It’s My Own Fault

Dearest Rachel –

I don’t know if it’s a case of my being preoccupied with one or another thing, or that you would have made it more of a priority than I have, but in either case, this would never have happened on your watch.

The other day, while Daniel and I were catching up on a few videos together while Logan was either out or still working, he came over to poke his head into the room and announce that Anime Central had released its overall schedule for the upcoming weekend (not this coming weekend, mind you, but the one following that). It was at that moment that I wondered about my schedule of working the audio-visual booth at church; I’d just done a stint this past weekend, and if my memory served me correctly, I would be off this weekend, which meant… oh, no.

Sure enough, when I checked my schedule, I realized that I had accepted an assignment the week before we were to be flying out to catch our next cruise ship – which meant that I’d be in the booth over ACen weekend. If you were still here, you would have been on top of that part of our schedule, and never have allowed this to happen.

And I’ll own up to it; it’s my own fault this happened. Between being more concerned about having the time off to go cruising (and come on, which is better; exploring Japanese culture through anime and the like, or exploring Japan itself by traveling? Actually, maybe don’t answer that, as that’s like comparing apples to yuzu) and having to watch over Dad in his current crisis, I gave no real thought to my schedule for May when it came out. I just saw two weekends on assignment, with one off in between, and figured it would be fine. Somewhere along the way, I forgot all about the timing.

I assure you that it wasn’t this way throughout the entirety of the year. Sure, I couldn’t get a room in one of the blocks associated with the convention, but it wasn’t for lack of trying on the day they went up for sale. The booking websites weren’t easily accessible during the first fifteen minutes, and within an hour from the announcement, there wasn’t anything left available. I wound up booking us a place in the Loews hotel – for a second time since your departure – a little south of the convention center, but still closer than the Rose we’d stayed at a couple of years ago. Meanwhile, I’d gotten my admission badge in plenty of time to have it mailed to me, rather than having to pick it up a week from today. So it’s not as if I haven’t made most of the arrangements in a timely manner – although, in my defense, those preparations were made so long ago, and so much has happened since, that I think I could be cut some slack for letting things slip my mind.

Part of it stems from the fact that I’m not the otaku I used to be, once upon a time – even now, when you’d think I’d have all the time in the world to indulge in the hobby. I’ve actually gotten more into it than in previous years, having watched a few series with Daniel when we were over on the island with what’s left of you, and several others since then. Some were at his recommendation, and others were my own discovery (sometimes even from my YouTube algorithm recommendations, which is mildly ironic, since it may be YouTube that has taken up the ‘watch time’ that I used to fill with anime). But all the same, it’s still not the volume of stuff you and I used to watch together. In particular, I’ve not bothered with any hentai anime since your departure; what’s the point, when you’re not there to turn to and say, “Hey, honey, that looks like fun; why don’t we try that?”

The other reason is the one that drove you to keep up with these things; the fact that the conventions are a social occasion. Sure, you enjoyed anime – more genres than I did, in fact, despite the fact that I introduced the concept to you – but the conventions were where you were in your element, able to flit from person to person, commenting on cosplay, talking to various presenters and thanking whatever creators our paths happened to cross for the work they did. As for myself, I could take or leave these occasions (and while they were an opportunity to obtain books, video and other merch, it wasn’t worth it for just that – and with prices for everything going up all the time, it’s that much less so now than in your day); it was more because you enjoyed it than I did.

You already know that I’ve given up on our annual pilgrimage to Iowa because it’s no longer our pilgrimage; when it’s just mine, it isn’t worth it. Thus far, the boys are still into it all; perhaps even more so than when you were around, since Logan’s own enthusiasm builds up Daniel’s and the two of them generate a positive feedback loop that makes returning a necessary thing, even without you to share it with.

However, somewhere along the way, I forgot to free up my schedule – or rather, allowed it to get more cluttered than I could afford to get it, with this coming up. Besides, I had already blocked out the days for our travel (which is apparently my priority these days, as opposed to this); to add more blackout days seemed excessive. I’m sure I could work around it; spend next Friday and Saturday morning at the convention, and just head out for rehearsal Saturday afternoon, along with Sunday morning services. It’s not ideal, but it can work out, especially given that Rosemont isn’t that far away, after all. And maybe that’s for the best to do that – having to live with a half-spent convention will certainly teach me a lesson in keeping my schedule clean, assuming I’m willing to learn from it.

At the same time, since the Mother’s Day weekend looks like it’s going to be clear (Jenn is suggesting that we take Mom out on Monday to both avoid the rush and allow her to spend the weekend with Dad, as things are still touch-and-go with him), I might just be able to repeat last week’s schedule, if I can swap weekends with somebody. It’s unseemly to have to beg for the time off, but if it’s to happen, I need to make the request. You never know if you don’t ask.

And with that being said, I’ll ask you to keep an eye on me, and wish me well; I’m definitely going to be needing it.

P.S. Well, it would seem that I’ve dodged a bullet, and will be able to spend the weekend in Rosemont after all. I’ve been able to swap schedules between the two weekends with another veteran in the booth, so I’m free to keep an eye on the boys throughout the entirety of the convention. Thanks so much for the well wishes, honey, and I hope you can keep an eye on the goings-on.