An Honest Cheat Day

Dearest Rachel –

Four-thirty in the morning, and I’m awake. It doesn’t exactly surprise me; while a little earlier than most days this week, I’ve been getting into something of a habit of waking up early enough to walk down to the gym and put in a few miles of walking in before getting back to the house in time to wash up and start the day as if nothing had happened yet. It’s all part of the plan to get and stay in shape for Megumi, even as I doubt her existence more and more every single day.

The thing is, getting up early in the morning and heading over there isn’t exactly in the cards. Unlike the weekdays, when the place is open by four, the place doesn’t open until six on the weekends. As a result, while it’s sometimes difficult for me to tell the difference between a weekday and a weekend day, I have to keep up on these things; I’d look and feel stupid if I were to show up now, only to wind up having to cool my heels outside the place for several hours, waiting for it to open up.

Of course, I also have to keep track of what day it is because my schedule changes, as well. I’ve mentioned it before, honey, but I have a more rigorous schedule on the weekends than I do on the weekdays, contra basically anyone else on earth, it seems. While this week doesn’t have me in the booth (and therefore this weekend isn’t nearly as rigorous as most), I have an additional commitment – however optional and recreational – of attending a cookout at the home of the leader of our men’s Bible study this afternoon. This means, as you might guess, that I’m not gonna be fasting this weekend. Quite the contrary, in fact; I recently saw a memetic observation pointing out that, if you were to order multiple hamburgers in a restaurant, people would look at you askance, but when you go to a cookout and finish your second hamburger, you’re just likely to be offered a hotdog to go with it all. i’ll be there, and bring Daniel along with me, but I’m going to have to watch myself; and Jeff’s a good cook, too.

As I’m lying here, trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings, and whether I’ll have time to work out before the morning study, I can also hear the background noise of rain on the roof of the bedroom. One more argument against going out; one more weapon in my id’s arsenal to use against my superego’s insistence, along with the fact that I’ve done this literally every day all week. One would think I would be entitled to an honest cheat day, where I didn’t have to worry about exercise or fasting.

But as I’m processing all of this, I’m also realizing that I’m basically awake, whether I want to be or not, whether I want to go or not. I might as well get up, and go through whatever part of my routine I can deal with at the house. This includes getting on the scale, and adding one more data point to that chart I’ve been tracking for the past two years:

Two twenty-eight and a half. If I’m to believe this, I’ve gained five pounds since I came home from the gym yesterday. Part of that is probably in the form of water; my thermos holds probably a liter of the stuff or so, so when I replenish myself from it, that’s adding two pounds right there. there’s also the fact that I splashed out yesterday afternoon, and finished the rest of my pizza leftovers; half a pizza – even taking into account the fact that anchovies are the least caloric meat topping available (although the stuff that Papa Johns uses is vastly different from what I had at Shakey’s, and I can’t say I’m anywhere near as fond of it) – is going to add up in terms of calories.

However, in terms of sheer weight, I’m pretty sure I haven’t actually consumed five pounds worth of food over the past 20-24 hours; and yet, here I am. Then again, certain things contain more calories than you’d expect from their weight; I’m to understand that a gram of uranium contains about twenty million calories. Although, it would probably kill you to consume it, especially if you were able to digest and process all those calories.

Nevertheless, I’m in this situation where I’m torn over the fact that I’ve got relatively little time to try and work some of those calories off, and commitments to go and put a few more on. At the same time, there’s always the fact that I’m not really keen to do the one activity, and rather looking forward to the other – assuming that the rain lets up.

Which it seems like it has, honey; so now I’ve got one less excuse to skip out. I’ve got an hour before I have to decide what to do, honey, so if you’ll keep an eye on me, and nudge me in the right direction – whichever way that is – I’d really appreciate it. Oh, and wish me luck; I’m going to need it.