: To Be Heard
Based on your life or someone else’s (including any historical figure), can you think of an example when survival was in itself a crowning achievement? “Earlier I mentioned Sokun, she and another friend (her name escapes me right now) escaped Cambodia with their families as small girls ([in the] mid-70s), lived for several years inContinue reading “from Rachel: To Be Heard”
Superior But Equal
Dearest Rachel – A lot of men, including myself, will jocularly refer to their wives as their “better half,” with a fair amount of unspoken truth embedded in that title. While I don’t think I’m qualified to speak for all men, I can’t be the only one who sometimes suffers from “imposter syndrome” when itContinue reading “Superior But Equal”
The Ship That Hasn’t Sailed Yet
Dearest Rachel – So this is it; a day that I’ve promised myself would come, in which I’m doing the whole ‘tourist in my home town’ bit. Oddly enough, I’m doing something that we’ve done before – which, considering how little time we ever spent in the city (apart from admiring the annual Christmas decorationsContinue reading “The Ship That Hasn’t Sailed Yet”
Not Burned
Dearest Rachel – In her one woman show The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe, one of the many characters that Lily Tomlin plays is a teenage punk (which is a reference to the subculture she’s a part of; it’s not a descriptor as such, but I won’t deny that the girlContinue reading “Not Burned”
Why Not the Truth?
Dearest Rachel – It’s another day of music that was never ours, and of which some you’ve never heard. Like I said, I’m trying to listen to different stuff, so that it doesn’t bring back painful memories. On the other hand, some of it is painful enough as it is, by sheer dint of content.Continue reading “Why Not the Truth?”
Giving Up Too Easily?
Dearest Rachel – While it was good to see you last night in my dream, I found it rather confusing. For whatever reason, you seemed to be upset with me. Something about ‘giving up’ on you too easily, as you prepared to leave – which I don’t mind telling you, seemed very out of characterContinue reading “Giving Up Too Easily?”
Deadman’s Switch
Dearest Rachel – Another day, another letter that I’m compelled to write to you that I can’t publish. There are so many things that I want to tell you about that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with the world at large; not yet, and likely not ever. The fact of the matter remains that, whileContinue reading “Deadman’s Switch”
from Rachel: Woe to Me
Did you get the three approaches? “Say it –> Work it –> Pray it” In my distress, I called to the Lord and He answered me. “Too many times to count, and even in the mundane He answers me.” I’m in trouble. I cry to God, desperate for an answer. “Less hopeful version, whether orContinue reading “from Rachel: Woe to Me”
Postcard Confessions
Dearest Rachel – In the midst of some of my worst days at work, I would occasionally spend my lunch breaks cruising through a site called PostSecret. It was – and is – a combination worldwide art project, confessional and therapy session. You might recognize some of the material that has been sent anonymously toContinue reading “Postcard Confessions”
Fear of Being Trusted
Dearest Rachel – You’re probably looking at that title with some bemusement at this point; it would be so much more in character for me to look up the Greek equivalent to this phrase, and express the concept as a ‘phobia.’ For the record, there is a term for fear of trust – pistanthrophobia –Continue reading “Fear of Being Trusted”
Jealous Of Your Ghost
Dearest Rachel – I’ve been showing your ring around to certain people lately (in fairness, I’m not sure that photographs, despite being able to show it at a magnified level, can do the image justice, so as many as can see it in person, the better). Most of them are reasonably impressed by it, butContinue reading “Jealous Of Your Ghost”
Seeing The Resemblance
Dearest Rachel – So, last night, the girls were over for what felt like the first time in a long time. Yes, we’d gotten together just last week – hadn’t we? It somehow feels longer than that – but it’s been ages since we just assembled at the house to eat and watch stuff togetherContinue reading “Seeing The Resemblance”
Only in Fairy Tales
Dearest Rachel – Every so often, someone tells me that “oh, don’t worry; God has someone out there for you.” And, as much as I like hearing that, and I’d like to believe that, I really don’t dare – and I rather wish they would stop (to be fair, it’s tapered off over time, soContinue reading “Only in Fairy Tales”
The Desire of Eve
Then God said to the woman, “I will ·cause you to… greatly desire [C the word implies a desire to control] your husband, but he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16a, c, Expanded Bible Dearest Rachel – I hardly have to tell you that this is going to be (as it always has been) a touchy subject; peopleContinue reading “The Desire of Eve”
Comfortable With the Spectrum
Dearest Rachel – There’s a fine line between insight and common sense. Frankly, I think the main difference between the two is that you haven’t heard the insight often enough before to know that, whatever it is you think you’ve just come up with, it really isn’t a new observation. So it was for meContinue reading “Comfortable With the Spectrum”
Three-Legged Race
Dearest Rachel – Since my dad served on the board of directors there (and our family, while decidedly middle class, wasn’t exactly rolling in cash for big-ticket vacations on the regular), I spent a lot of my summers as a kid camping in northern Wisconsin, at Fort Wilderness. I won’t say it was my favoriteContinue reading “Three-Legged Race”
Bitter Bachelor
Dearest Rachel – I honestly don’t know how these sorts of things pop up in my YouTube feed. It might be understandable that, based on some of the things that Daniel watches and listens to, my feed would pop up with ‘you might also be interested in…’ kinds of recommendations, but he insists that heContinue reading “Bitter Bachelor”
The Right Time and Place
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems that there are so many opportunities that we let slip through our fingers because it’s just not the right time or place to bring it up with the other person (or persons). The question is whether that hesitancy is warranted, or ifContinue reading “The Right Time and Place”
At Home with Him
Dearest Rachel – It’s enough when I see you now and again in dreams; to see Kevin, laughing at what seemed to be modern-era Simpsons episodes (which, to give my opinion, have jumped so far that they can barely see the shark from orbit) even as I sat there, incredulous at his amusement, was justContinue reading “At Home with Him”
Sorting Out Schedules
Dearest Rachel – These days, I tend to think of my schedule as being reasonably flexible. Whenever someone wants to get together with me, at any given time, I can be there. There’s nothing cast in stone in my life that prevents me from any particular interaction. It’s not even so much that I canContinue reading “Sorting Out Schedules”
As Normal as the Sky
Dearest Rachel – For all that is said between us as we walk through Harms Wood, the conversations that I have with Lars are generally like whatever happens proverbially in Vegas; everything is meant to stay there, not to be repeated. But when the topic turns to the relationship you and I had – andContinue reading “As Normal as the Sky”
A Feature, Not a Bug
Dearest Rachel – I was probably dealing with a little bit of overconfidence after having helped the table I had been sitting at win the Christmas trivia contest – which I really should not have had, seeing that I had also been responsible for a run of three wrong answers in a row, that hadContinue reading “A Feature, Not a Bug”
Losing the Plot
Dearest Rachel – Last night’s dream (and it was definitely last night’s – I woke up in the recliner at one in the morning with this running through my head, and somehow managed to keep most of the storyline despite getting what you would consider a full night’s sleep thereafter) is one that, among mostContinue reading “Losing the Plot”
Politics and the Public Sphere
Dearest Rachel – You know, I really thought I had weaned myself off of my political news feed over the past week and a half. What Internet I could get over in Israel was, to be frank, less than reliable, so its main purpose was to be used to assemble and send my updates toContinue reading “Politics and the Public Sphere”
All or Nothing at All
Dearest Rachel – For all that it’s been an edifying trip (even with the distraction of me trying to write everything down as I’m walking through every single site), it’s really good to get back home, and pile myself into my own bed. Daniel agrees, despite the fact that his bed is essentially the familyContinue reading “All or Nothing at All”
The Fortress With Two Open Doors
Dearest Rachel – Evenings at the house, if they weren’t falling into something of a routine, and thereby likely to be considered to be ‘normal,’ are, I suspect, anything but that, when observed objectively. While it’s understandable that the boys would hang out together – and that I should stay out of their way, muchContinue reading “The Fortress With Two Open Doors”
Can’t Help But Compare
Dearest Rachel – Waking up ridiculously early this morning isn’t anywhere near as unpleasant as it has been, now that the fan motor has been replaced in the bedroom space heater. Still, without an immediate topic at hand to talk to you about today (since by waking up, I seem to have completely punctured whateverContinue reading “Can’t Help But Compare”
For the Sake of Former Adversaries
Dearest Rachel – Back in the day, I rarely had nightmares about work – or at least, not that I can remember. After all, I would wake up a little after five in the morning in order to begin preparations to get myself ready for work, and the alarm would essentially interrupt any dream thatContinue reading “For the Sake of Former Adversaries”
from Rachel: Faulty Assumptions
How are assumptions and thoughts connected? “They are foundational – the groundwork” Did you tuck away some faulty assumptions as an older teen or young adult? List three examples. “I’ll do better later – I’ll have more time then. “A little more won’t hurt – I’ve already come this far (‘I might as well beContinue reading “from Rachel: Faulty Assumptions”
Clearing One’s Sinuses
Dearest Rachel – There really is something to be said for T.S. Eliot’s theory of ‘the death of the author.’ The idea of it is that a work of art can and should be enjoyed without having to consider its creator’s biography or influences. It’s something of a take on the old saw that youContinue reading “Clearing One’s Sinuses”
Who Was That Tomato?
Dearest Rachel – During my final year in college, I took both a business class in marketing, and an art class in graphic design. I’m not entirely certain, therefore, which class introduced me to the Wolfschmidt Vodka ad campaign. Dating from either the late 50s or the early 60s, it was one of the firstContinue reading “Who Was That Tomato?”
I Never Dealt with Nightmares
Dearest Rachel – I should tell you upfront that Daniel does not seem to approve of Ruby. Every time the phone ‘thrums’ to indicate a message from her when he’s in earshot, he gives me a sideways glance as if to ask ‘her again?’ even if he doesn’t always say it aloud – which heContinue reading “I Never Dealt with Nightmares”
Spaces In Our Togetherness
Dearest Rachel – These days, Ruby will occasionally ask me whether I’ve spoken to another woman, especially if I don’t contact – or respond to – her on Google Chat quickly enough. Maybe she’s worried that she’ll lose me to someone else too early in the game, in which case I suppose I should beContinue reading “Spaces In Our Togetherness”
Quinn the Eskimo
Dearest Rachel – I have probably got to stop trying to find any deeper meaning in my dreams. This one had to be one of the most elaborate ones I’ve ever had, but it didn’t seem to really ever go anywhere. Well, that’s not entirely true: it went places (if you want to be literalContinue reading “Quinn the Eskimo”
Don’t Snow Me In
Dearest Rachel – For all the problems that I have with the secular version of Christmas, particularly the music that invokes thoughts of loved ones (who are, of course, no longer with us), I am always reminded that it could be worse – I could live in Japan. There, as you know, Christmas is aContinue reading “Don’t Snow Me In”
from Rachel: Restoring Broken Fellowship
Question to consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today? “May 11 “Today, no one (as far as I am aware, anyway). “Tomorrow, next week, or next month – Sally – definitely my EGR (extra grace required) friend, but praise God, his grace is sufficient for me: plenty left to share.Continue reading “from Rachel: Restoring Broken Fellowship”
This Present Tense
Dearest Rachel – I’m sure you know that I want to have a good relationship with Daniel. I want to be able to encourage and praise him for the good that he does (even if it’s not in my presence). But how do I praise him, when I don’t find out about the good thatContinue reading “This Present Tense”
Can’t Buy Me
Dearest Rachel – You might remember, before I got into (and got the two of you into) certain websites of a more political nature, I used to practice my reading voice by reciting bits out of the Onion. One of our recurring favorites was the horoscope section, allegedly written by retired machinist and A.A.P.B.-certified astrologist,Continue reading “Can’t Buy Me”
Adhesiveness in Anytown
Dearest Rachel – Last night, after a few hours of gaming with Kevin, I found myself in conversation with another individual on the dating app. She’d sent me a smile, and while I generally tend to limit my connections to those residing here in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs, I couldn’t quite figure out whereContinue reading “Adhesiveness in Anytown”
from Rachel: Experiencing Life Together
“May 10 “Actually, today (Monday) would normally be my day to meet with Susie; she just had too many people and too much work in her schedule this week. Then I gave Sally the option of coming over instead. If she had, I probably should’ve asked if we could leave the TV off for aContinue reading “from Rachel: Experiencing Life Together”
Small Steps in the Morning
Dearest Rachel – I know I touch on the topic from time to time, but for the most part, I’m loathe to talk about politics in my letters to you. To be sure, that wasn’t always the case when you were around; like with my dad at the dinner table, I enjoyed sparring with youContinue reading “Small Steps in the Morning”
Is It Really ‘Just A Number’?
Dearest Rachel – In my continued adventures in online dating, I’ve noticed that ones who have been responding to me have tended to be younger than myself. Coming from a cultural background where that’s more the rule than the exception (sure, there are plenty of couples where both are more or less the same age,Continue reading “Is It Really ‘Just A Number’?”
from Rachel: What Matters Most
“I feel the need to disagree with the author to a certain extent. I agree that relationships are very important and should be a top priority. I agree that in every situation the best way to treat everyone is with love. However I am a very social creature already and do lots of things thatContinue reading “from Rachel: What Matters Most”
If You Laugh at Different Comics…
…If you root for different teams,Waste no time, weep no more,Show him what the door is for.Rub him out of the roll callAnd drum him out of your dreams. Oscar Hammerstein II, “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair”, South Pacific (1949) Dearest Rachel – I mentioned before about the fact that thereContinue reading “If You Laugh at Different Comics…”
Love & Marriage
Dearest Rachel – Happy Sweetest Day, honey. It’s weird; we never observed this holiday together. We considered ourselves fortunate enough to remember Valentine’s Day and our anniversary for each other. So why am I bothering now, seeing as I don’t have any sweetest to make a day out of this? Well, since the anniversary ofContinue reading “Love & Marriage”
How Much Will Be Carved Away?
Dearest Rachel – Occasionally, I will spot something or other left behind by Chompers that I have yet to give away. Kris took a number of things to give to her daughter (I think it was; it’s been well over a week since she was last by) to use with her own dog, but hisContinue reading “How Much Will Be Carved Away?”
Ore Wo Sagashite
Anata, Rei-sama – 私は自分が誰であるか、そして人生と愛から何を求めているかを発見する必要があります。 そうでなければ、私は自分が「めぐみ」を見て、彼女があなたかエリンのどちらかであることを願っていることに気付くかもしれません。 Okay… hopefully, I’ve put off all of those who might be scared off by the gratuitous Japanese. We can talk in reasonable privacy. I’m starting this letter I’m sitting on a park bench in Kimball Hill Park, staring at the fountain in the middle of the lake. You and IContinue reading “Ore Wo Sagashite”
Not In Crazy
Dearest Rachel – I understand that there’s an old saying about relationships: “Don’t stick your [neck] into crazy.” I’m pretty sure I’m off by a couple of letters there, but I think you get the idea. I bring this up to update you on the story of the, ah… woman? bot? that I spoke ofContinue reading “Not In Crazy”
Is This A Feature?
Dearest Rachel – You might recall a cartoon by the man I would refer to as “Uncle Gary” (since we shared the same last name, right down to the spelling with an “o” rather than an “e”): So, just a few minutes ago, at about one in the morning, I rolled out of my sickbedContinue reading “Is This A Feature?”
Letters to Rachel 