Dearest Rachel –
Six-thirty. It’s not exactly early here, but enough that I might be able to amble over to the gym and put in an hour before going through my usual routine of getting myself ready before heading for the ‘office.’ I’ve even got most of the energy I’d need to do just that, and almost enough motivation to do so, as I’m hovering a couple of pounds above my license weight again – although considering that yesterday, it took me over a hundred minutes on the treadmill to get where I am right now, you might be able to see why I’m not as urgent about it today.
Yesterday’s running about, as reassuring (for Mom) and promising (for me) as it might have been, did not leave a lot of time for silence and rest. Even once I got back home to rest for an hour or so before VBS, there was Daniel to hang out with. Not that I mind doing so, by any means, but I realized this morning that I’d fallen behind on some of the more quiet aspects of my normal routine.
To be sure, I would probably do well from backing away from the news bath I soak myself in on the daily. Just as one really doesn’t need to shower every single day in my position – which was your belief for the longest time, unlike myself (granted, I had to get dressed up and go to work, unlike yourself, so that may have been the difference) – so, too, is it not necessary to try to keep oneself informed of everything going on in the world. Even if it could be done, considering how much is happening everywhere at once, it’s not as if there’s anything I can do about any of it. The most I can say about keeping up with things is that I always have something to talk about that I’m up-to-date and well-versed on – except then, I also have opinions on it all, which suddenly takes it all off the table as a conversational gambit. So stepping away from it isn’t going to do me any harm, and it might actually do some good.
On the other hand, I also wound up skipping a day of reading, which doesn’t happen often, but it does so more frequently than it should – certainly more often than my writing to you, I confess. I can’t remember the last time I missed two days in a row, though, and I’ve no intention of letting that happen today, so I really ought to get in my two psalms, two chapters of Proverbs, and six elsewhere (currently in the latter part of Isaiah) in order to make up for yesterday. So that’s another reason to just sit in the stillness of the morning moment. It may not add to my level of conversation any more than the news feed, but depending on what I might run into, it might elevate my behavior in other ways.
Meanwhile, I’m still feeling the need to recover from yesterday. True, I had all kinds of energy and motivation yesterday – a rare occurrence for anybody on a Monday, which demanded to be taken advantage of – but between the distance covered on the treadmill, followed by the running around to one broker and the other (although ironically, Mom’s investment advisor is preparing to retire, and is transitioning some of his clients over to the guy who services Daniel’s and my portfolios, so there won’t be the same kind of running around in the future), and finished off by several hours on my feet at VBS (nothing worse than a typical day in a retail job, I suppose, but not something I’m used to, personally), there’s a lot less of either today; and what’s missing has been filled in with a measure of ache and weariness. Not enough to insist that I stay home, but enough to get my body to claim, “look, we don’t have to do this today,” and my mind to actually agree.
It doesn’t help that today’s meeting is scheduled for ten; were I to hit the gym, especially now that it’s gone on seven o’clock, I might be hard-pressed to get myself cleaned up and over to the ‘office’ by then, let alone having caught up with these other quiet routines I feel like I’ve fallen behind on. Moreover, while there might be an online aspect to this meeting (after all, we’ll be talking with several of the members of the team in Honduras), I might do well to get to church headquarters all the same; it makes a difference to the schedule. I have to confirm all this.
So yeah, this is why I’m starting out slow this morning, even though I could be hitting the ground running just like I was yesterday; not every day needs to be run at full speed – and at this age, I’m not exactly capable of maintaining a pedal-to-the-metal pace day in and day out. Best to stick with the handful of toil and a handful of rest; I can keep myself better balanced this way.
Still, I’d appreciate your eye on me all the same, honey, and whatever will wishes you can send me. I dare say, I’ll still need them.
Letters to Rachel 