Boaz Without Ruth

Dearest Rachel –

I considered titling this letter “Boaz Seeks Ruth,” which admittedly sounds like the wording of a traditional personals ad, except that, as I began to type, it occurred to me that he very much wasn’t seeking her – or anyone else, for that matter. In fact, he had very much given up on the search for anyone, thinking himself too old for her (or, again, anyone else). You might recall that, when she mentions to him about him being a kinsman-redeemer, he praises her for her kindness, not just for the fact that she is looking out after the interests of her mother-in-law and family, but adds that “you didn’t look for a young man to marry,” suggesting that a.) she was well within her rights to do so, as opposed to seeking this levirate union, and b.) he was that much older than her, to the point that, even though he had certain significant financial advantages, he still considered himself out of her league due to the age difference. It’s that latter aspect that, while he did single her out for special treatment, due in no doubt to a certain level of real attraction to her, he did not seek or pursue her outright. She had to come to him before he would take any steps to presume to arrange any union between them.

And that’s the interesting – and appealing, at least from certain perspectives – thing about Ruth. For all that I was telling you yesterday about how certain women want to be in control of their lives, to the point where they literally can’t bring themselves to ‘submit’ to a relationship – because it renders themselves somehow subservient to another individual who they consider, at best, a peer, and more likely, an inferior – she is the antithesis to this feminist paradigm. But if they were to think about it, modern feminists would probably find Ruth a challenging character to figure out. She’s quite clearly not the ‘girl boss’ they want to see (and think they want to be), and yet she has far more agency than she is given credit for. She outright defies her mother-in-law’s instruction at first, but she does so specifically so she can go with her, thereby making herself subject to Naomi and her culture’s rules (we used her plea of “your people will be my people, and your God my God” as part of our own wedding vows, as you’ll recall). She is the one who approaches Boaz, but once he is aware of her presence, she makes a request is for him to “spread [your] cloak over me”; asking him to protect her, as opposed to suggesting that she has no need of a man’s ‘help’ in her life.

As a result, despite being an individual who, in that society (or any society in that day and age, and for millennia to come), was considered among the most helpless and insignificant, she became a heroine of the story surrounding her. The book is not named for Naomi, who suffered greatly through the first few chapters, losing her husband and two sons (and returning home understandably – from a human perspective – bitter for the experience). Nor is it named for Boaz (בעז, meaning ‘by strength’), whose own strength would ultimately provide for Ruth as the story came to a close. It’s named for Ruth, who chose to be with each of these people, sensing in them someone to lean on and support in turn, to their benefit as well as her own.

And so, while I continue to refer to my idealized future life companion as “Megumi” (because who wouldn’t consider finding someone like that to be a ‘blessing’?), I – and while I won’t presume to speak for other men, I’m sure they wouldn’t object if she would approach them – would love to find myself a Ruth. To be approached, almost out of the blue, by a girl, asking for protection through the upcoming storms of life – what man who, considering himself able to offer such protection, would refuse such a request, especially from someone he had already taken a shine to, but wouldn’t dare to offer more to than the occasional meal?

Seriously, it’s a man’s dream come true.

Sadly, I fear it is to remain little more than a dream, these days. In an era where, while “it is not good that man should be alone,” it seems to be an accepted fact that “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,” which is to say, not at all. I suppose it could be worse; men could be considered ‘the enemy’ of women – although if there was a woman who thought that way about me, I wouldn’t want any more to do with her than she would with me, so it all rather works out for the both of us. But the point stands; I don’t expect to be sought out, no matter how much I might wish it.

So, while I may be in a position like Boaz’, I’m not sure I can sit around, waiting for a Ruth to suddenly appear at my feet. Then again, there was a time when I had given up on finding anyone before, and it was then that you came to me with an unexpectedly enthusiastic response to my letter. Maybe, with a little bit of practice (while not getting my hopes up too high), it could happen again.

With that in mind, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

P.S. In case you were wondering, I didn’t think entitling this letter “Ruthless” would have conveyed the right message. Besides, the topic is too serious for a dad joke, wouldn’t you agree?