Aches and Pains

Dearest Rachel –

I understand that, as we get older, certain parts of the body start to break down, and they become that much more painful to use. Which is a bit of a problem when exercise is the means by which I’m trying to get into shape.

I’ve been noticing – and may have mentioned in passing from time to time – about how my left ankle has been sore, rendering walking more painful than it used to be. Sometimes I can ignore it, and sometimes the pain subsides after powering through it long enough (such as on Tuesday, when I spent a good hour and a half on the gym treadmill, albeit at a much slower rate for the last half-hour), but it never completely goes away anymore. I tend to assume it’s among the aches and pains one develops due to age, like the stiffness I get in my back after sleeping in the wrong position – and yes, I mention this as I’m trying to work out the kinks from a case of that very thing this morning, which is why I broach the subject in the first place.

The thing is, as far as I understand it, there’s little that can feasibly be done about it. Ideally, the thing to do for such aches and pains is to rest the joints and not exert them so much. Maybe apply some kind of analgesic to them, especially something that could alternate between heat and cold in order to soothe the sensation in the afflicted area. But one needs to walk to get from point A to point B – even if it’s only from one room in the house to another (my point being that you can just drive everywhere) – and one needs to lie down to sleep. These affected areas will continue to be affected, because that’s just what happens in life.

Moreover, we’re taught – counterintuitively, but taught nonetheless – “no pain, no gain.” Even as we learn that pain is the body’s way of saying “don’t do that, idiot,” physical trainers will tell you that pain derived from exercise is simply a matter of the body needing to be acclimatized to a greater level of exertion; you’re tearing muscle, yes, but given time, those muscles will be rebuilt, stronger than before. At least, that’s how I understand the philosophy behind the pithy slogan. So, the obvious lesson is to ignore the pain and power through it.

Moreover, it’s not as if it’s debilitating in its severity. It’s been uncomfortable, but until recently, it hasn’t been that hard to power through as necessary. It doesn’t do my motivation any favors, that’s for sure, but on those days when I get on the scale and see a number I don’t like (which happens more often than it used to – although it could be argued that my tolerance for certain numbers has diminished over time, too), what else is there for me to do? Walking is the most effective way to burn off calories, and so it doesn’t matter whether there’s this nagging sensation in my left ankle or a blister on my right pinkie toe. Those things have to be set aside to take care of what’s truly important; getting out there and exercising. Especially when you’ve committed to do so with someone else.

Such was yesterday, upon meeting Lars at Harms Woods. We set off as we normally do, but even before reaching our first landmark, where was cross Glenview Road, he could tell that I was favoring my left foot, leaning hard on my walking stick whenever I stepped with my right foot. I wouldn’t say I was limping, but that’s the word he used for it. Eventually, he had me sit down on a convenient log to check it out.

Much as I didn’t like to, he had me remove both my sock and shoe (although I was glad that I wasn’t wearing my usual hiking boots, as those are a pain to put on and remove; I was wearing ordinary gym shoes, as I was hoping they would be more comfortable to walk in that day. Whether they were or not, I couldn’t say, but clearly, they weren’t comfortable enough for my gait to escape his notice) and check where it was the pain was coming from. It would be one thing if it was a sprain or a muscle tear, after all, and something different if it turned out to be, say, a hairline bone fracture.

As best he could tell, though, it seems to be a tendon issue, running underneath and around the knob that is the ankle joint, and stretching to the upper part of the foot. It’s a better situation than it could be, but he made it clear that it should be rested more often. He suggested that we cut our walk short, but I talked him into letting us walk at least as far as Waukegan Road, if not going all the way up to Willow. After all, this exercise was how I kept my weight managed, I told him (as if he didn’t know).

“Exercise shouldn’t be a punishment,” he said, which I found almost funny. What else is it, may I ask? He told me that I should start managing my weight more on the consumption side, limited what I eat more than forcing myself to work out when it’s hurting. The problem is, eating is the one pleasure I have in life – I punish myself with exercise so that I can eat. And I’ve already been cutting down on the worst of it – fried foods and junk snacks – already; there’s only so much more I can cut out. There’s another pleasure of life that’s less calorie-dense – indeed, it burns calories – but with your departure, that’s not exactly available to me anymore. So I have food, and I need to offset it with this, aches and pains regardless. I’ll deal with the pain, as long as I can enjoy myself elsewhere and elsewhen.

I guess I’ll just have to walk less often, and keep an eye on the scale in the meantime.

For now, though, I’d appreciate it if you could keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. As you can probably tell by now, I’m going to need it.