Dearest Rachel –
I’m not going to lie, but my recent evening routine would probably shock you, honey. You would stay up until the wee hours of the night, after all, fighting off the sandman as if a mortal enemy. You might nod off in front of a computer while we hung out together in the family room, but once your lassitude was brought to your attention (by means of a gentle nudge that would cause you to bolt upright), you were awake in short order, more determined than ever to stay up and squeeze as much fun out of the evening as you could.
Meanwhile, I took my nodding off as a cue; a sign to retire from the field rather than to fight a losing battle. And while you would give me gentle grief about it, you would at least acknowledge my protestations that I had to get up the next morning to go to work the next morning. The thing was, I was putting in my 8-to-6 (never simply 9-to-5, no ma’am) so that you didn’t have to, and you appreciated that fact. All the same, you could never figure out how I could walk away from an active moment (for a generous value of ‘active,’ especially if even you were able to nod off at the time) for something as pointless as sleep.
At the same time, part of the reason I was doing so was because my rising routine took a fair amount of time. It wasn’t just a matter of waking up and rushing out the door, after all; there was washing up and getting dressed, grabbing a breakfast (usually just cereal and milk, but still) and getting some reading in. Back in the day, I’d also be briefly scouring the web for manga and anime for us to read or watch together later, but that’s gone by the boards for obvious reasons. My collection is still there, but without you to peruse them with me, it’s kind of pointless to have, let alone add to.
But back then, even with my heading off to bed ‘early’ (by your definition, anyway – it was still usually around ten-thirty before I made a point of rising from my chair and making my way to the bedroom), I wasn’t able to wake up organically with enough time to get all that accomplished. The day would still have to start with the “scree-scree-scree” of the alarm clock – a horrible sound for the “opening credits” of my day, but that’s what it took to wake me up back then.
I often found myself worrying that it was enough to wake you, too, but after returning from the shower, I was just as astonished to note that you were still sound asleep after all that racket. You may not have been a big fan of unconsciousness, but once you were there, it was difficult to wrest you from the place – and to be honest, I was often grateful for that fact, despite often forgetting that fact. I always felt like I had to creep around the house like a ninja or a cat burglar, when I probably didn’t really have to.
Anyway, I’ve wandered away from the original topic, but this gives a little background to the fact that I would go to bed so much earlier than you (not that that’s saying a whole lot).
The last couple of days, however, have been a bit extreme in that sense. I will get home from the ‘office,’ and Daniel will join me as we watch this or that in the bedroom (and I will bring in whatever it is we’re having for dinner – last night, for example, we went freezer diving and came up with some empanadas. Some time soon, I really have to get back to that second attempt at Nikkei Beef, but I just couldn’t bring myself to begin on that just yet). At some point, usually between five and six, Logan will come down from his room, having wrapped up his own work day; he’ll prepare his own meal, and start in on watching a few things that Daniel isn’t particularly interested in before Daniel decides to join him for the things they share in common.
At that point, there’s not that much for me to do on my own. I’ll read through my news feed, maybe watch a few videos… but it doesn’t take as long as you’d think before I’m literally tired of the routine, and starting to zone out. The last couple of days, I’ve found myself switching on a black-screen video of ambient noise (generally a rainfall with just a touch of thunder), leaning back in my recliner, and fading into unconsciousness… and all this at around eight or so in the evening. And this without having any need to get up so early this morning to go anywhere or do anything.
Now, to be fair, those same few days have seen me up early in the morning (naturally) and off to the gym to work out. This not only puts me in a routine of waking up, but also means that by the end of the day I’m that much more tired. Granted, it’s not the mental exhaustion that I used to deal with from work, but rather an actual, physical exhaustion instead. But it does wind up having the same effect on me by the end of the day. 
The next thing I know, I’m startled awake by Daniel hovering over me; with Logan off to his room just after nine (because his work day starts at seven, thereby allowing him to put in a 40-hour week in just four days, and having a three-day weekend on the regular), he’s curious as to whether I would be willing to host him for the remainder of the evening. But since he has to wake me up, he basically pronounces the fact that “guess you’re not going to be able” to stay up with him, which is exactly what jolts me back into consciousness.
However, unlike you, I know my limitations; it may be said out of a small amount of disappointment on his part, but it is a statement of fact. I can’t – and won’t – push myself to stay awake if I don’t think I’m able to, especially not in my own bedroom. So I give him a hug goodnight to confirm things, and send him on his way. He has enough to entertain himself on his own, when you come down to it; he’ll be fine.
But it does occur to me that I’d be hard-pressed to keep up with a ‘Megumi’ at this rate, when I can’t even keep up with Daniel. At the same time, there’s the flip side in the morning, where, just like with you, I can get myself put together and out of the house before he’s awake. Not sure how this would compare against her, in particular, since I’ve yet to recognize her (or even know if she exists).
But regardless of it all, I’d appreciate it if you’d continue to keep you eye on the both of us, assuming you can stay awake for the both of us, that is. And whatever well-wishes you can send our way would be nice, too; we’re going to need them.
Letters to Rachel 