I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life

Dearest Rachel –

It’s been two months, now. I wonder how many months it will be, or if it will ever happen, when I can see the 23th of the month as something other than “X months since the accident.”

I also wonder if Jan has arranged her schedule to make sure I’m busy on the house with her on the 23rd, so I’m not so consumed by the number. She started working here just last month on February 23rd, and here she is, coming today. I’d better make sure that the stoneware is cleaned off.

Of course, it might just be coincidence.

Good Riddance (Time of Your Life), Green Day, 1997

Today’s also another trip to Splash Dog for Chompers’ water therapy session. When you mentioned you’d bought the 10 visit package the day before you left, I think I recall you wondering if he would make it through for all ten sessions.

Well, this is number nine. Only one more to go. I got him this far, darling, and I’m gonna do my best to make sure he sees the last one, too.

Anyway, I mention it because they were playing this song on their Spotify(?) list last week. Sometimes, the music is nothing more than background noise, and I hardly notice it. Other weeks, they’re playing 80’s classics like Boston’s Amanda (one of our songs – some day I’ll need to explain that one), and I find myself just sitting there on the bench as the girls maneuver him around the pool, tears streaming down my face, look so ridiculous in my mask – which is yet another story I’ll need to cover, probably sooner rather than later.

And then, there are songs like this one. I wasn’t that familiar with it, but I’d heard it before, and had to look it up. It’s by Green Day, from 1997 (so, five years after we got married and locked in our musical preferences already – although, that’s not entirely true, thanks to anime music videos and the like. But who’s gonna make and AMV out of this song?), and it’s called “Good Riddance.”

Yeah, Good Riddance.

Most of popular music is about love, one way or another. The singer is either falling in (and professing their) love, or trying to get out of love/lashing out at someone who’s dumped them. This, judging from the title, is one of the latter.

And yet, he seems to be wishing her well, doesn’t he? “I hope you had the time of your life.” Seems a reasonably nice sentiment… and then you think about it. He’s saying “Yeah, you go your way, and I’ll go mine, but you remember what we had. And when you do, I hope you remember that this was the best time you ever had, and you’re not gonna have it back.”

Not quite as pleasant when you look at it that way.

But on the other hand, with your departure, it gives this song – and really, every song about love in all its many forms and points along its arc – a whole different twist.

Yes, you still went your way, and while it was God rather than time itself that took you by the wrist, and out of our lives, we are separated from each other, and those days will never return. But I really hope that you enjoyed yourself when you were with me.

No, that’s not quite true. I know you enjoyed yourself. I know you had the time of your life.

I just hope you remember…

Published by randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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