Going South (featuring Alexa Brandy)

As promised, honey, this was the chat between me and Alexa once I arrived at the hole-in-the-wall place I’d suggested we meet at, and you can watch as it all fall apart. I want to believe I tried to be as much of a gentleman as possible, without letting on that I was suspicious of her right from the start (although she got pretty defensive early on, so maybe I wasn’t as subtle as I should have been). Did I handle this well, honey? I wish you could let me know.

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 1:51 PM} Hey dear Whatsup

Randall L, _{Yesterday 1:52 PM} Hey, Alexa I seem to have misjudged how long it would take me to get here. It seems I’m a bit early
How are you doing?
The place is a bit more of a hole in the wall than I expected, but I did mention that I wasn’t familiar with the area

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 1:53 PM} Yes you did
I’m on my way please

Randall L, _{Yesterday 1:54 PM} No problem; like I said, I misjudged the whole time and distance thing
See you soon

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 1:56 PM} Okay thanns
Thanks

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:00 PM}

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:00 PM} How do you do that while you’re driving, anyway?
^_^

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:01 PM} I just took it while driving…

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:03 PM} Oh, okay. Seems like that would be a bit of a challenge, but whatever

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:20 PM} So, ah… where are you?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:20 PM} Hey Randy I’m sorry My car just stopped now ….f***
I think the gas just finished…I’m just f***ed right now…didn’t even check it before

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:21 PM} Where are you?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:22 PM} Beside the road
I just need some gas to convey the journey

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:23 PM} I mean geolocationally Maybe I can come get you, and help you out

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:24 PM} Oh yeah I understand you but come think of it I can’t just leave my car all alone

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:25 PM} Well, maybe I can get a container of gas and bring it to you

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:25 PM} Please would have to get gas beside here and I didn’t bring my card or any cash with me

You would probably notice that her grammar is starting to slip here, and that if she was really in trouble, she would have specified where she was ‘oh, I’m at the corner of Greenbay and King Drive’ or some such. I was already suspicious even after the photograph – who takes a picture of themselves while driving, and how? – but this pretty much sealed things. Still, I tried to play nice…

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:25 PM} Not sure where to go, since I don’t know the area, but I can give it a try

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:26 PM} I don’t wanna disturb you with my problems of just stressing you around pls
Could you just get me like $30 dolls for me so I could quickly get gas into my car and come over please Randy

I still have no idea what she meant by this; did she mean to repeat ‘dollars,’ despite already using the dollar sign in front of the amount? Or did she actually want me to buy some kind of doll that contained money in it? And how would that even work?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:29 PM} Please I know it’s kinda somehow but I can’t leave my car alone please

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:30 PM} Sorry about the delay; there’s a Mobil station right next to the restaurant, so I went to check if they have any gas cans
Unfortunately, they didn’t have any, but I’m sure there must be a place between here and where you are that might
So where, again, are you at this point?

This is all actually quite true, by the way.

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:32 PM} Bby you don’t have to stress yourself please just help me get the bucks,there’s a nearby gas station I’m sorry for this

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:33 PM} Nah, I’d just as soon make sure your car was taken care of. Where are you? I’ll be there to help out, it’s no trouble

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:35 PM} Is like you don’t trust me right

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:35 PM} Where’d you get that impression? I just wanna make sure that your car is filled up, and you’re good to go
Besides, you might need to get the car pushed to the station

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:37 PM} Come on If I didn’t need it wouldn’t have asked and I already walked to the gas station and they even have gas cans I can buy into…come on

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:38 PM} Oh, I’m sorry; you said you were by the car, and didn’t wanna leave it, so I figured I’d need to get there with the gas

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:39 PM} Yes I said so but I already took a walk to the nearby station and asked for a gas can
And my phone would soon off I’m at 9 percent now
Please quickly help me get it so I can make the journey

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:40 PM} Sure; I can come pay for the gas, then. I take it you haven’t any credit cards on you to pay either the can or the gas, right?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:42 PM} Sure I know you could come pay for it..just send it please let me make it before my phone dies pls I’m already on the way you’re gonna see me soon

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:42 PM} You do realize I could’ve been there to help you out by now. I don’t see why you’re arguing about me coming over to help you, since you’re going to see me in a few moments anyway

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:43 PM} Randy you’re the one arguing Let just do it my way…
Come on don’t you respect me as a lady

As an aside here, several of the girls pointed out last night that, even if this wasn’t a scam, and she was real, I wouldn’t want a relationship with a girl that insisted so emphatically on doing things ‘her way.’ Even her fellow females are throwing her under the bus at this point.

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:44 PM} I don’t even know how… Dolls? You want dolls?

Yes, I was still trying to parse her request from earlier. I still don’t know what she meant…

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:44 PM} Yeah dear just to get me gas in the can so simple

…especially since she isn’t correcting me, like I expected her to.

You got Zelle ?
Or Apple Pay?

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:45 PM} No, I don’t. That must be why I don’t understand
Thought you were talking about actual troll dolls that were $30 or something like that
It didn’t make any sense

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:46 PM} Why
I mean if just like $25 you could afford
Come on how much is that..just that I forgot my card and didn’t hold any cash

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:47 PM} Yeah, but I don’t have any apps to transfer funds; that’s not how I pay for things
I’d be more than willing to head over to where you are and help you out, honestly
But you haven’t told me where I can find you, and what gas station you’re at

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:48 PM} I don’t really know here also it’s somewhere along the road My phone is about to die now

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:49 PM} Judging from my map, North Chicago isn’t really a big place

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:49 PM} Yes

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:49 PM} Give me street sign numbers; I can take it from there

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:49 PM} Let me check

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:49 PM} OK, cool

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:52 PM} Each one mile section of a street is divided into eight blocks

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:52 PM} Whuh? What’s the street name, and what’s the number on the gas station? I just need the address, and I can get there

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:53 PM} Nah can’t make it Phone dies oh f***
1percent

At this point, I’d begun to lose patience with her. Even making up a street address would have been understandable, but this waffling was ridiculous. I swear, I could run a scam like this better, if I could bring myself to be sufficiently venal. Oh, and I should mention that the only edits I’ve made to this conversation is to her profanities – even her full name is left intact, as I doubt it’s real after all, despite my earlier assertion about being called Alexa and asked to play some song or another.

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:54 PM} Sorry about that; if it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t have been able to transfer you any funds if your phone’s dead, either. If I were there where you are, you’d be out of the jam by now

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:56 PM} Had to on the phone back Oh f***
I’m at 1 percent now

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:56 PM} Again, all I need is an address

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 2:56 PM} I’m f***ed right now

Randall L, _{Yesterday 2:57 PM} It would seem so; I’m sorry you won’t let me help you

The irony is that, between the gas and lunch, I had already planned to shell out more that the $30 on her that she was asking for; all I wanted was to actually see and meet her. And that was that… except, no. There’s a postscript that came in even as we were starting to serve dinner last night.

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 8:27 PM} Hey dear

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 8:41 PM} I really suffered yesterday

Yesterday? The entire table was laughing about this mistake. I don’t know who said it, but it was agreed that this was all but proof that she was contacting me from somewhere overseas, where it was already Saturday. I decided to play along, in front of everyone.

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:36 PM} Yesterday? Why? How’s your Saturday going?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:37 PM} Couldn’t sleep at all…I later make it to the the place but I didn’t see you at all
Couldn’t sleep eyes were burning….I later make it to the restaurant but you were nowhere to be found

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:38 PM} You’re sleeping at 9 at night?

A mistake on my part; I should probably have asked her about the restaurant, to see if she could make up anything in terms of a description that matched what I saw there. As it was, I clued her into the fact that she’d gotten her time zone wrong.

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:39 PM} I know it’s not your fault

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:39 PM} What time is it where you are?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:40 PM} Its 09:40 here

Yeah, she’s inept, but not that inept.

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:40 PM} When did you go to bed?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:40 PM} Was feeling sleep before
Around 8

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:40 PM} We’re just finishing up dinner here, talking about you

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:41 PM} When I didn’t have anything to do just felt like but couldn’t sleep up till now

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:42 PM} Really? It’s too early to go to sleep, if you ask me; and I’ve been up since 6

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:42 PM} Yeah maybe that why I couldn’t sleep

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:43 PM} So, is it Saturday where you are?

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:45 PM} No
What kinda question is that lol

Randall L, _{Yesterday 9:46 PM} Because you said something about ‘yesterday’ being when we were trying to meet

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:46 PM} Oh! I made a mistake
‘Twas a mistake sorry
So we could meet up some other time right?im so sorry if I have made you go through stress

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:50 PM} ??

Alexa Brandy, _{Yesterday 9:57 PM} You’re there

Yes, I was, but I wasn’t going to answer. I blocked her this morning, after copying our chat history for posterity (and to send to you as I offered to earlier). I don’t like to have to do this, but the girls are right – even if she’s real (and it’s agreed, we all highly doubt that), she’s not the sort one would want in their life.

Still, I want to believe I tried to be reasonable with her, maybe even too much so. What do you think, honey?