Hung Up On the Future

Posted byrandy@letters-to-rachel.memorialPosted inAdrift in the World, Conventional Behavior, Updates From the Abandoned PlanetTags:, , , , , , , , ,

Dearest Rachel –

It’s weird to realize that, in less than a week from now, Daniel and I will be winging our way back to Tokyo after a little more than two months. It somehow manages to take the punch out of the convention, in much the same way that two years ago, it felt almost anticlimactic to be here after traipsing about half the world until a few days previous.

But that’s the way things become once you make a habit of traveling like we have. We’re not yet to the point where we’re blasé about the process (although once again, having the lead-up overshadowed by Dad’s illness has precluded me from getting overly focused on, let alone excited about, the upcoming moment), and we may never be, but it does leave us less than awed by this event in comparison.

Which you would think shouldn’t happen. Tokyo will always be there, any time we choose to go, but Anime Central, like Christmas, comes but once a year (although it lasts longer). And there’s no question that the crowds are as big, the costumes as plentiful and elaborate, and there’s as much, if not more, to do and see as there ever has been. Even despite the fact that we’ve spent plenty of time at the hotel (and the nearby mall food court for one dinner or another), I’ve also made my presence felt at the event itself – attending at least one panel each day, including today, where I’ve started writing this to you while waiting to get in (another staple of con life)

Although in fairness, I didn’t leave nearly the impact on the event as whoever prompted multiple ambulances to show up at the convention center, leaving the rest of us to wonder what exactly went down that we weren’t a part of (and granted, wouldn’t want to be a part of)
The closest thing to leaving any real impact on the place was in making a contribution to the list of underrated anime titles; the only one, in fact, that comes from the slice-of-life genre – would that make it an underrated genre? And while you might have suggested I recommend Haibane Renmei, or even Yorimoi (since I’ve gone on about it to you in these letters), I couldn’t help myself. I pointed out that each of the members of the audience deserves an understanding spouse (which should give you another hint as to which one on this list is mine).
Most of the time spent on the premises, however, was in wandering around the exhibit hall, looking at the goods for sale without ever really finding anything worth purchasing and taking home. As I’ve mentioned before, this stuff is meant to be shared, and with no one to share it with, it becomes just a little pointless.
I didn’t even take a whole lot of cosplay pictures, apart from a few examples of this particular character that you might remember (but very few others do, at this point) and Daniel used to like, in order to show to him at some point. I haven’t gotten around to that just yet, though, so you’re the first one to see this.
And it wasn’t until the last day, after sitting through the last panel the boys had in mind to check out (having to do with a show, Frieren, that I’d seen apart from them and enjoyed, but still) that we made our way to the video game section of the exhibit hall. Which is weird because, unlike the dealers’ and artists’ areas, this was running twenty-four hours a day for the duration of the convention; I – we – could have dropped in on this at any point during our stay, but never found it all that compelling – not even as much as thoughts of our upcoming trips.

And it’s not as if we’re going to stay in Japan that long this time around. It’ll be one overnight stay in Tokyo’s Harumi ‘neighborhood’ (if you can call it that; it’s just another man-made port area, like Aomi, where were initially supposed to be docked), followed by a day at sea and another overnight in Otaru, just outside of Sapporo, before crossing the Pacific by way of the Aleutian Islands and the Inside Passage. There’s at least half a dozen stops we’re making in Alaska before ending up in Vancouver and flying home. So it’s not the same big deal that our trip three years ago was – or that next year is going to be (but that’s definitely a story for another time).

So why am I so hung up on the future that I’m not really focusing on the present? I’m not really sure; maybe this is feeling a little too much like any other year at the con, for all I know. And it’s not like I haven’t come to this realization about myself and my attention before; it’s just that I’m that much more aware of it – and the reason I might be engaging in it – than usual. That being said, just because I recognize what’s going on doesn’t mean I know what to do about it.

Still, as we wrap up one big event – whether or not my heart and mind are into it – and turn our attention to the next one, I appreciate your eye to be upon us, honey. Oh, and wish us well; we’re going to need it.

Published by randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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