Dearest Rachel – Lynda Barry, underground cartoonist and one of Matt Groening’s mentors and inspirations, once described love as “an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” Considering your and my distaste for tobacco in the first place (although you might remember my claim that cigar smoke, in small doses, is redolent of childhood trips to WrigleyContinue reading “Walls of Meaningless Text”
Tag Archives: conversations
The Questions That Go Unasked
Dearest Rachel – This morning – although when it’s this dark, if feels strange to call it such, even if this is just the way things are in the winter – as I got up and braced myself to head out to the gym, it occurred to me that the folks didn’t bother to askContinue reading “The Questions That Go Unasked”
An Audience of One
Dearest Rachel – The other day, I got an email from someone, rather out of the blue, who had either been reading these letters or watching the videos I’ve been attaching to the ones I’ve sent you while I’ve been traveling; it wasn’t entirely clear to me as to which, since they referenced the channelContinue reading “An Audience of One”
A Conversation Erased
Dearest Rachel – There are certain aspects of my life where I follow in your footsteps, insofar as I can’t – and don’t – get rid of things, even in cases where I know I’m not going to use the things I’m keeping, To be sure, most of the things I hang onto (or maybeContinue reading “A Conversation Erased”
On Being “That Guy”
Dearest Rachel – This is something of a confession, as in hindsight, I think I may have been excessively rude to someone who was just trying to be polite. It’s the sort of story that might possibly be submitted to r/AITA, where Redditors dealing with a pang of conscience ask the community at large, “AmContinue reading “On Being “That Guy””
Either a Liar or a Fool
Dearest Rachel – You probably remember this meme, as the template has been going around for ages: “Never Ask: a woman, her age; a man, his salary; and” the third option – the real punchline – being something that the questioner really wouldn’t want the answer to. It would either one of those ridiculous imponderablesContinue reading “Either a Liar or a Fool”
A Recursive Change of Subject
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know if it’s annoying or depressing to have – or need – a filter on what I say, but such is life sometimes. There was a conversation yesterday that got me thinking about how the three of us would spend rather a lot of time in companionable silence, apart fromContinue reading “A Recursive Change of Subject”
I Can Smell the Barbeque
Dearest Rachel – “We need to talk.” Those four words (and their variations) have chilled the blood of boyfriends and husbands throughout the world for generations. We always somehow knew the that the topic of conversation was going to be an unpleasant one, and we were likely to be receiving blame for the situation itselfContinue reading “I Can Smell the Barbeque”
Another Part of the Routine
Dearest Rachel – I’ve mentioned before how, at the moment, I’m best able to come up with (or at least start on) topics to relate to you in between crunch sets at the gym. I’m not sure why; it’s probably from having to do something while I’m catching my breath, and this is as goodContinue reading “Another Part of the Routine”
The Persistence of Hyperreality
Dearest Rachel – I don’t think I got enough sleep last night; Daniel and I were up past eleven (stop laughing, honey, you know that’s late for me!) watching YouTube videos and dealing with an interruption that I’ll get to in a moment. Then, as I tried to drift off to sleep, I found myselfContinue reading “The Persistence of Hyperreality”
Well, Why Waste Time?
Dearest Rachel – When we walk through the woods, Lars will often ask me about my romantic life, such as it is; whether I’ve found anybody out here in the ether – or at church or whatever circles I make my way through in life – and how things have been progressing. Considering that he’sContinue reading “Well, Why Waste Time?”
Off Limits
Dearest Rachel – There’s a good reason as to why, apart from my Royal Caribbean Asia-Pacific Tour shirt (which, to a certain extent, I’m reluctant to wear, because it just comes off as bragging), this is the only non-custom-designed T-shirt I’m wearing on this trip: Let’s face it; everyone thinks they belong to this greatContinue reading “Off Limits”
Sleep Paralysis Angel
Dearest Rachel – The internet, as a collective, talks a fair amount about having sleep paralysis demons every now and then; I’m not sure I’m personally familiar with the sensation. While I don’t tend to move much while I’m in bed, there’s rarely a situation where I’m unable to move. More often than not, it’sContinue reading “Sleep Paralysis Angel”
Silent Days
Dearest Rachel – I’ve spent very little time this year listening to Christmas music of any sort. Yes, there have been a couple of trips to the mall, and if I heard anything while Daniel and I were there, it was purely by accident; the conversation between the two of us, as well as theContinue reading “Silent Days”
Too Much, Too Late
Dearest Rachel – I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t do anything, let alone eating, this late at night. Much of it has to do with the fact that I usually wake up at five or six in the morning and work out these days; by the time nine or ten in the eveningContinue reading “Too Much, Too Late”
Not Much to Tell, No Time to Tell It
Dearest Rachel – It seems weird to say that today is likely to be the most routine day of the week. After all, the whole point of the weekend is that it is different from the rest of the week; a respite from the hurly-burly of workaday life. But when one’s day-to-day is no longerContinue reading “Not Much to Tell, No Time to Tell It”
What’s the Crowd in Heaven Like?
Dearest Rachel – I do so hope that, when my time comes and I show up at the Pearly Gates, you’re aware enough of my arrival to come and greet me there and walk me around, because I am not going to feel comfortable, walking around among that huge crowd. I know it sounds sacrilegious,Continue reading “What’s the Crowd in Heaven Like?”
The Secret Handshake
Dearest Rachel – To be sure, Mom and Dad aren’t doing any more traveling from this point on. Between the logistic issues presented by his feeding tube (although, since the surgery, he hasn’t had to deal with any leaks that would otherwise force him to leave any event he was at at a moment’s notice)Continue reading “The Secret Handshake”
Sick People
Dearest Rachel – Well, I honestly thought I might get away with it. Given that my exercise regimen supposedly should have a positive effect on my health and immune system, I half-expected that I might be able to dodge whatever it is that Daniel came down with late last week. And maybe that’s still inContinue reading “Sick People”
Mental Meanderings
Dearest Rachel – Some time between Saturday night and Sunday morning, I found myself in an interesting situation, but one that – for reasons that will become obvious in a moment – I can’t clearly describe to you. All I can remember of it at this point is that at the time I was thinkingContinue reading “Mental Meanderings”
When Does It Become “Home”?
Dearest Rachel – I suppose I really need to do breakfast more often in the dining room. If nothing else, it helps me with portion control; eating upstairs in the Windjammer, with its buffet style layout, offers the temptation of going up for multiple helpings – and when combined with the urge to ‘get myContinue reading “When Does It Become “Home”?”
Not All Sweetness and Light
Dearest Rachel – It’s been a while since I talked to you about earworms; frankly, it’s been a while since I focused much on any topic other than my travels. Let’s face it, on a trip like this, there’s rather a lot of that to talk about, to the exclusion of almost everything else. EvenContinue reading “Not All Sweetness and Light”
Sometimes There’s A Reason
Dearest Rachel – There are people who have made their careers making fun of the stupid things that others do, say and, particularly in this case, ask. MAD Magazine’s late Al Jaffee (would you know if he’s up there with you? Would you recognize him if he was?) had his collections of “Snappy Answers to StupidContinue reading “Sometimes There’s A Reason”
When Everything is Trivial…
Dearest Rachel – While the crisis has passed for now – Dad is settled in a nearly convalescent home, and undergoing physical and occupational therapy, such that he neither requires nor necessarily event wants too many people around him for too long thereafter, as he’s too tired to socialize, and will say so – thereContinue reading “When Everything is Trivial…”
The VCR in the Rafters
Dearest Rachel – It was just the sort of dream that you would have considered to be a nightmare; the kind of story that would have justified all the hoarding you ever did. I don’t know where I was when I found it – after all, it’s not like our house even has exposed raftersContinue reading “The VCR in the Rafters”
“Hello, Caller Number Fifty…?”
Dearest Rachel – It generally begins just as I’m about to leave the house these days, sometimes while I’m eating breakfast (which alarms me more because the phone is liable to wake Daniel), sometimes while I’m showering, sometimes while I’m getting dressed. But since it’s the only way to get rid of the interruption withoutContinue reading ““Hello, Caller Number Fifty…?””
Why Would She Think That? Why Would I Do That?
Dearest Rachel – Last night’s dream was more firmly grounded in reality than most tend to be – so in some respects, it might not be as truly interesting to hear about simply because of that – but it did operate along certain lines that wouldn’t make sense in real life. Besides, it brings upContinue reading “Why Would She Think That? Why Would I Do That?”
Scamming God Himself
Dearest Rachel – Things have been rather quiet on the dating front these days; it’s been over a month since Grace and I went to church together, and while I’ve had a couple of conversations with others since then, nothing has really come of any of it. Obviously, this isn’t an ideal situation – I’mContinue reading “Scamming God Himself”
Data Wants to Know…
Dearest Rachel – Even at this moment, barely half an hour since waking up, I can only remember the setting, the characters and the subject matter of last night’s dream. So, I’m going to have to reconstruct the script based on what I think might have been logical, which, as you’ll soon see, may proveContinue reading “Data Wants to Know…”
A Question You’d Never Ask Me
“So… how was your date?” Dearest Rachel – I’m pretty sure you actually did ask that very question once or twice, but it was directed at Daniel rather than myself, obviously. He’s had a couple of girlfriends (and friends who were girls; there’s a difference, as you know), and been on a few dates withContinue reading “A Question You’d Never Ask Me”
A Question of Motive
Dearest Rachel – The funny thing is, I don’t really think I have that much to say to him; at least, no more than at any other time since we last got together for lunch like this. I feel like I have to come up with something, because I don’t see him believing that, especiallyContinue reading “A Question of Motive”
The Order of the Day is Silence
Dearest Rachel – Although compared to you, almost anyone could be considered a morning person (especially if one has a nine-to-five – or rather, a seven-thirty-to-five-thirty – job to go to), I never tended to think of myself as such. I mean, it’s not as if I wanted to get up at five in theContinue reading “The Order of the Day is Silence”
The Right Time and Place
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems that there are so many opportunities that we let slip through our fingers because it’s just not the right time or place to bring it up with the other person (or persons). The question is whether that hesitancy is warranted, or ifContinue reading “The Right Time and Place”
So… How Did We Get Here?
Dearest Rachel – I feel like you might want to know about how things went yesterday afternoon, considering I’d mentioned it the other day, particularly regarding how I had to adjust my schedule in order to attend. And yet… there’s not all that much to tell you about it. I’d been asked by email aContinue reading “So… How Did We Get Here?”
Trying Not to Break the String
Dearest Rachel – I think it was somewhere between eight and nine o’clock that Lars called me last night, in part to wish me a happy new year, and also to decide what day this week to go walking together (for the record, we’re going tomorrow, as today is apparently threatening rain). At some pointContinue reading “Trying Not to Break the String”
Perhaps A Little Too Comfortable
Dearest Rachel – So, last night after getting home from the folks for dinner (Dad had been in for a procedure on Wednesday and Thursday to adjust his feeding tube – more to the point, he was getting the finishing touches put on the new port in his stomach – so Mom had her handsContinue reading “Perhaps A Little Too Comfortable”
When Nothing’s Happened Yet
Dearest Rachel – I have to assume that the concept of time is meaningless to you at this point. There is no night, as I understand it, since God Himself is everywhere, and lights up heaven wherever He is, so there is no differentiating between days, or even from any one point of time toContinue reading “When Nothing’s Happened Yet”
The Other Side of the Conversation
Dearest Rachel – For all my talk yesterday about being able to lean over to you and say whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, there is, of course, another aspect to the newfound silence in my life. That is to say, the lack of response to anything I might say to you in the hereContinue reading “The Other Side of the Conversation”
I’m With Stupid (Times Two)
Dearest Rachel – You know, one of the things that I really miss about your absence is the fact that I’m no longer able to just say whatever I want to. If something popped into my head, I could just lean over to you and say it, without too much fear of you judging meContinue reading “I’m With Stupid (Times Two)”
First Contact
Dearest Rachel – After discovering last night (or rather, this morning, I suppose) at 3:30 that I had fallen asleep in the bedroom rocking chair five hours earlier, I made to brush my teeth, get myself undressed, and drop myself into bed where I belonged. It was easier than it had been for some time,Continue reading “First Contact”
Going South (featuring Alexa Brandy)
As promised, honey, this was the chat between me and Alexa once I arrived at the hole-in-the-wall place I’d suggested we meet at, and you can watch as it all fall apart. I want to believe I tried to be as much of a gentleman as possible, without letting on that I was suspicious ofContinue reading “Going South (featuring Alexa Brandy)”
Fending Off the Flood
Dearest Rachel – You’re probably aware that I have this sort of open door policy towards social media. While I’m not about to set up a profile on Facebook, I exist on several other sites, and I’m willing to take friend requests from whoever asks. I don’t know who first said it, but the phraseContinue reading “Fending Off the Flood”
#NoFilter No More
Dearest Rachel – You may not believe this, but I do have some rules that I try to adhere to with these letters I write to you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I try to aim for about a thousand words with each letter (give or take a few hundred); enough to giveContinue reading “#NoFilter No More”
On the Last Few Pages
Dearest Rachel – After spending Sunday driving home from camp, showing up at church without even bothering to stop at home first, spending the rest of the day resting up from the weekend, and then yesterday trying to get back into my routine in order to set aside what the day represented in terms ofContinue reading “On the Last Few Pages”
A Tempting Cliché
Dearest Rachel – Ever since I let my subscription to that dating app expire, I’ve been waiting for the shoes to drop for each of the last two ladies that I’ve been speaking with. For a while there, it seemed the closest I was going to come to that was when Aileen informed me thatContinue reading “A Tempting Cliché”
At Home For Once
Dearest Rachel – I realize the place has changed dramatically since your departure; you would hardly recognize the kitchen, and its new layout. Even I forget where some things are stored nowadays (in fact, I still couldn’t find enough trivets to go around last night, even though I know there’s more than the one IContinue reading “At Home For Once”
Lowering the Boom
Dearest Rachel – Another day, another tranche of falsehoods to deal with and dismiss. I’ve already given up on the online dating scene, but I keep having to deal with the occasional zombie that crops up and refuses to go down. Fortunately, like with the walking dead themselves, they seem to be somewhat short onContinue reading “Lowering the Boom”
The Curtain Can’t Come Down Soon Enough
Dearest Rachel – In a different context, you’d be forgiven for thinking that I’m about to break my promise to myself and you about keeping politics to a minimum with a title like that – it’s the sort of sentiment anyone with our belief system (or even dealing with the struggling economy) has to beContinue reading “The Curtain Can’t Come Down Soon Enough”
Three Last Chances
Dearest Rachel – I have to admit, I woke up yesterday determined to write to you about Father’s Day, and the fact that I felt like I was being ignored during it; Daniel had told me that my mom suggested he go out and get a card for me, which he didn’t get around toContinue reading “Three Last Chances”
The Enchanted Box
Dearest Rachel – It’s the kind of day that makes one not want to head outside. Oh, it’s not raining buckets like it was last year, when I found Chompers on the opposite side of the driveway, toppled over in his wheelchair in the gulley. It’s actually perfectly sunny outside; too much so, in fact.Continue reading “The Enchanted Box”
Wearing Down the Grindstone
Dearest Rachel – I think that, as long as I continue to write you every day, I’m not going to be able to let the 23rd of the month pass without comment. Much as I’d like to get over it, I don’t think it’s possible for me to do so for the foreseeable future, unlessContinue reading “Wearing Down the Grindstone”
Late Night Talk
Dearest Rachel – It may have had something to do with our discussion en route to last night’s Bible study. I don’t know how the subject came up but Daniel and I were sharing about how late night talk show hosts just aren’t what they used to be. For my part, I never took aContinue reading “Late Night Talk”
It’s Never ‘Just Lunch’
Dearest Rachel – I really kind of expected it to be a shorter day, in terms of being out of the house, than most, since all I had planned for the day was to meet Lars for lunch in his neighborhood. Granted, the trip to his neighborhood required budgeting the better part of an hourContinue reading “It’s Never ‘Just Lunch’”
Too Timid to Talk
Dearest Rachel – This past Sunday was a bit unusual for me, and yet, at the end of the day, it really didn’t make all that much difference. I mentioned that Daniel wasn’t with me, you might recall. He’d gone with Kerstin to the Saturday service (and met the folks there as well, who wereContinue reading “Too Timid to Talk”
Not Encouraging
Dearest Rachel – There are times when I have to remind myself that I shouldn’t be pinning too much hope in this whole online dating thing; it’s just for entertainment purposes (and maybe for a little something to write to you about). Other days, it’s perfectly obvious that’s what it is. Yesterday was one ofContinue reading “Not Encouraging”
‘Dear’ in the Headlights
Dearest Rachel – I have to confess that I’ve all but given up on watching Doctor Who any longer. Not because it’s ‘gone woke,’ like some people claim. Heck, I’ve enjoyed Jody Whittaker’s distaff take on the role: she comes across as the team mom for a fairly crowded TARDIS, much like Peter Davison’s Fifth,Continue reading “‘Dear’ in the Headlights”
Hitting the Wall
Dearest Rachel – Long-distance runners talk about the concept of ‘hitting the wall,’ both in practice and in competition. There is apparently a point at which your body basically tells you, “That’s as far as I can go, kiddo. I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m gonna give up, and I recommend you do the same, becauseContinue reading “Hitting the Wall”
So Much For That
Dearest Rachel – It’s amazing, how fast things can change from one day to the next. One day, you think you have a whole lineup of plans for the foreseeable future; the next, so much of that list has been delayed, postponed or gone by the boards altogether. I don’t know when I first realizedContinue reading “So Much For That”
Crashing and Burning
Dearest Rachel – It’s the craziest thing, sometimes. The stories I hear from people online can be so impressive, until you look them up. And do they think I’m not going to? I’ve been chatting quite a bit today with E.C. She’s been asking me the sort of… interesting questions that one might ask onContinue reading “Crashing and Burning”
Blowing Up My Phone
Dearest Rachel – You’re probably confused by that title, aren’t you? Yesterday I made a comment about the compulsion to throw my phone overboard, and today, it sounds like I’m talking about detonating it. What gives, you might be asking? Well, honey, that’s not what it means when your phone ‘blows up’ these days. ItContinue reading “Blowing Up My Phone”
Closing Night
Dearest Rachel – And so, the curtain goes up on the curtain going down. Last full day aboard ship. After taking care of some bills and an email (which may become important later on, we’ll all have to tune in and find out), I decided to add upstairs, and see if I had better luckContinue reading “Closing Night”
So… Darned… Close
Dearest Rachel – I’ll give Ruby credit, she’s making the effort to keep in touch with me, contacting me every day while she’s supposedly down in Phoenix with her siblings. She’s also informed me that she’s told her mom (who I guess is down there with her siblings? In which case, shouldn’t she have mentionedContinue reading “So… Darned… Close”
I Never Dealt with Nightmares
Dearest Rachel – I should tell you upfront that Daniel does not seem to approve of Ruby. Every time the phone ‘thrums’ to indicate a message from her when he’s in earshot, he gives me a sideways glance as if to ask ‘her again?’ even if he doesn’t always say it aloud – which heContinue reading “I Never Dealt with Nightmares”
God Bless
Dearest Rachel – Another day of the season, another song to talk about. But this isn’t just any day; it’s Christmas itself. The day of Our Lord. The day when, as my dad often puts it, “the complaint department is closed.” So I will just talk about a song for whom my only complaint isContinue reading “God Bless”
They Can’t All Be Gems
Dearest Rachel – I know I have permission to skip a day or two now and again, but that wasn’t how life was like when you were still here. There was rarely a day that went by that we didn’t talk to each other. I mean, there were occasions when you were out of town,Continue reading “They Can’t All Be Gems”
Seeking Donations
Dearest Rachel – Even with Caller ID, I can’t help it. I was raised to answer the phone when it rang, regardless of who it was. That robotic voice can say ‘potential spam’ all she likes, I’m still going to pick up the phone, and find out what it is they want. To be sure,Continue reading “Seeking Donations”
from Rachel: Experiencing Life Together
“May 10 “Actually, today (Monday) would normally be my day to meet with Susie; she just had too many people and too much work in her schedule this week. Then I gave Sally the option of coming over instead. If she had, I probably should’ve asked if we could leave the TV off for aContinue reading “from Rachel: Experiencing Life Together”
Curiouser and Curiouser
My! People come and go so quickly here! Dorothy (Judy Garland) observes Glinda’s departure in The Wizard of Oz (1938) Dearest Rachel – You’d probably take me to task a bit for conflating Dorothy Gale… …with Alice Lidell… …just for the sake of an interesting title and quote to lead this letter off with. YouContinue reading “Curiouser and Curiouser”
Forgetting the Fourth Wall
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know if you ever noticed – if you did, you never commented upon it – but there were occasions when we were out in public, having a conversation, particularly in close quarters, and I would dial up my side of the conversation in recognition of the fact that others wereContinue reading “Forgetting the Fourth Wall”
Shooting Elk
Dearest Rachel – Don’t worry; even though I’m probably the only non-hunter in the entire group, we’re hewing to the current dictum when dealing with nature: “take nothing but photographs, leave nothing but footprints.” So, photographs it is. Assuming we can find any elk to shoot. The last couple of days, we’ve only seen aContinue reading “Shooting Elk”
Not In Crazy
Dearest Rachel – I understand that there’s an old saying about relationships: “Don’t stick your [neck] into crazy.” I’m pretty sure I’m off by a couple of letters there, but I think you get the idea. I bring this up to update you on the story of the, ah… woman? bot? that I spoke ofContinue reading “Not In Crazy”
Sunday Rush
Dearest Rachel – After a couple of days of relative quiet upon enrolling on this dating app, starting this morning, things went somewhat crazy. I’m not complaining, exactly, but the ‘feast or famine’ situation – if this is what the typical experience is like – is a bit disorienting. As I mentioned previously, for theContinue reading “Sunday Rush”
The Path to the Park
Dearest Rachel – So I must say, the wheelchair affords both Chompers and I a little extra freedom. He can wander about the front lawn as much as he wants for as long as he wants, while I sit here on the porch and take in the sights and sounds. And yes, even as emptyContinue reading “The Path to the Park”
Parting Words
Dearest Rachel – I was leaving the ‘office’ the other day. Mom was out for physical therapy, I believe. So the house was quiet, and I slipped out the door, only to find myself realizing that I forgot something: I forgot to say goodbye to Dad before heading out. So I immediately ducked back inContinue reading “Parting Words”
Letters to Rachel 