Woefully Unprepared

Dearest Rachel –

I imagine that this a sensation you were quite familiar with in your day; I woke up this morning realizing I haven’t done my homework for a long time – well, at least for this week. And as a result, I’m going to show up at the Bible study woefully unprepared for it. Then again, this happened several weeks ago where I didn’t realize I even had homework, and I managed to bluff my way through the discussion without anyone being the wiser but myself.

I might as well explain. The men’s Bible study is currently going over a series that is not related to the sermon series being taught on Sundays. Rather, they’re going over a series online (from a pastor apparently based out in Vancouver) covering the topic of the seven deadly sins. I hadn’t realized at first that we were supposed to watch the sermons online independently, so the first one caught me off guard. On the other hand, that first topic was lust, which as you know (being my wife and, ah… partner) is not a topic that I need to study beforehand. Heck, it’s all in my name… I’m randy, with or without the capitalization.

Today is a little less ‘up my street,’ being about greed. Sure, I’m familiar with the concept, and I try to be careful with the investments your family left us, but I really don’t think this is something I have a huge problem with. After all, I’ve long since decided about the concept of ‘enough,’ as you remember.

Then again, the more I say “I’ve got this,” the less it’s likely to be true, so I probably should watch myself when I make assertions like this.

And as it turns out, one of the questions on the sheet talks about whether you hoard stuff, which… well, it strikes fairly close to home, now, doesn’t it? Needless to say, I’m not prepared to respond to that.

The topic of the rich fool is brought up, too. And while I don’t say anything about it, you may have heard me musing about it since the accident; is it possible that we thought we had everything all set up for our lives, and in the thinking that we had it made, the Lord decided that ‘this day, your soul would be required of you’? It’s a rabbit hole down which lies madness, but which is so hard to avoid considering; that of your death being some kind of punishment for one or another of us for getting too complacent in our financial position.

I want to believe that God doesn’t generally work that way, but just the fact that it’s brought up as a possibility in a parable would seem to suggest otherwise – at least, when He seems the situation warrants it, catching us again so unprepared.

Meanwhile, I seem to have discovered another thing that I’ve lost track of; I haven’t done any of my homework for Monday’s meeting of Grief Share (yes, we’re still meeting, despite the fact that Awana isn’t on this coming Monday due to First Nations Day). But as I would make my way around the house, I can’t seem to find where I might’ve left the workbook. It’s not even in the car, where I might’ve left it ever since we got home from club on Monday night. I’m starting to think that I might’ve left it behind at the Des Plaines campus, either in the kitchen or on the coat rack in the old fellowship hall. Maybe, with some luck, I’ll find them when I get there on Monday, and pick up where I left off. I won’t have done the week’s homework, but at least I’ll have an explanation, if not an excuse.

Ironically, you would probably have been able to remind me to take it home with me, and if it was lost somewhere in the house, you would know where it was. You always knew where everything was, if and when we needed it. Nowadays, it’s a good thing that we have pared things down, or else we’d never be able to find anything. As it is, I’m hard-pressed as a general rule to find anything useful in that bin of electronics that Jan piled together in a single box, which should be my domain, but…

And I mention the electronics specifically because Miss Joan has warned me that I need to keep my phone charged when I go downtown tomorrow to cheer on the folks running the marathon. It wasn’t that many Christmases ago that we bought portable chargers for each of us to travel with and keep our phones (and our iPads, and our other electronic equipment) charged up while we were traveling. The problem is, I have no idea where they’ve been salted away now that we’ve gone through everything. They’re in here somewhere, but if I can’t find them in a certain amount of time, they might as well not exist.

Although, after some moments of despairing of finding them in the basement, I head upstairs to the bedroom, where both yours and mine are sitting atop my old dresser.

And for all that sitting around doing nothing, it seems they’re both fully charged still. So for once, I’ve got something that’s ready to go as soon as I find it. I’m sure you would be thoroughly amused.

Anyway, as far as the other preparations for tomorrow are concerned, I’m sure you’d be able to think of so many things that I’m not even considering. At least, however, I’ve got something to hold up to let the runners know I’m cheering for them, and a noisemaker to get their attention with.

The only thing is, if I’m going to hold them all up at once, I’m going to need three hands. Maybe I can tape the “Go Erin!” page to the canvas, and leave it at that.

At the end of it all, I find myself resigned to the fact that I will not think of everything. And that’s probably okay. As the meme goes, if it didn’t occur to me, it probably wasn’t that important.

Of course, we all know better than that, right?
Please tell me I’m not this guy…

As always, wish me luck, honey… I’m going to need it.

Published by randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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