Dearest Rachel – Lynda Barry, underground cartoonist and one of Matt Groening’s mentors and inspirations, once described love as “an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” Considering your and my distaste for tobacco in the first place (although you might remember my claim that cigar smoke, in small doses, is redolent of childhood trips to WrigleyContinue reading “Walls of Meaningless Text”
Tag Archives: dating
Text Silence
Dearest Rachel – For all that I’ve told you about the more-than-occasional mad rush of messages I get from folks I meet on dating websites, this story is about the opposite side of the coin. Sometimes, you want to keep things going, just to make sure, but things go silent on the other end ofContinue reading “Text Silence”
Seeking Shelter
Dearest Rachel – I’m not sure if you were ever acquainted with the phrase ‘love bombing’; it’s a term I’ve encountered more and more as time goes on, and our time together gets further away, ironically enough. I’m not sure if it’s one of the latest buzzwords in pop psychology, or if it’s just somethingContinue reading “Seeking Shelter”
Were She Here Already
Dearest Rachel – I’ve been keeping in touch with “Lee” now since March or April, I think (I’m pretty sure that was when we discovered we shared a birthday, right down to the same year and all). And while I haven’t been texting her quite as faithfully as I’ve been writing to you (I’m downContinue reading “Were She Here Already”
Either a Liar or a Fool
Dearest Rachel – You probably remember this meme, as the template has been going around for ages: “Never Ask: a woman, her age; a man, his salary; and” the third option – the real punchline – being something that the questioner really wouldn’t want the answer to. It would either one of those ridiculous imponderablesContinue reading “Either a Liar or a Fool”
In Prandium Veritas
Dearest Rachel – You’re well familiar with my rule regarding long-distance travel; if it takes longer to get somewhere and back than the time spent at the destination, then it really wasn’t worth the time to bother with. It always struck me as overly cruel when executives from my old workplace were required to flyContinue reading “In Prandium Veritas”
Gradually, and Then Suddenly
Dearest Rachel – One more story for you from the convention this past weekend, although with the understanding that, like the one about Daniel at the restaurant table, the convention merely serves as a backdrop to the real action (and the thought processes that passed through my mind throughout it all). Ironically, it all beganContinue reading “Gradually, and Then Suddenly”
Spending Out Of Spite
Dearest Rachel – It’s the sort of thing that would be an episode in any number of high-school (give or take a grade year or two) anime comedies. The main character goes on a date with a girl he likes, while another girl (who he also likes, but assumes wrongly that she hates him, becauseContinue reading “Spending Out Of Spite”
Assume That They’re All Fake
Dearest Rachel – So… tomorrow is Friday, a day we all celebrate, for our various reasons – even if only because most of our fellows are (temporarily) released from their workaday prisons (which they may or may not recognize as such, but whatever). It is also Valentine’s Day, which for the fifth year in aContinue reading “Assume That They’re All Fake”
An Anastasia of My Own
Dearest Rachel – After all this time, it’s hard to remember whether you were still around when Kevin introduced us to his online TikTok girlfriend, Anastasia. For that matter, it’s not as if I can check with him about the details of when and how he met her; if it was a matter of beingContinue reading “An Anastasia of My Own”
They’re Barely Pretending
Dearest Rachel – Back when I first considered subscribing to an online dating service, Jan cautioned me – even as she was encouraging me to sign up in the first place – to think of it in terms of entertainment, as opposed to pinning my hopes of actually finding true love there. Best not toContinue reading “They’re Barely Pretending”
Daylight Between Us
Dearest Rachel – It wasn’t what I expected to be doing of a Tuesday evening, but as dates go, I suppose it could have been worse. At least it was a pleasant discussion, and neither of us had much time to develop a case of nerves beforehand. You can probably guess even just by thatContinue reading “Daylight Between Us”
Superior But Equal
Dearest Rachel – A lot of men, including myself, will jocularly refer to their wives as their “better half,” with a fair amount of unspoken truth embedded in that title. While I don’t think I’m qualified to speak for all men, I can’t be the only one who sometimes suffers from “imposter syndrome” when itContinue reading “Superior But Equal”
The Ship That Hasn’t Sailed Yet
Dearest Rachel – So this is it; a day that I’ve promised myself would come, in which I’m doing the whole ‘tourist in my home town’ bit. Oddly enough, I’m doing something that we’ve done before – which, considering how little time we ever spent in the city (apart from admiring the annual Christmas decorationsContinue reading “The Ship That Hasn’t Sailed Yet”
Just As Well, I Guess
Dearest Rachel – While I did manage to get to the gym yesterday morning, I got a late start on the day, and still wasn’t feeling my best, so I didn’t put in the same level (or time) of workout that I’ve been doing pretty regularly over the past few weeks. I’ve also gone backContinue reading “Just As Well, I Guess”
Giving Up Too Easily?
Dearest Rachel – While it was good to see you last night in my dream, I found it rather confusing. For whatever reason, you seemed to be upset with me. Something about ‘giving up’ on you too easily, as you prepared to leave – which I don’t mind telling you, seemed very out of characterContinue reading “Giving Up Too Easily?”
The Extent of the Effect
Dearest Rachel – “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” So goes Isaac Newton’s first law of motion, the product of the Enlightenment concept of experimentation and observation, as opposed to blind acceptance of received wisdom from generations past. Best envisioned (and demonstrated) on a billiard table or a croquet lawn, thisContinue reading “The Extent of the Effect”
He Wants No Part of It
Dearest Rachel – The other day, I observed about how Daniel doesn’t really seem to have much of a handle on adulting. Oh, he can manage a thing or two when the chips are down; in fact, just this morning, he was calling the insurance company about the fender bender he got into a coupleContinue reading “He Wants No Part of It”
Sadly Waiting For Me
Dearest Rachel – Last night found me waking up in pitch darkness; not an unusual occurrence here, as I’ve mentioned before. I do think that it’s not so much a case of “still being on Central time,” as I’ve claimed in the past. I think my routine of working out right after dinner, while conscientiousContinue reading “Sadly Waiting For Me”
Singing Promises I Can’t Make
Dearest Rachel – Another day, another song pops up in my algorithm that gets under my skin. This time, it was a group that you and I had heard of, at least (albeit not until we were long since together, so it was never a part of our mix tape collection), but a song fromContinue reading “Singing Promises I Can’t Make”
Only in Fairy Tales
Dearest Rachel – Every so often, someone tells me that “oh, don’t worry; God has someone out there for you.” And, as much as I like hearing that, and I’d like to believe that, I really don’t dare – and I rather wish they would stop (to be fair, it’s tapered off over time, soContinue reading “Only in Fairy Tales”
Boaz Without Ruth
Dearest Rachel – I considered titling this letter “Boaz Seeks Ruth,” which admittedly sounds like the wording of a traditional personals ad, except that, as I began to type, it occurred to me that he very much wasn’t seeking her – or anyone else, for that matter. In fact, he had very much given upContinue reading “Boaz Without Ruth”
Comfortable With the Spectrum
Dearest Rachel – There’s a fine line between insight and common sense. Frankly, I think the main difference between the two is that you haven’t heard the insight often enough before to know that, whatever it is you think you’ve just come up with, it really isn’t a new observation. So it was for meContinue reading “Comfortable With the Spectrum”
Introduction to the Family
Dearest Rachel – I will give Grace credit; while I would no more be willing to leave my church family than my actual family (in fairness, the former includes most of my actual family, particularly the immediate part of it) for the sake of a woman, she was willing to visit mine to see whatContinue reading “Introduction to the Family”
Dating as a Non-Contact Sport
Dearest Rachel – Dinner and a movie. It’s been a long time since we engaged in that traditional dating pastime – and, by extension, it’s been a long time since I’ve done so, myself (although, one doesn’t do that ‘by oneself,’ almost by definition). It brings back memories from the days before we were togetherContinue reading “Dating as a Non-Contact Sport”
A Question You’d Never Ask Me
“So… how was your date?” Dearest Rachel – I’m pretty sure you actually did ask that very question once or twice, but it was directed at Daniel rather than myself, obviously. He’s had a couple of girlfriends (and friends who were girls; there’s a difference, as you know), and been on a few dates withContinue reading “A Question You’d Never Ask Me”
Too Distracted to Care
Dearest Rachel – I couldn’t speak for you, but it’s customary for a guy preparing to go on a date to get a slight case of the jitters beforehand. Maybe it’s out of concern for the plans he’s made; he’s hoping they don’t fall through somehow. That certainly seems reasonable, but I think it goesContinue reading “Too Distracted to Care”
Essay Test
Dearest Rachel – It’s something of an axiom these days to compare dating with a job interview, especially given the line of questioning one winds up dealing with under the guise of small talk. At least one comedian I know of has suggested that the only difference is that you’re much less likely to windContinue reading “Essay Test”
Just My “Luck”
Dearest Rachel – I’m not entirely sure what prompted it; I think it was some comment on the possibility of an impulse trip this autumn (despite already having lined up this immensely long cruise next spring). I’d probably gotten the idea in my head after inviting the girls over to, among other things, share inContinue reading “Just My “Luck””
No Need for a Bicycle
Dearest Rachel – You know, you spoiled me, honey. When I first wrote to you after leaving university, some thirty-three years ago, it wasn’t out of any hope of a future together with you. Quite the opposite, in fact; it was a message of resignation and surrender, knowing that I had just left the lastContinue reading “No Need for a Bicycle”
Seventeen and Other Tunes
Dearest Rachel – I have to confess, I’m trying to find a style of music that I can listen to without being reminded of the many mix tape memories that we shared throughout our college and courtship days. Even stuff that grew on us by way of anime music videos can take a psychic tollContinue reading “Seventeen and Other Tunes”
And Another One Down
Dearest Rachel – Yep; another one bites the dust. Thanks to Logan’s image lookup technique, I have spotted a problem with Aileen. Shortly after she was allegedly assigned to the San Diego naval base, she sent me a picture purporting to be of herself in front of her barracks, wearing what she claimed to beContinue reading “And Another One Down”
Another Step Forward… Two Steps Back
Dearest Rachel – It’s just about nine in the morning, and I need to head out to the ‘office.’ But I can’t exactly say my mind is entirely on my ‘work.’ My mind is somewhat preoccupied with what’s going on later today. It almost seems inappropriate for me to be going on a date thisContinue reading “Another Step Forward… Two Steps Back”
I Want to Believe
Dearest Rachel – You might dimly remember this slogan; it was the motto of “The X-Files,” which, for all your love of the science fiction and horror genres, you never seemed to get into. Maybe it was just having our hands full with a new baby; maybe it was the fact that we could onlyContinue reading “I Want to Believe”
Abandoned
Dearest Rachel – Last night’s dream was a weird one to wake up from. What I can remember of it had to do with the family and a handful of others (including animals) needing to get back from somewhere in central Missouri, and quickly. So, while most of the others got cars to drive homeContinue reading “Abandoned”
The Whimper of Chance
Dearest Rachel – It’s not exactly axiomatic, but it should go without saying that it’s the misadventures in life that make some of the best stories. This wasn’t the kind of misadventure where the worst possible thing happened, so it won’t be the most ripping of yarns. And yet, it had all the potential toContinue reading “The Whimper of Chance”
Folding the Hedge
Dearest Rachel – Every so often, I come up with a title that needs some explanation; however, this is going to take some time for me to get to. Feel free to guess a little while I try to set the table here. I’ll give you a hint, though; it has absolutely nothing to doContinue reading “Folding the Hedge”
Long Term Plans
Dearest Rachel – Well, wouldn’t you know it. Just yesterday, I was saying how I need to be telling you a bit more about Yvonne, and last night, she comes out and asks me some hard questions. So, it looks like I need to talk about her at this point. I will say that timeContinue reading “Long Term Plans”
Poisoned Dove
“·Listen [L Look; T Behold], I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. So be as ·clever [wise; shrewd; cunning] as ·snakes [serpents] and as ·innocent [harmless] as doves. Matthew 10:16, Expanded Bible Dearest Rachel – When I first signed up on the dating app, Jan had helped me put together a profile (although later on, she pointed out that I should not haveContinue reading “Poisoned Dove”
Itching Ears
Because the time will come when people will not ·listen to [put up with; endure] the ·true [sound; healthy] teaching but will ·find many more [gather around themselves; accumulate] teachers who ·please them [meet their needs/desires] by saying the things ·they want to hear [their ears itch for]. 2 Timothy 4:3, Expanded Bible Dearest RachelContinue reading “Itching Ears”
Pocket Veto
Dearest Rachel – I’ve been told that one way to keep a marriage fresh is to continue to treat each other as though you were still dating. Make an effort to keep winning your partner over; behave as if you were still young (to the best of your ability, of course – some things areContinue reading “Pocket Veto”
Date, Marry or Dump?
Dearest Rachel – Sometimes, it’s not so much the dream that’s memorable, as the idea behind it that I need to write down and tell you about. I’ve already pretty much lost the specific images that I saw, but the concept, well, that’s worth talking about. For all that we enjoyed watching various YouTubers playingContinue reading “Date, Marry or Dump?”
Kidding Aside
Dearest Rachel – Well, that was an odd end to the day. The Sparks club activities, from my limited perspective, went fairly smoothly. We were doing the usual wrap-up; putting away chairs and tables and the like. You remember the drill. Once we would finish, we’d head over to the Cubbies room, where Ms. CContinue reading “Kidding Aside”
Why So Serious?
Dearest Rachel – These words, spoken (and written) by pop culture’s favorite nihilist, the Joker, seem so innocuous in print. Indeed, I’ve long known a more homespun, friendly-sounding take on this perspective, thanks to being a fan of Walt Kelly’s Pogo: “Don’t take life so seriously, son. It ain’t nohow permanent.” But hey, everything soundsContinue reading “Why So Serious?”
Laying Out a Fleece
Dearest Rachel – Considering all the concerns I’ve voiced about Ruby, you’ll probably find it weird but we still haven’t made arrangements to at least meet face-to-face and determine once and for all whether we’re right for each other. That’s the trouble with that kind of distance; even though we’re still in the same county,Continue reading “Laying Out a Fleece”
Déjà Vu
Dearest Rachel – This weekend is going to be considerably quieter than the last few. After two weeks in a row, the girls won’t be coming over tonight (or next Friday, for that matter, if I recall correctly). It’s how scheduling goes, and that’s fine. I can’t expect them to be here every single week,Continue reading “Déjà Vu”
On Being ‘The Grenade’
Dearest Rachel – I’ve spoken to certain people who find themselves amused at some of the stories I tell you about my life lived after you, particularly those having to do with finding a successor to you (if you’d want to call her that). It offers a measure of comfort to me that, if IContinue reading “On Being ‘The Grenade’”
There’s No Way to be Subtle
Dearest Rachel – I’ve spun more than a few tales about my misadventures – and misgivings – in attempting to find romance via online sites and apps. Given that I have no idea who I might or might not be dealing with out here in cyberspace, I’m moving at a snail’s pace, because I’ve comeContinue reading “There’s No Way to be Subtle”
Spaces In Our Togetherness
Dearest Rachel – These days, Ruby will occasionally ask me whether I’ve spoken to another woman, especially if I don’t contact – or respond to – her on Google Chat quickly enough. Maybe she’s worried that she’ll lose me to someone else too early in the game, in which case I suppose I should beContinue reading “Spaces In Our Togetherness”
Real Life Rickrolling
Dearest Rachel – I would like to think that I wouldn’t have to explain the concept of the rickroll to anyone on the internet. Anyone who’s been out here any length of time has probably been conned into clicking a link that took them to Mr. Astley’s music video, and those who haven’t, really justContinue reading “Real Life Rickrolling”
Too Early on a Saturday
Dearest Rachel – I don’t know if it’s that I haven’t acclimatized myself to the time zone, or just that I fell asleep too early while Daniel and Logan were in the family room watching this or that. Maybe it’s just the wind, whipping around outside the bedroom; since there are windows on three sidesContinue reading “Too Early on a Saturday”
As Lazy as the Sun
Dearest Rachel – There is a disadvantage to untethering ourselves from the likes of alarm clocks and whatnot, relying solely on our own circadian rhythms to determine when to wake up. As the days grow shorter, and the sun gets up that much later every day, so we find ourselves sleeping in as well, becomingContinue reading “As Lazy as the Sun”
If You Laugh at Different Comics…
…If you root for different teams,Waste no time, weep no more,Show him what the door is for.Rub him out of the roll callAnd drum him out of your dreams. Oscar Hammerstein II, “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outa My Hair”, South Pacific (1949) Dearest Rachel – I mentioned before about the fact that thereContinue reading “If You Laugh at Different Comics…”
The Games We Must Play
Dearest Rachel – For all that I said the other day about women who insist that they don’t want someone who ‘plays games’ – and yet they inevitably play games themselves – the fact of the matter is, there is really no getting away from playing games in this process of finding someone to fillContinue reading “The Games We Must Play”
Only From A Distance
Dearest Rachel – I haven’t talked to you all that much recently about how things are going on the dating front. Not because I think you’d be jealous (while you never explicitly gave me the permission to find someone else after you were gone like I gave you, I’m pretty sure that your reaction whenContinue reading “Only From A Distance”
A Tourist Barely One Town Over
Dearest Rachel – So here I am, wandering around this park in Schaumburg; I’ve been invited to SeptemberFest by someone I met over the app. Unlike my dinner with Ellen, I guess this is something of a date – at least, once she’s done working the bingo booth for the Lions Club. Assuming I canContinue reading “A Tourist Barely One Town Over”
Wondering if the Chains Will Hold
Dearest Rachel – When I was a little kid, I really wasn’t much for roller coasters. The idea of being spun around and inverted at those dizzying speeds, suspended at heights that, were I to fall from, would undoubtedly kill me (and that was merely the drop itself; never mind the metal mechanisms and trackContinue reading “Wondering if the Chains Will Hold”
Seeing Other People
Dearest Rachel – It’s hard for me to wrap my head around it now, seeing as to how for so many years the two of us would appear in public practically joined at the hip. But in those early days of our relationship, we had, shall we say, “spaces in our togetherness.” In a way,Continue reading “Seeing Other People”
Letters to Rachel 