randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

A Treasured Toy

Dearest Rachel – I was on my way to work the other day, listening to whatever tunes the algorithm on my phone decides to play, when it came across this old song which I’d never heard before, but which seems a first blush like a fair question for one member of a couple to askContinue reading “A Treasured Toy”

The Price We Pay

Dearest Rachel – It was probably only a couple of pages within a fairly substantial novel (and moreover, one novel in a whole series of novels – you know how fantasy and science-fiction writers create entire worlds and universes to play in and milk for a career), but within his “Incarnations of Immortality” series, PiersContinue reading “The Price We Pay”

Anticipation and Preparation

Dearest Rachel – So. The time is pretty much upon us now. After a week of Daniel and I warning various people about our upcoming absences, we have to actually start making preparations to fly out Thursday evening to meet our ship that will take us around Japan. This is not going to be aContinue reading “Anticipation and Preparation”

from Rachel: Asking According to His Will

Based on your experiences, are you fearful to continue hoping in prayer based on an ‘unanswered’ prayer? Do you doubt your amount of faith? Do you think if you’ve been more disciplined in prayer God may have responded more favorably? “No, it’s more that God already is going to do what He’s going to doContinue reading “from Rachel: Asking According to His Will”

Muddled Morning

Dearest Rachel – It’s that kind of morning today; I know I’ve said it before, but it never ceases to strike me as topsy-turvy that the one day a week I have to set my alarm is a Saturday. Sure, it’s the one day that I actually have a commitment to be somewhere earlier thanContinue reading “Muddled Morning”

Testosterone Blues

Dearest Rachel – There’s an old joke that I remember only vaguely – I’m probably going to get most of the details wrong, but as long as the setup and punchline are intact it shouldn’t matter – about a fellow my age or maybe older, who’s worried about feeling his age. He tells his friend,Continue reading “Testosterone Blues”

Bonding Over Bills

Dearest Rachel – I think the meme was making the rounds before you had to go, so you might remember it. It was a simple snowclone script, starting with kids asking their school if they could be taught how to deal with their taxes, since this is information that would be necessary in their futureContinue reading “Bonding Over Bills”

Fewer Words, but More than Speech

Dearest Rachel – There’s no particular reason for it; it isn’t as if the morning sky is particularly grey today, nor can I hear the impact of raindrops on the bedroom roof. It wasn’t that I stayed up particularly late last night, either, although I did find myself finishing a third batch of laundry atContinue reading “Fewer Words, but More than Speech”

Paging Doctor Howard…

Dearest Rachel – Far be it from me to consider the members of the medical profession as a group of ‘stooges.’ As much as we enjoyed that slapstick trio (you every bit as much as myself – how many females are like you in that way?), we recognized the absurdist humor when they were inContinue reading “Paging Doctor Howard…”

Of Self-Awareness and Stoicism

Dearest Rachel – There’s something particularly recursive about having a dream about putting on a production; in a way, it’s a case of one’s unconscious mind taking one behind the curtain as the dream itself is being assembled. The fact that I was the one in the directors’ chair last night should have suggested nothingContinue reading “Of Self-Awareness and Stoicism”

from Rachel: Water, Blood, and Spirit

By what two ways did Jesus come? “water” and “blood” According to Matthew 3:1-2,4-6,11, what act of the heart accompanied those who were being baptized? “repentance” Who descended upon Jesus after His baptism (see Matthew 3:13-17)? “The Spirit of God (like a dove)” Since Jesus was sinless, what reason did He give for being baptized?Continue reading “from Rachel: Water, Blood, and Spirit”

At Home with Him

Dearest Rachel – It’s enough when I see you now and again in dreams; to see Kevin, laughing at what seemed to be modern-era Simpsons episodes (which, to give my opinion, have jumped so far that they can barely see the shark from orbit) even as I sat there, incredulous at his amusement, was justContinue reading “At Home with Him”

Avoiding the Crowds

Dearest Rachel – At dinner last night, the subject of what plans Daniel and I had planned for tonight came up. After a couple of weeks of not being able to get together, due to various illnesses (first – and for that matter, still, unfortunately – Ellen, and then myself), it seemed likely that theContinue reading “Avoiding the Crowds”

Words Before the Battle

Dearest Rachel – Last night’s dream, as far as I can recall, appeared to have me in the role of Neville Longbottom, giving a St. Crispian’s style speech before the Battle of Hogwarts. Most of what I can remember is starting from the top of a table in the Great Hall, and continuing to moveContinue reading “Words Before the Battle”

Silent at the Gates

Dearest Rachel – I’m grateful for the fact that I didn’t wait until you left to compare you to the literally proverbial ‘good wife’ of chapter 31. You knew how highly I thought of you; you didn’t have to wait until you were gone for me to say nice things about you. It’s one ofContinue reading “Silent at the Gates”

Unexpected Productivity

Dearest Rachel – Now, you know from experience that, when I get sick, I’m knocked out for the better part of a day, at the bare minimum. It’s not a week of feeling crummy like Daniel has, nor is it a month of mild malaise like you used to deal with. It’s generally a coupleContinue reading “Unexpected Productivity”

The Irresponsibility of Responsibility

Dearest Rachel – You know how Dad has always been so enthusiastic about learning everything about our travels, while we (partly due to my experiences a year and a half ago in Basel) have tried to remain reasonably indifferent? Yeah, I think that’s catching up to me. It would seem that my unconscious mind isContinue reading “The Irresponsibility of Responsibility”

from Rachel: When Things Change

What else did these deceivers deny about Jesus (see 2 John 7)? “That He came in the flesh.” True/False: John and his community departed from the false teachers (v.19) “Not exactly; the false teachers departed from them. So I guess – false.” While some rejected His divinity, others denied He had come in the flesh…Continue reading “from Rachel: When Things Change”

As You Would Have Wished

Dearest Rachel – I have to admit, I’m still feeling pretty punk this morning. My face feels like it’s in a vice, and I’ve been coughing just enough so that I‘ve only been able to get about an hour of sleep at a time, before waking myself up by my own convulsions. Needless to say,Continue reading “As You Would Have Wished”

Unwell

Dearest Rachel – I had a topic prepared to tell you about, based on something I did yesterday morning (and previously) and its ramifications, but the way I’m feeling right now, this is probably more… current. I can probably rework what I’d planned to write you to say ‘the other day’ rather than ‘yesterday’ whenContinue reading “Unwell”

Notes from the Simulation

Dearest Rachel – It’s hard to say how long it’s been theorized about, but there seems to be a growing belief in ‘life as we know it’ being little more than a simulation. Maybe it comes from the popularity of the Matrix movies, where so much more seems to be possible, even for blue-pilled humanity.Continue reading “Notes from the Simulation”

Tears in the Fabric

Dearest Rachel – The amusing thing about a title like today’s is that we both know that if I trailed off, you would expect that the next phrase would be something like “of spacetime” or “of the universe,” or some other such science-fiction-y turn of phrase. It’s the sort of realization that makes me wonderContinue reading “Tears in the Fabric”

Maybe It Does Bother Me

Dearest Rachel – Another day, another earworm, another memory of something done or said. This time, it’s a bit more recent (as opposed to something during your lifetime), and it’s a bit of a regret, to be honest. But then, it was ‘being honest’ that got me here. Let’s start with the earworm, and seeContinue reading “Maybe It Does Bother Me”

Not What I Intended

Dearest Rachel – You just never know the sort of things that will stick with you; the smallest throwaway line heard in childhood may nestle in the back of your mind and serve as a guide from time to time whether you want it to or not. I don’t know how your parents kept youContinue reading “Not What I Intended”

from Rachel: Living for What Lasts

From memory, what is the perfect indicative? (Look back at yesterday’s lesson if you need to.) “It is the verb tense when the action is already complete.– ‘an objective fact or reality’” What two things does John tell us not to love in verse 15? 1. The world2. “Anything in” the world [starred and underlinedContinue reading “from Rachel: Living for What Lasts”

Lonely Works of Art

Dearest Rachel – I’d relate my dreams to you from last night, but even at this relatively early hour (as I need to finish dressing and head off to the Bible study), the only image I can remember from last night was that of you, sitting across from me at some outdoor cafe, sucking onContinue reading “Lonely Works of Art”

The Wolves are Never at the Door

Dearest Rachel – For the last couple of days, the folks have been watching the news and listening to the weather report. Actually, that’s not quite accurate, as they’ve been doing this fairly consistently all my life. Indeed, one of the last things I would do with them every night when I was a kidContinue reading “The Wolves are Never at the Door”

Tools and Toys

Dearest Rachel – There are days when I look back over the day at ‘work,’ and think to myself that I spent it doing anything but. It’s not that I regret the time spent just playing around with the computer, mind you, but when the folks ask about what I did, and if I accomplishedContinue reading “Tools and Toys”

Running Toward the Chaos

Dearest Rachel – It’s not natural, when everything is going crazy around oneself, to head in the direction of the chaos. The flight instinct is part of the whole self-preservation mechanism that is common to virtually all sentient life. But of course, someone has to get those in the midst of the madness out ofContinue reading “Running Toward the Chaos”

Three Squares

Dearest Rachel – I think I may have quoted it at one Thanksgiving meal or another, but I’d been told of a mealtime grace I understood to be attributed to Oliver Cromwell, but which turns out to be from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “Many have food but no appetite, while others have appetite but noContinue reading “Three Squares”

It Happens Every February

Dearest Rachel – You might or might not remember it, but Bill Engvall used to do a routine about how we humans (news folk and weather forecasters in particular) have the shortest memories, particularly when it comes to recurring events, like the change in seasons. In Texas, where he came from, it was guaranteed that,Continue reading “It Happens Every February”

So… How Did We Get Here?

Dearest Rachel – I feel like you might want to know about how things went yesterday afternoon, considering I’d mentioned it the other day, particularly regarding how I had to adjust my schedule in order to attend. And yet… there’s not all that much to tell you about it. I’d been asked by email aContinue reading “So… How Did We Get Here?”

from Rachel: I Write to You

In the table below list the reasons John is writing to each group: Dear Children– “their sins have been forgiven – “they have known the Father” Fathers– “they have known Him Who is from the beginning” Young men – “they have overcome the evil one– “they are strong– “the Word of God lives in them”Continue reading “from Rachel: I Write to You”

Not Nearly So Nimble

Dearest Rachel – One of the things that might be considered an advantage of being suddenly single is that I can make snap decisions, without consultation. No “I think I’d like to do this or that, but what do you think, honey?” I can just go and do whatever it is, and not worry aboutContinue reading “Not Nearly So Nimble”

Gym Opinions

Dearest Rachel – Unlike you, with your collection so vast that I now have three separate quilts commemorating you and your opinions, friendships and travels, I never put a whole lot of thought into my T-shirts. I had very few things I was suitably passionate about to wear them on my chest, and I despisedContinue reading “Gym Opinions”

The Malevolence of God

Dearest Rachel – It would be understandable for you to think that my biggest issue with God would be the fact that He took you from me. After all, your absence has left a hole in my life (and Daniel’s, and really, everyone you ever touched, to a certain extent) that has yet to beContinue reading “The Malevolence of God”

Zombies

Dearest Rachel – I’m sure you’re wondering about the title; all those apocalyptic movies and television shows (World War Z, the Walking Dead) all came out years ago, during your lifetime. These can’t still be popular to the point where I’d comment on them, are they? Especially since it was you who were into thoseContinue reading “Zombies”

Out Of Nowhere

Dearest Rachel – The thing about writing to you as opposed to a face-to-face conversation is that – apart from the unfortunate fact that I’m the only one doing the ‘talking’ here, of course – is that there’s a sort of unspoken requirement for everything to mesh into a coherent whole. An actual conversation canContinue reading “Out Of Nowhere”

Reluctant Checkup

Dearest Rachel – Today’s main event was not my idea. You remember full well that I was never much for annual physicals. Unless there was something noticeably wrong with me (and to be sure, there is, as the moment – more on that later, assuming it’s resolved), all that a visit to the doctor wouldContinue reading “Reluctant Checkup”

Inception Levels

Dearest Rachel – I need to start off by saying how much I appreciate it whenever you decide to visit me in my dreams, no matter how uncanny the situation might be, and how it makes me question things. That being said, I’m not gonna lie; this was Inception levels of weird, despite its plausiblyContinue reading “Inception Levels”

from Rachel: An Old, New Command

Without thinking too hard, what part of 1 John 2:7-8 stuck out to you the most and why? “I suppose the contradiction he sets up: it’s not new, it’s old, but it’s new, too. It leaves me puzzling, ‘Say what?!?’” What is the “new” command Jesus gave his disciples in John 13:34? “‘Love one another.Continue reading “from Rachel: An Old, New Command”

No Thought ~ Action!

Dearest Rachel – I’m going to start off this letter describing the events of last night, with an admission that may seem completely unrelated to those events; I have never read any of the works of Yukio Mishima. I know that your parents had a copy of The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with theContinue reading “No Thought ~ Action!”

Lost in Transit

Dearest Rachel – Since I’m well aware that I’m both quite impatient and forgetful, I try to use those flaws of mine in tandem to offset each other. For any long-term plan or project – especially one with a set date (like travel plans) or requiring others’ contributions – I do my part, set theContinue reading “Lost in Transit”

Just Enough That It Hurts

Dearest Rachel – They say that a single hour of working out every week can make a big difference in one’s life, health-wise. That may or may not be true – I do see the results after each visit, even if they are only temporary in effect – but they also suggest that the processContinue reading “Just Enough That It Hurts”

Sacred Secrets?

Dearest Rachel – Far be it from me to tell the all-knowing God His own business; He obviously know why He chooses to do as He does, and that His choices are correct. But since He hasn’t let me in on the ‘why’ in most cases, I can’t help but wonder from time to timeContinue reading “Sacred Secrets?”

If A Tree Falls…

Dearest Rachel – It was a little after five in the morning when it happened. I was in the middle of a dream about a young husband (not me, obviously) trying to raise a ridiculous amount of money – some $800 million or so – for his wife’s medical expenses, and succeeding to the tuneContinue reading “If A Tree Falls…”

Soup Over Art

Dearest Rachel – I never got to take you to see it, but I discovered it before your time; in Lily Tomlin’s one-woman comedic opus The Search for Intelligent Life in the Universe, Tomlin’s main persona (and framing device), a bag lady named Trudy, tells us about these aliens who have contacted her. On theContinue reading “Soup Over Art”

An Antidote for Anger

Dearest Rachel – It can be funny sometimes when the pastoral team (many of whom are younger than I, and thus should have considerably less difficulty in appearing ‘hip’ or ‘trendy’) admit to the same sins they’re talking about, in an effort to be relatable. Not that they aren’t guilty of such sins, or thatContinue reading “An Antidote for Anger”

from Rachel: We Know That We Know

Read 1 John 2:3-6, and let’s lay these concepts out as plainly as possible. Verse 3: as a characteristic of knowing God, we will naturally obey his “commands”. Verse 5: God’s love is truly made complete (or perfected) in the person who obeys His “word”. It’s difficult to know here if “God’s love” means HisContinue reading “from Rachel: We Know That We Know”

A Week of Weight Loss Whiplash

Dearest Rachel – Not that I’m anywhere close to my goal, but I figure I might as well fill you in on how things are going with regard to my attempts to get myself in shape. I feel a little apologetic about never making a point of doing this when you were around, but it’sContinue reading “A Week of Weight Loss Whiplash”

Scraping By Without Patience

Dearest Rachel – Life is something of a whipsaw between having seemingly all the time in the world and suddenly running out, and having to transition from dawdling to running full pelt in the blink of an eye. What happened to you was an extreme example, of course, but it’s a situation we all dealContinue reading “Scraping By Without Patience”

Dreams of Older Women

Dearest Rachel – While I may know better than to do the stock cliché of “middle-aged man creeps on girls young enough to be his daughter as part of his midlife crisis,” I have to confess that I’ve never been much for women my age. Scrolling through the dating website is looking at a catalogueContinue reading “Dreams of Older Women”

Empty-Headed Morning

Dearest Rachel – After all but nodding off in front of the family room television last night at around ten, I did the sensible thing, and headed off to bed. So it shouldn’t come as any great surprise when I find myself awake at six, long before my routine kicks in and I prepare toContinue reading “Empty-Headed Morning”

And [We] Still Go On

They buried My body, and they thought I’d goneBut I am the Dance, and I still go on. “Lord of the Dance,” by Sydney Carter (1963) Dearest Rachel – So, apropos of absolutely nothing, this is what I woke up to this morning. No dreams (that I can remember), no philosophical musings. Just this song,Continue reading “And [We] Still Go On”

Random Acts in Washington

Dearest Rachel – As you know, some mornings I have some pretty wild and elaborate dreams, and others I don’t. Since yesterday was one of those ‘no dream’ nights, it seems only fair that I found myself in a surprisingly involved one this morning. Indeed, this one was elaborate enough that it felt like aContinue reading “Random Acts in Washington”

Wants vs Needs

Dearest Rachel – This morning found me awake before five, for reasons unknown. While I could stand to shed a layer of bedding, and perhaps use the facilities, nothing seemed so urgent as to demand my consciousness at such a ridiculous hour. Still, once awake (however reluctantly), I felt that I needed to take careContinue reading “Wants vs Needs”

from Rachel: An Advocate

Read 1 John 2:1-2. In what endearing way does John address the reader? My “dear children”. What specific reason does he give for writing at the top of verse 1? “So his readers will not sin.” [John] takes “not sinning” out of the realm of legalism and mindlessly trying to keep the rules for theContinue reading “from Rachel: An Advocate”

Where Did I Expect to Be?

Dearest Rachel – I don’t have to keep track of the days; I just keep writing to you, and the computer does it for me. Just a few days ago, it sent me a notification, congratulating me on another anniversary on this site. Given what spurred me to start this, I’m not sure that IContinue reading “Where Did I Expect to Be?”

I Still Need to Get Out More

Dearest Rachel – I hear the occasional comment about how unusual our weather is this winter, but I can’t say that I’ve seen any real evidence of it. For instance, I’ve heard that last month has the least amount of sunlight for January since we’ve been keeping track of that; I have no idea howContinue reading “I Still Need to Get Out More”

Irritating Dreams

Dearest Rachel – You know, honey, not all bad dreams are nightmares. You don’t spend all your unconscious moments being chased by a monster or a psychopath (which I guess is the same thing in humanoid form), or otherwise in the midst of mortal terror from one danger or another. Nor do you necessarily findContinue reading “Irritating Dreams”

Bad Apples

Dearest Rachel – In the game of Cards Against Humanity that we used to enjoy playing together in large groups, there is a black card that reads “________: Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice,” to which the players submit their best white cards with one outlandish concept or another. The point, ofContinue reading “Bad Apples”

No Need for a Bicycle

Dearest Rachel – You know, you spoiled me, honey. When I first wrote to you after leaving university, some thirty-three years ago, it wasn’t out of any hope of a future together with you. Quite the opposite, in fact; it was a message of resignation and surrender, knowing that I had just left the lastContinue reading “No Need for a Bicycle”

A Junkie’s Confession

Dearest Rachel – It’s hard to realize that I’ve written twelve hundred letters to you since your departure. Oh, don’t worry, it’s not like I’ve been counting as I’ve been sending them off; the website does that for me. But I’m sure that over all those letters, I’ve repeated myself quite a bit, and you’llContinue reading “A Junkie’s Confession”

from Rachel: The Things We Say

Read 1 John 1:5-10 (including re-reading your text from yesterday). John uses the statement “if we say” (or “if we claim”) three times in these verses. Fill in the statements below: Verse 6: If we say/claim “to have fellowship with Him” yet we “walk in the darkness,” we “lie and do not live by theContinue reading “from Rachel: The Things We Say”

No Sense in Going Back

Dearest Rachel – Last night’s dreams were mostly scattered fragments, with very little to them to allow me to remember and relate to you, even these few minutes after waking up. The couple of bits I do remember seem hardly worth telling you about either, except that by that very nature, they form a minorContinue reading “No Sense in Going Back”

The False Dichotomy of the Heroic Binary

Dearest Rachel – I know that has to sound to you like an absurdly pretentious title; you’d think it belongs on some psych or sociology major’s graduate thesis. I realize that I sometimes refer to these letters to you as ‘essays,’ but this is a little over-the-top. And that’s more than a fair assessment. TheContinue reading “The False Dichotomy of the Heroic Binary”

Behind the Purple Door

Dearest Rachel – Well, I mentioned in my last letter that there were topics that I can’t write about here in any detail – and then I proceeded to go into more detail than I thought possible, but only about the first two of them. And these weren’t even the ones that I actively avoidContinue reading “Behind the Purple Door”

Topics You’re Not to Talk About

Dearest Rachel – There are days when you hear me complaining about a lack of topics to talk to you about. Maybe nothing particularly notable happened (or is expected to happen) that day to fill you in on, or I’ve just crammed my head with a few hours of mindless entertainment while the boys hangContinue reading “Topics You’re Not to Talk About”

Preparations, Questions and Imaginations

Dearest Rachel – There’s something strange about driving back from a workout, and needing to stop and prepare for the next one before going home. It’s not unlike finishing up lunch, complementing the chef, and wondering immediately thereafter where and what one would be having for supper that night – a scenario that I’m muchContinue reading “Preparations, Questions and Imaginations”

The Gym Can Wait (But Not for Long)

Dearest Rachel – January is the month for resolutions, and as everybody know, although in all honesty, we were never much for them ourselves. Not because we thought we had everything together – far from it – but that we were realistic enough to know that we’d end up breaking them in the same monthContinue reading “The Gym Can Wait (But Not for Long)”

They Say the Second Year’s the Hardest

Dearest Rachel – Now that it’s over, I’m not so sure it’s true. I was told, back when I was going through the GriefShare group counseling program, that the first year without you wouldn’t actually be the worst, since one spends a good portion of it just… numb from the shock of it all, especiallyContinue reading “They Say the Second Year’s the Hardest”

You Don’t See the Light Until It’s On

Dearest Rachel – Back when I was waking up barely after five in the morning to prepare myself for the workday, I would often shower with only the nightlight on in the bathroom – because I really wasn’t ready to turn on the ceiling light, and assumed that you, in turn, might be bothered byContinue reading “You Don’t See the Light Until It’s On”

from Rachel: Walking in the Light

Read 1 John 1:5-7 three times through, briefly recording something different that stood out to you after each reading. First Reading: “Jesus is the light.”Second Reading: “Correction: God is light”Third Reading: “We have fellowship with Him when we walk in the light.” While John doesn’t explicitly say what walking in the darkness means here, heContinue reading “from Rachel: Walking in the Light”

Another Regular Commitment

Dearest Rachel – I mentioned to you right after Christmas that the folks had gotten me a gift certificate to renew my membership at the Arlington Ridge Center that you and I had bought together when the place opened up at the beginning of 2020. To be sure, it had been more for you thanContinue reading “Another Regular Commitment”

Room 354

Dearest Rachel – I think that the first time I visited you at your parents’ house down in Macomb, I had to deal with a long freight train as it cut through town while I made my way down Jackson Street (the ‘main drag’ of town) in order to get there. So it seems appropriateContinue reading “Room 354”

In Lieu of Conscience

Dearest Rachel – The other day, I was reading an article about the reliability of one’s conscience, and how – despite being pointed to as a rationale for faith (by no less than the apostle Paul himself!) and the proof of a fairly universal standard of good and evil – it is no substitute forContinue reading “In Lieu of Conscience”

The Illusion of Choice

Dearest Rachel – I’m not entirely sure how it is that my mind found itself pondering this concept throughout the course of the last night. Quite possibly, it was due to the video I saw that was reviewing Kurt Vonnegut’s book Slaughterhouse Five. I had read the book (and watched the film, for that matter)Continue reading “The Illusion of Choice”

To Practical Use

Dearest Rachel – I honestly don’t know if I’m boring you with my latest obsession with artificial intelligence and pictures of you. Despite your degree in computer science (which you earned essentially pre-internet, so it was practically worthless within a few years of your graduation), you rarely seemed as interested in the ins and outsContinue reading “To Practical Use”

Of Horses, Birds and Muffins

Dearest Rachel – I came up to the home office to update my weight chart (I seem to be once again stuck at a plateau, unable to move the needle unless I cut back down to no more than a single meal a day. Still, at least I’m staying a long way from where IContinue reading “Of Horses, Birds and Muffins”

The Non Blizzard

Dearest Rachel – I woke up to something other than pitch blackness this morning, which I take as a good sign. Lately, I haven’t been regularly getting my full eight hours, despite my best attempts, and I’m not exactly sure why. Not that you were ever concerned about getting that many hours at a timeContinue reading “The Non Blizzard”

A Few Words About Kevin

Dearest Rachel – As I mentioned the other day, Kevin’s stepdad asked me to write a few words about him for his memorial service, whether I could attend or not. With that in mind, and seeing as it would probably be read about now, here is what I wrote: I’m not about to claim toContinue reading “A Few Words About Kevin”

from Rachel: With Us

Out of the three sensory interactions, John had with Jesus, which would mean the most to you with this place in your life. To see Him? Touch Him? Hear Him? (I realize some of these naturally overlap but don’t get too technical.) “I love hugs, so as great as all three would be, I thinkContinue reading “from Rachel: With Us”

The Right of Refusal

Dearest Rachel – By rights, I probably should have spent last night preparing myself for the trip down to Tennessee, rather than going out to dinner with the girls as planned online with them shortly after Kevin signed off from our last gaming session together (look, how were we to know?). I had put togetherContinue reading “The Right of Refusal”

Distance and Distraction

Dearest Rachel – I feel like I should feel worse about the situation regarding Kevin’s accident, but it’s not coming to me at this point. I haven’t been able to shed a single tear about him, and that rather upsets me. it just doesn’t seem right. And yet, I’m aware of many different things thatContinue reading “Distance and Distraction”

The Shock of the News

Dearest Rachel – I have to admit, the first thing that crossed my mind when I heard the news was “Who’s going to tell Anastasia?” His Ukrainian girlfriend, who he met online through TikTok, had been a source of friction between the two of us, but she was the first thing I thought of whenContinue reading “The Shock of the News”

Other People’s Stories

Dearest Rachel – Ever since I mentioned the possibility of turning recordings of your voice into future conversation (and bemoaned the fact that I have more of Mohinder’s voice than yours), I’ve been reminded of recordings we’d planned – but never got the chance – to make. When Daniel was making plans to enroll atContinue reading “Other People’s Stories”

Only So Much We Can Do

Dearest Rachel – I know that it isn’t that you wonder about the timing of my letters from day today; whether I get it out first thing in the morning or long after it’s gone dark is of no concern of yours. Indeed, if I were to be honest with myself, I’m forced to acknowledgeContinue reading “Only So Much We Can Do”

A Look at Younger You

Dearest Rachel – Since I’m insistent on being home when Kris is coming in to clean the house – not to supervise her, mind you (indeed, between eating breakfast, brushing my teeth and doing several loads of laundry as she’s trying to make her way through each room in the house, I worry that IContinue reading “A Look at Younger You”

Sorting Out Schedules

Dearest Rachel – These days, I tend to think of my schedule as being reasonably flexible. Whenever someone wants to get together with me, at any given time, I can be there. There’s nothing cast in stone in my life that prevents me from any particular interaction. It’s not even so much that I canContinue reading “Sorting Out Schedules”

from Rachel: Word of Life

What unique title does John give Jesus in verse 1? The “Word” of “life”. Why do you think John refers to Jesus as the Word? Give this some thought even if you’ve never been given a formal explanation. “Jesus said He had not come to abolish the Law, but to fulfill it. He was theContinue reading “from Rachel: Word of Life”

What You Get Out of It

Dearest Rachel – Even the most inspirational saying can be rendered ridiculous with the wrong (or, if you’re a comedian, the right) preface. Life is like a sewer; what you get out of it depends on what you put into it Tom Lehrer Such was what’s been going through my mind as I’ve been experimentingContinue reading “What You Get Out of It”

Arguing In (and About) Images

Dearest Rachel – There are times when I’m pretty sure my unconscious mind is trying to tell me something, but for the life of me, I can’t make out what it is. Last nights dream seemed like a message – even a warning of sorts – but it wasn’t even remotely clear as to whatContinue reading “Arguing In (and About) Images”

A Touch Of (and For) Distress

Dearest Rachel – In fairness, you were never much for cuddling, to speak of. In your mind, you had no desire to be treated like a teddy bear or a hugging pillow, and with that in mind, you chose to give me my space in turn, especially at night (assuming, not incorrectly, that such constantContinue reading “A Touch Of (and For) Distress”

I Still Can Be Happy

Dearest Rachel – There’s a certain unfortunate bias in my letters to you. This is in part because I generally make a point of writing to you first thing in the morning. To a certain extent, this is so I can get the task out of the way, and get on with the rest ofContinue reading “I Still Can Be Happy”

“Get Them the ––– Outta There!”

Dearest Rachel – Most of the time, dreams come to one more or less unbidden; none of us can say what may have prompted them, if anything. Last night’s, however, may well have been birthed by a letter I received, and promptly discarded. Not that it was telling me to go back and retrieve theContinue reading ““Get Them the ––– Outta There!””

Trying Not to Break the String

Dearest Rachel – I think it was somewhere between eight and nine o’clock that Lars called me last night, in part to wish me a happy new year, and also to decide what day this week to go walking together (for the record, we’re going tomorrow, as today is apparently threatening rain). At some pointContinue reading “Trying Not to Break the String”

Seventeen and Other Tunes

Dearest Rachel – I have to confess, I’m trying to find a style of music that I can listen to without being reminded of the many mix tape memories that we shared throughout our college and courtship days. Even stuff that grew on us by way of anime music videos can take a psychic tollContinue reading “Seventeen and Other Tunes”

The Fear of Possible Patterns

Dearest Rachel – So… now it’s 2023. Soon, it will have been two years since the accident that took you from us… and in a couple of months, it will have been another two years since your mom’s passing… and yet another two years since your dad, when this all started. I don’t know aboutContinue reading “The Fear of Possible Patterns”

from Rachel: Putting the Pieces Together

According to Matthew 4:18-22, who was John’s father and who was his brother? “Zebedee and James” What can you deduce was John’s occupation? “fisherman” According to Matthew 10:1-4, among which prestigious group is John named? “the ‘twelve disciples’ or ‘twelve apostles’” Briefly name a time early in your relationship with Christ when Jesus amazed you.Continue reading “from Rachel: Putting the Pieces Together”