Dearest Rachel –
It’s been a little over a year now – more like thirteen or fourteen months, in fact – since I managed to drop myself down below two hundred and twenty pounds, seemingly never to rise from it again. Why, barely a month after crossing that line, I was coming dangerously close (in more ways than one) to reaching my next target of two hundred five, although for some reason I could never actually break through after that initial, dizzying approach. Regardless of the fact that my progress had stalled, I was convinced that I had at least reached a permanent plateau, far below where I was when you left me.
It may have been a plateau, honey, but it certainly wasn’t permanent by any measure. While I don’t think I’ve let up on my exercise regimen, for the most part – on the contrary, these days I’m regularly able to cover five miles in just over an hour, a pace that would have been almost unheard of for me a year ago – I’ve been more than a bit lax in terms of portion control. Three weeks (at various times throughout the year) aboard one cruise ship or another doesn’t help in that regard, and I haven’t been putting myself through fast days like I used to, either.
As a result, rather than dancing on either side of, say, two-ten or two-fifteen, I’m stuck these days battling around the two-twenty line. I can work out and get myself below the line – sometimes even by a considerable margin (although never by more than a few pounds; five or more would keep me down, but I can never quite drop so many at a time) – but after a decent evening meal (and yesterday, being a Thursday and us being at the folks’ house, you can bet that it was), it’s guaranteed that by morning, I’m back over the line again, sometimes even by an equally substantial amount as I’d gotten myself below the day before. I hardly need to tell you that it’s frustrating.
On the other hand, there may be another side to the situation. I’ve told you about my weight training exercises, which I use as a warm-up before getting on the treadmill (assuming the machines aren’t otherwise occupied). While I can’t increase the load on the ab machine (all I can do is to increase the number of repetitions, which I’m not always in the mood to do), I’ve actually gotten to the point where I can do reps – although not nearly as many – on the pec fly using the same amount of weight (at present, 190 pounds. Not all that impressive, seeing as it’s still some ways below my current weight, but considering where I’ve come from, I’m still somewhat pleased with the progress).
I mention this, not so much to pat myself on the back, or to deflect from the retreat from my low-water mark (although I’ll not deny that there is a little of both of them in here all the same), but to suggest that it might have something to do with my current situation. I’ve had people comment that I look like I’ve lost weight during the past year, despite having done nothing of the sort. However, it’s possible that, by building up some muscle mass, I might be rearranging where my weight is, thereby creating the illusion of having lost weight, especially to someone who hasn’t seen me for a while. Moreover, muscle mass is heavier than fat, so if I’m building up the one at the expense of the other, I might be paradoxically increasing my overall weight. At the same time, there’s a question of whether the fat is being expended in order to create muscle, as I’ve certainly still got plenty of it in all the usual places.
But that may just be a lie I tell myself in order to keep from being discouraged. Meanwhile, I’ve got more than enough discouragement as it is in that I can’t seem to attract Megumi’s attention for my efforts. Then again, I may not be paying sufficient notice to her, either – or maybe, I just don’t recognize her in the crowd to approach her myself.
For now, though, I’m not so much looking for her in this particular pursuit as I am trying to get back to where I once was. It’s clearly not a matter of not exercising sufficiently at this point; while that is generating a certain form of result, it’s not exactly what I’m looking for at the moment. I think I’ve going to have to make a point of going for a fast day at some point in the near future, but it may be challenging, what with the upcoming festivities throughout the next couple of days and months.
In which case, I’d ask you as usual to keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck, as I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 