In the blanks below write the two most significant statements in today’s reading assignment. Be prepared to discuss why the statements you chose were significant to you.
“If people did not remain strangers to themselves, they would not maintain all their lives in the same paralyzed state. But they give flattering names to their own natural weaknesses – I palliate my paralyzed state.
“ we must become accustomed to looking beyond our own behavior and emotions and ask ourselves, ‘What is the ruling lust in my heart right now that is driving this behavior or emotion?’ – fun? pride? adrenaline?”
Complete the following statement by John Owen…: ‘If people did not remain strangers to themselves, they would not maintain all their lives in the same “paralyzed” state. But they give flattering names to their own natural weaknesses. They try to justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of their own hearts, rather than “uproot and destroy them ruthlessly.”’
In order to help you more specifically discover your own way, complete the sentences below.
a. I feel most secure when “all three of us are home, relaxing with our laptops in front of the TV. ”
b. All I want to have/be/do is “have: creature comforts – gadgets mostly/ be: entertained, amused/ do: play games, have fun, watch TV.”
c. The thing I worry about most is “loss – of loved ones through death and of stuff through breakage, loss, or theft.”
d. The thing that keeps me awake at night is “trying to meet deadlines in my games.”
e. I go into a panic when “I can’t find my iPod or the power or internet goes down in late evening (midnight McDonald’s wi-fi runs).”
f. I get most angry when “my game won’t load or crashes right after loading. (Also [as with] e. – when WOW goes out at midnight)”
g. I tend to get very discouraged when “I make the effort to get chores done and we still don’t eat until nine and another Tuesday has no games.”
Praise – “You are magnificent, magnanimous, merciful, and majestic.”
Repent – “I’m sorry I squander so much of the precious time you give me.”
Yield – “I will try to be a better steward of my time and do better by my family.”
Dearest Rachel –
There’s a bit to unpack here in this study, honey. I occasionally felt kind of strange to be in the family room together with you and Daniel, each of us on our separate computers with YouTube playing in the background, wondering if we should set them aside for a moment in order to connect with each other more directly. I generally refrained from doing so, in part because I was just as into my own thing as you were yours – and while I wondered if we were wasting time in our own separate pursuits, I subscribed to the maxim that “time enjoyed in the wasting is never wasted time,” which left it hardly worthwhile for me to disturb.
Based on your answers regarding when you feel the most secure and what you wanted most out of life, that inaction on my part seems to have been the right call. As much as – seeing as to how we were off in our own little worlds, even as we were together in the same room – I was ambivalent about the situation, it’s somewhat reassuring that you appreciated, even treasured, those moments together as they were. I’m still not sure it was really the right way to interact, but I’m glad that you felt comfortable in the situation that existed.
It is kind of funny how your computer games were such a source of both comfort and desire (when it was functioning properly) as well as worry, panic and anger (when it wasn’t). While I recognize your anger and frustration at not having internet access – I’ve written to you about such moments since your departure, not considering at the time that you had experienced similar emotions in similar such moments – I think we could both agree that if these are the things that keep us awake at night, we don’t have that much in the way of real problems, do we, honey?
That being said, what you consider your greatest worry is something of a legitimate concern (although your hold on material goods may have contributed to our house being something of a perpetual mess); losing people is a terrible thing, particularly given your concerns about your folks’ spiritual state. And yes, I’m guessing that you had your parents in mind in particular – although I wonder if you had any concerns about the likelihood that I would pass before you (which, of course, turned out not to be the case). Did any of that concern subside once your parents passed, or did it transfer over to me?
But as for my impact on you, I wonder if I wasn’t part of the reason you could never get us to the dinner table until late. Sure, that’s no longer a problem with Daniel and myself (although as often as not, he and Logan are eating independent of me), but since I usually get home from the ‘office’ at what would be an absurdly early hour to Work Farce Me, that’s an easy thing to do. Back then, though, I wouldn’t leave the office until closer to six than five, and then there’s the commute home. And if we had an evening commitment else where, well… of course there wouldn’t be a chance to eat until nine or so. Then again, by referring to Tuesday, you might be referring to that weekly get-together we used to have with Ellen and/or Kevin that hasn’t been a thing for so long.
But I suppose you didn’t dress up your priorities with ‘flattering names,’ so that ought to count for something. I’m not sure my priorities are in terribly good order, either. To that end, I’d ask for you to keep an eye on me, and wish me luck, as I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 