Dearest Rachel –
I don’t remember which one it was, but I think it was at one of the many Anime Central conventions we attended together. The dealers’ hall would always have a number of vendors selling T-shirts with funny images and sayings on them (a number of which ended up in one or another of your quilts). Somewhere along the line, we got one for Daniel with a drawing of a lethargic kitten lying on the ground, with the legend “Full of Pizza and Doubts.” I hardly need to tell you that he still has it, although I can’t say he’s worn it any time recently.
So I was this morning upon waking up, mere minutes before my alarm was set to go off. Not that I had any doubts about being able to make it to the airport, or through the security checkpoint (although the line was longer than I can remember seeing for a long time), or even that I would be able to get myself put together before my Uber showed up (although she actually did arrive almost ten minutes before she was scheduled to, catching me slightly short while I was in the washroom – you certainly know how that goes). No, this runs a bit deeper than that.
Let’s get the ‘full’ part out of the way first, though. That had to do with yesterday’s ‘study’ with the men in the morning. This being the first weekend of the month, the custom tends to be that we either meet at a restaurant or Steve brings his flatbed grill to church and cooks breakfast for us. And I hardly need to tell you that it’s usually well-attended as a result; who doesn’t appreciate a home-cooked meal of a Saturday morning?
The thing was, yesterday morning was dark and rainy. Several of us were independently wondering whether the ‘study’ would even be held; the church has a covered alcove by the front doors, but none of us could remember if that would provide enough shelter to cook under. Meanwhile, the gloom of the day could have easily discouraged several of our number from showing up (and some might have been thrown off by the darkness, and not woken up on time to get there), even if they didn’t think of checking about whether things were still happening.
As a result, since everything was still happening, rain or not, there were fewer guys there than had been provided for in terms of foodstuffs and other supplies. This naturally means that there were a lot of leftovers as things began to wind down (and we had to clean up quickly, as the weekly food pantry would begin setting up shortly). Steve came up to me with a couple of disposable trays. “Would Daniel maybe want any of this? I’m going to have to throw all this out otherwise; at worst, you can take it home and throw out what you don’t use.”
I hardly need to tell you that I took all this home, rather than let it get thrown out. Between Daniel and Logan, the pancakes were quickly polished off, as well as a fair amount of Steve’s Mexican O’Brian potatoes. But by evening, there was still a healthy helping of the latter. Normally, I don’t do dinner of a Saturday night, but having only had breakfast – and an early one at that – I left church that evening feeling still a bit hungry, and regardless of what Samwise Gamgee might say, one cannot live on potatoes alone
So, Daniel and I grabbed something from a (relatively) nearby burger joint before heading home, making sure to also check in with Logan as to what he might want, as well as with Mom to see if she would like us to stop off with an extra bulletin (as it happened, she claimed that she would be going to church herself some time this morning, so it wasn’t necessary for us to drop by. Just as well, as we’d gone a little out of the way for these particular burgers, and wanted to get them home while they were still warm). However, we’d each ordered what amounted to a complete meal from the place… and I still felt compelled to finish off what had been left of the potatoes (although I did dispose of the eggs that the boys hadn’t finished in the morning; they didn’t look all that healthy by evening). As a result, I was full almost to the point of discomfort by the time I was finished and tried to put myself to bed – and I rose up much the same way.
As for the doubts, well, that has to do with the book we were assigned to go through that I told you about yesterday morning. When I showed up at the airport, one of the campus pastors who were traveling with the group informed me that we had only been required to go through section five, as opposed to the entire book, which must have escaped my notice at the time of our briefing. Considering the tone of the book at the beginning, it’s just as well; it starts off all but implying that the time and money spent by Americans going on short-term missions trips – a billion and a half dollars per year, and then some – would go so much farther if we all just stayed home and just sent the money down to the local organizers directly.
I’m sure it’s not what they mean to say, but any suggestion that we’re wasting our time, money and effort is just the sort of thing that amplifies my own concerns that anything I might do over the course of this upcoming week will be but a drop in the bucket of what is needed down there.
Of course, the question is also posed to the reader directly; couldn’t the money be better used elsewhere? It gives off vibes like Judas Iscariot asking about the unnamed woman of ill-repute who bathed Jesus’ feet in perfume worth a year’s salary for the average worker at the time. I get that, as the blurb in the back of the book says, ‘good intentions are not enough’; indeed, it’s understood that they can be paving stones leading to the worst of places. But at the same time, if everybody’s efforts are denigrated as wasteful, what would ever be done for others? Attempts by humans to bless other humans will by nature be imperfect, but are we to not do good when we can’t be perfect?
At least as far as travel and time go, if it is a waste, I’m only wasting my own money, rather than asking others to sponsor me, thereby making me responsible for their funds as well. As it is, I know full well that I could spend my time and money far less efficiently for the kingdom than by doing this; there are other places I would enjoy visiting above this.
This is probably too early, both in the morning itself and in the trip overall, for this many questions, honey. So for now, I’ll just ask as usual that you just keep your eye on me, and wish me well. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 