Dearest Rachel –
I’m telling you, honey, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m a numbers person (like you were), I think I would have given up on this weight loss journey some time ago. Not only have things tapered off in terms of actual weight loss over the past year and a half – settling into a range that centers just above a hundred kilos or so – but there’s been no real progress when it comes to attracting attention to this resculpted form. Oh, there are still the occasional comments about how I’ve lost weight, from those that haven’t seen me in a while, but by and large, I look much the same as I have for the last twenty months or so at this point. It’s not exactly turning heads, and particularly the heads I’d like to see turn.
It’s even a bit frustrating as a numbers person, since I keep track of my weight first thing in the morning, and after various activities that could be expected to allow me to shed (however momentarily) a pound or two. It’s gratifying to see the momentary results, sure, but my body is so accustomed to two meals a day and a regular exercise regimen that when I do any less, the next morning registers a noticeable (if not catastrophic) setback. It’s all going at a glacial pace these days; two steps forward, one step back, another step forward, and two steps back, none of which is pleasant to record.
On the other hand, if it wasn’t being written down, I wouldn’t realize that I was sliding backwards so quickly, and would never get around to making a course correction to mitigate against it. Not that those corrective activities are any fun, but it does keep things on an relatively even keel, preventing me from throwing away all the hard work already put into this effort. But that’s really about the extent of it; it’s more like maintenance than progress, at the moment, and with none of the desired result (which is to say, finding Megumi). But it does keep me honest and disciplined.
In addition to that, I’ve been working with the various chatbots to determine how to calculate certain factors of any exercise, given all the factors such as initial weight, incline, distance covered and time (those last two calculating average speed, and whether I’m walking or running). These days, I no longer have to ask them about how far I’m climbing or how many calories I’ve burned, since I’ve plugged all those formulae into a spreadsheet. And while I’m not necessarily trying to beat my time from day to day every day, I can at least keep track of what I’ve been able to do on a given day.
Although… I have been able to ratchet up certain factors over time. Speed, in particular. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that it’s nowhere near the incline I can get on the ones at the gym, but the home treadmill allows me to start at five miles an hour, and work my way up well past six – all while generally keeping what would look like a walking pace, as opposed to a running one. I doubt I could keep it up for hours on end, but it’s actually surprising to wrap up a five-mile exercise in less than fifty minutes. There are times when I wonder if the machine isn’t overstating my speed and distance, but I’m not about to complain.
Then again, that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any complaints about it all. Just the other day, I was slowly increasing my speed every five minutes or so, until I’d gotten it to the point where I was supposedly striding at a brisk seven miles an hour. At this point, I decided I wasn’t going to crank the speed up any further, and just wanted to see if I could make it for the last twenty minutes of my scheduled workout at that pace – and if I could reach the five mile mark before forty-five minutes had passed. Unfortunately, just before it reached forty minutes (and after having been walking at that speed for some fifteen or twenty minutes), the machine simply shut off, as did the space heater beside me; I’d once again short-circuited the room, and tripped the breaker. Why then, after so long at that pace, I’ll never know.
It looks like I’ll have to stick to no more than 6.5 mph from here on out, and see if I can just travel that much longer and farther going forward. Good thing I’m into recording that kind of data, and willing to push myself to see if I can feasibly chase those larger numbers.
To that end, I’ll have to ask you to – as always – keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 