Only So Much Time

Dearest Rachel –

Given that I prefer to get a letter out to you early on in the day, in case I run out of time as the day wears on, today is going to be a real challenge. It’s why I’m trying to at least get it started a couple of days beforehand, so I can wrap it up and send it to you right when I get up (more or less).

Granted, I’m sure there will be plenty to tell you about during the convention; even dating back to the reports I used to write under my nom de fanfiction, I could go pretty long. But those took time to assemble, and I don’t necessarily have the time in the moment to get that done, unless I focus on a single moment here or there, like the time I faceplanted while playing a VR game, and make that the subject of an entire letter. In which case, you might get more than one a day over the next three days; I’m sure you’d appreciate that, if I could.

At the same time, I can’t promise anything; if nothing else, there’s a lot about each of these conventions that become quite… well, conventional, over time. Each one seems much like another, with the only variances having to do with which hotel we might happen to be staying at. Unless something really jumps out, there’s not a whole lot of this that’s going to seem unfamiliar to you compared to any other ACen we’ve been to in the past.

Meanwhile, I’m skipping out on so many of the events you and I used to make a point of attending back in the day. Part of this is because the subject matter of this or that panel was more your thing. Some others no longer happen; the fanfiction panel has been basically eliminated for the past couple of years. Others (like the Masquerade) have insane lines leading into them that I haven’t the desire to actually deal with, and still others (such as any 18+ panel) leave me with a certain sense of “what’s the point anymore?” resignation. I wonder if that final admission would shock you, as it wasn’t as if you were some kind of bad influence on me; quite the contrary, in fact. But as it’s grown clear that I’ve no one to nudge about such stuff, so why bother?

Still, you’d think I’d have a few hours first thing in the morning to check in with you before the boys are ready to head out. And maybe I will, but I’d also like to check in with Dad if at all possible; and while I might be able to read an article or two while I’m in his presence (especially if he’s catching a few winks now and again), I’ve never been able to write you while there. And even if I was, any lull in the visit would prompt the boys to get me out of there and off to Rosemont where everything is going to be happening soon; we don’t want to miss a moment of… whatever it is. Me, I’m growing more ambivalent every year, even as I continue to look for titles to enjoy now and then.

I do hope I’ll have time to test the WhatsApp connection with Dad, though, even if I don’t manage to stop by the rehab center on the way out. If I can make it work over the course of the weekend, keeping in touch with him while overseas should be equally manageable; all I have to make sure of is that he’s ready to take my call when I let him know I’m fixing to do so.

That’s really all I have to tell you about as we’re about to head out the door. If something happens today, I’ll try to let you know about it, but I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep. There’s only so much time in the day, both to experience things and to write them down for your consumption – and mine, should I wish to peruse these again some time in the future. But then, when would I have the time to do that?

Regardless, I’d like to hope that you could keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me well. I’m still going to need it.