Think back on times you’ve taken long trips with people, family, or not. Based on those experiences what makes traveling together particularly challenging?
“sometimes lack of personal space and privacy, just trying to have fun instead of getting on anyone’s nerves”
Think of someone with whom you enjoy traveling. What makes it work?
“Randy – my favorite times are when he plays our guessing game with me”
How about you? Any signs of the perfect family? “no”
Without specifying names, what are a few of the most challenging imperfections within your nuclear and/or extended family?
“Every Christmas with my folks, and sometimes with my in-laws, our son has some sort of meltdown.”
Why does not necessarily having chosen relationships make family complicated?
“There are some family members who if they weren’t, and you had the option to become friends and grow a relationship, you would immediately recognize incompatibility and decide not to bother.”
Even the challenges [family] pose can be effective motivation to seek His throne, His help, and His healing. Furthermore, if we only choose to be around those who require virtually nothing hard from us, what will prompt us (force us) to change? 
Think of someone in your life God has most used to make you seek change. Without mentioning his or her name, what about the person made you need to change?
“I seem to attract challenging friends – far more than any family. They have forced me to be less selfish and more caring and compassionate to even be able to give them a fraction of all they need(/demand) from me.”
How have you discovered this [that God wants us to be happy and useful] to be true?
“Often when I feel I’ve done enough in a day and can relax a while, God brings a new need or a change of plan my way. I try to stay flexible.”
The family is a crucial institution. It affects everyone, for good or ill. By its very nature, it can be the place where one experiences and learns intimacy, love, and growth, or it can be the place where one experiences and learns resentment, abuse, and destructive behavior. (“Suzy”)
Dearest Rachel –
As gratifying as it is to see it from you, there is also a sense of “well, it stands to reason” to see that, of all the people you’ve traveled with, I’m the one you enjoyed doing so with the most. After all, the only member of your family that you’re able to choose is your spouse; they had better be worth traveling the road of life with. Certainly, you were for me – although I have to admit, the guessing game would not have come to mind when it came to making the trips more bearable. Maybe it’s due to the fact that, in the shotgun seat, you didn’t have as much to occupy your mind with as I did behind the wheel; while you grew out of the childish “are we there yet?” you never outgrew the childlike desire to get where we were going, and could get bored if not for keeping your mind occupied.
Interestingly enough, you mention your “challenging” choices of friends, and how they could be a trial. That’s not a reflection on you, claiming you were some poor judge of character; you chose to be their friend because of their issues, not in spite of them. You saw that these people needed friends more than most of us do, and tried to be that friend. This didn’t benefit you all that much, as they were every bit as much the challenge to deal with as you expected – and I, much like Job’s wife, would occasionally advise you to cut them out of your life, as they appeared to be demanding you do. But you would double down, sensing the need in them that much more. I do hope it’s earned you some additional crown in heaven – even if you only hold it long enough to set it at Jesus’ feet.
As for Daniel, well… while I haven’t forced him to grow up and make his own way in the world, I think you’d be okay with how he’s turned out. I suspect those meltdowns were as much a product of his condition (after all, one symptom of autism is wanting everything to be done the same as it always is; a visit to the folks’ – yours or mine – is a disruption to that precious continuity, and it doesn’t sit well). He’s gotten better about that; while he stays at home a lot, he also gets out and does stuff on his own as well these days. You didn’t really get to see any of that – and like with my workout regimen, it might not have happened if you had stayed here, as your presence would be a reason not to head out on either of our own recognizance – and it’s one of those regrets that we have about your departure. He may not be as flexible as you aspired to me, but he is certainly more so as time goes by, but I’d like to think you’d be pleased with how we’re doing.
Still, if you would keep an eye on us, and continue to wish us luck, I’d appreciate it. We’re still going to need it, honey.
Letters to Rachel 