A Prayer For Daniel

Father God –

First of all, thank You for being willing and desirous for us to call You that. The idea that the Creator of the Universe is willing to consider us His children when we, as a rule, do little more than bring You embarrassment and regret that You even thought to create us, is something that we cannot thank You for enough. It’s beyond our ability to understand how far above us You are, and yet, You want us to relate to You as a loving Father.

With that in mind, we would ask that You would show us what You want from us in terms of the paths that we take in this world. You have sent prophets to give us an outline of Your wishes – do what’s right and just, be merciful toward others, and be humble as we walk with You – that sounds so simple, but for whatever reason, we can’t seem to agree on how to go about those seemingly straightforward steps. Take the concept of ‘social justice,’ for instance: that sounds like exactly what You’re asking for through Micah. Yet at the same time, as we seek this sort of ‘justice,’ it appears we run afoul of Your will in the process:

The Lord hates both of these things: ·freeing the guilty and punishing the innocent [L judging the righteous wicked and the wicked righteous].

Proverbs 17:15, Expanded Bible

Please, Lord, show us what Your will truly is, and how to best bring it to pass, in our own lives, and in that of our world at large. May we be able to do so with the same strength, speed and energy as is done for You by Your angels in heaven.

With all that having been said, I’ve come to You with a request regarding Daniel. You know all too well what a trying year this has been for us. My heart has been broken by the loss we suffered, and while You assure us that we will see Rachel again some day, You have for whatever reason determined that we should be apart for however many more years You have measured out for me. This same fact applies to Daniel. As near as I can tell, both of us have lost our closest and dearest friend, as well as a wife and mother, respectively. We may claim to be surviving that loss (and You have allowed a number of people and things to surround us to cushion that blow considerably), and we have no choice but to continue moving forward in our lives (unlike You, we are unable to move but in any other direction with regard to the fourth dimension), but we do not tread that path unscathed.

I confess that I do not understand what or how Daniel feels about all that has happened, and what he has lost. There are times when I wonder if he even notices; and then there are times when he takes notice of my own feelings of loss, to the subsuming of his own. I cannot tell what he is – or if he is – suffering from having had his mother taken from him.

But You do.

Comfort him, Father, should he need it. I promise to do my best to do so myself, as well, but I’m not the best judge of what he needs and when, and I’m all too aware of how ham-fisted my attempts at consolation can be from time to time, especially when I’m in a state where I might very well be no better than a blind guide. He has no need of that, save perhaps for the sake of occasional commiseration.

For the most part, he seems to need so little of that. He looks toward a future with You in charge; would that I could be so hopeful. He claims to hear You speak directly to him, and he will occasionally talk back, in tones that are incomprehensible to me. I try not to intrude on those discussions; as Bill Moyers once said to Lyndon Johnson when the latter urged him to ‘speak up’ when he was praying, “I’m not talking to you, Mister President.” If he is talking to You, I want to leave him to that which is more important. I may be Martha to his Mary, and I wouldn’t interfere with his time with You for anything.

But I’m not entirely convinced that it’s You he’s actually conversing with. On matters of the future, he makes pronouncements from those he’s heard that I could have sworn suggested that everything would change by now. It hasn’t. The same people who were sworn in at the beginning of this year are all still in charge now, despite his assurances that it’s all smoke, mirrors, shadows and illusions. Those who supposedly held the reigns in 2020 are not doing so now (and even if they truly were behind the scenes, they’re doing a rotten job of it; they’re running the country like the Swedish Chef cooks). You have said that the mark of a true prophet is that everything they say will come true, but it hasn’t. And yet he still believes in them.

I know that what the one says about heaven is incredibly appealing; I’d love to believe what she says about what it’s like (since, according to her, she’s been there several times in the past). But that’s almost the point; it’s the sort of thing that would scratch the itchy ears of so many people who would want to hear it, and that doesn’t speak well for her.

I want to believe, Lord, but help my faith – and direct his.

This year, I do believe things will change, but they will change through the normal channels, not necessarily through some supernatural revelation. I know You are capable of anything and everything, but You have gone so long without showing Your face, I cannot bring myself to imagine it happening at this point. Besides, the normal ebb and flow of history seems to be returning us toward sanity without Your great hand literally having to come down and move the chess pieces personally, so why not let the next eleven or twelve months play out?

But that’s not what I hear from him. And I worry that he may become disillusioned if things don’t work out as they’re ‘supposed’ to. Then again, he doesn’t seem to mind that here and now, as the year is about to turn over, things here are getting more, rather than less, restrictive, so maybe he’ll be able to adapt to the situations as they unfold. Still, be with him in those ways that I can’t – and You know they are many. Let him feel Your true presence, and let him (and me) look toward the future with Your joy, both in this world, and in the one to come, when everything will be restored to the glory You ordained for it.

Thank You for Your answers to my humble request, even if it may not come to pass exactly as I might envision it. I know that Your ways are not necessarily mine, no matter how I might try to make them so. Help me to understand and accept Your plan as You slowly roll the part out for me to see, and let me be grateful at the part You would have me play in it.

I ask this in Your name, and Your Son’s name.


Published by randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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