Dearest Rachel –
You might recall, as I was wrapping up yesterday‘s activities, that I mentioned about how the next week or so would be spent at sea, and therefore, I wouldn’t be running around one port or another, trying to accomplish this thing or that. Daniel and I could just sit back – or even lie back – and relax.
Well, that’s not happening just yet. It may be the whole time zone thing, or I’ve just been so frantic during the day that once I get back to the cabin after being ashore, I just collapse into unconsciousness, but for the last couple of days I’ve been waking up in the wee hours of the morning, with little more to do but to either fruitlessly try to go back to sleep, or get up and get something done, like writing to you. So, here I am; good morning, honey – but just barely.
In my defense, there are more than a few things that I’ve actually let go of since flying out at the beginning of the week. I haven’t done anything with processing camp registrations since Friday, for instance, and it’s been at least a month or two since I’ve darkened the gym door (especially since, the last time I was there, I was summoned from the place by Mom, who had been unable to lift Dad from his chair, which was the beginning of his current crisis).
That having been said, this is just the sort of thing that, now that I’m not having to rush hither and thither about one port city or another, comes to mind as something I need to get back to again. The gym in particular, as I’ve been eating three meals a day more often than not since coming aboard; with only the exception of the day I slept through lunch in order to get to a relatively small but interesting dinner. For what it’s worth, I actually put in the time on both the treadmill and the elliptical, the latter first of all because all of the former were occupied at the time; evidently, I wasn’t the only one to have these thoughts of needing to work off calories, especially on a sea day, when there’s not really all that much else to be done.
On the other hand, I still have yet to work on the camp’s books; or the church’s, for that matter. I could probably be forgiven for that, as the month isn’t quite over with yet, so there’s no real reason to switch into high gear, but at the same time, there are things that build up that need to be taken care of at some point, and there’s no reason that I can’t, apart from a lack of motivation.
It’s the same sort of thing that’s kept me from going through and editing the footage from both Sapporo and Otaru; I could easily put together five separate videos, but for the moment, I just can’t light the fire beneath myself to get started on them. Which is problematic for another reason; once we reach Alaska, there’s going to be one port after another in quick succession, and I’ll need to get the activities of each day processed pretty much immediately, lest they start to build up to impossible levels going forward. But for the moment, I’m just not in the mood to do so.
Does that mean I’m actually in relaxation mode? Not exactly. I suppose one could say I’m trying to be by setting them aside, but as long as they’re there, waiting to be taken care of, I’m still aware of their existence. It’s not quite like Damocles’ sword, but these are responsibilities of mine, both for others and self-imposed, that reside in the back of my mind, preventing me from being able to fully relax until they’ve been taken care of.
So why don’t I just bite the bullet and taken care of them, like I’ve done (and will have to continue doing) with my exercise regimen? I wish I could tell you. I would imagine that some of it has to do with the fact that there will be a number of sea days yet for me to deal with these things. Nothing – or at least very little – is going to build up to get me that much further behind, so why worry too much about them just yet? I still have tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. You would, while not approving of it, would at least understand this position, having been there so often in life.
There’s also the fact that these tasks are a little more awkward to take care of than when I was traveling solo a couple of years ago. With Daniel around, I feel like I need to either keep him entertained, or try not to disturb him. To be sure, in the latter case, I could just pull up stakes and work elsewhere in one of the common areas aboard ship – which I already do when I write you; so I probably should try to do that for those other tasks. Although, the other less than ideal situation is that on the Serenade, I could use the room television as a second monitor, and extend my screen for certain calculations, which I admit I’ve gotten a little spoiled with back at the ‘office.’ But these are really only excuses, in the final analysis, and I’m just going to have to work around them at some point.
So with that having been said, I’m going to have to ask you to keep an eye on me, honey; maybe give me a nudge where I need it (it’s always easier to nudge someone else than yourself, after all), and wish me well. I hardly need to tell you how much I need it.
Letters to Rachel 