Cruel Silence

Dearest Rachel –

There are times when I imagine you, like my paternal grandfather before you (who you never met, although I think you met my grandmother), either filling in for Saint Peter or standing alongside him at his post, welcoming the new arrivals as they appear at the gates each constructed of individual pearls. If so, you may have noticed a crowd of young girls with a Texan accent showing up recently – although considering how many people pass away on a regular basis throughout the world (and how dishearteningly many of them are young – younger than you, in both body and soul, for all your efforts), they may have escaped your notice as a particular anomaly.

But they were there, reminders of the fact that, for all we as humanity have tried to tame nature, there is only so much we can do. Moreover, in our confidence that we have tamed it, we put ourselves too close to places where, should nature get just a little out of hand, we could easily suffer dearly for it. We build cities in the path of tornadoes, refuse to store water in areas prone to both drought and wildfire… and in this case, set up camp beside a river that tends to flood – and suddenly – every now and then.

In fairness, what happened in Texas, as far as I can tell, was a literal perfect storm. The remnants of a tropical storm from the Pacific stalled out over the center of the state, and it just kept raining in that one place. It didn’t take long for the nearly dry riverbeds to start to overflow, and while there was warning about it, followed by evacuation orders, who’s listening to those in the wee hours of the morning? Never mind that, in a camping environment, the kids probably have their phones taken from them for the duration, lest they miss out on the majesties of nature with their constant scrolling through their feeds. The word may have gone out, but if no one is there to hear – or if, thanks to the experience of multiple false alarms in the past, it’s tuned out – was it actually made, or was it just like the proverbial tree in the forest?

Regardless of whether the warning was made or just received too late, the storm claimed its victims. There are always events like these across the world; people lose their lives, while their families lose loved ones. For all the effort I’ve put into keeping in touch with you, I know my experience is hardly unusual. Indeed, since we will all cross over to your side of the Jordan at some point, it’s closer to being universal than unique. We will all die someday, and we will all lost friends and family to death; I’ve no reason to bemoan my situation, when it’s something that happens to everyone.

But there are times when it doesn’t seem like it ought to happen so soon. Each of these lives could have had so much more in them, had they been allowed to reach their natural span. What they could have seen and done, what they could have accomplished; it’s as if the world was robbed of a host of possibilities that were inherent in each of these girls, little older than the kids we see in our Monday night Sparks club at church. One can’t help but be dissatisfied by any assertion that “it was their time” to go and be with God and Jesus (and you, as a side note). At the risk of invoking an old cliché, it just doesn’t seem fair; never mind that, as the grandfather retorted as he read The Princess Bride to his grandson, “Well, who said life was fair? Where is that written?”

Still, it’s in our nature to look for answers; we’re too used to stories where everything ties out to everything else, and it all happens for a reason. We’re also assured that the Author of this world knows everything about everything going on, and if anyone could tie everything together, it would be Him. So we, like Job, demand to understand where the story is supposed to be going – even for stories that we have no connection to, other than being made aware of them. And, as with Job, the Lord is silent, leaving us to make all manner of conjectures (most of them incorrect).

I’m sure it’s harsh of me to claim that His silence is cruel (and some day, He’s likely to call me on the carpet and give me a similar tongue-lashing as He did to Job – and more to the point, his friends – for making such assertions), but He knows what we’re like, better than we do ourselves. He knows how stupid we are, and how we jump to conclusions. Wouldn’t it make sense for Him to explain things every so often, so we don’t run off half-cocked with our own wrong conclusions? But He lets us draw our own, and run with them, until we’re so far away from Him and don’t even realize it.

It’s not a new phenomenon, either. The book of Judges repeats over and over about how “in those days Israel did not have a king; all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes,” and this was obviously considered a Bad Thing. Yet when the children of Israel told Samuel, the last judge, that they wanted a king, he considered that to be a Bad Thing as well – and the Lord agreed, reassuring his servant that “they have not rejected you,” never mind that his sons, like those of his former boss, Eli, were utter scoundrels, “they have rejected Me.” So both situations – that of having a king, and not having a king – were Bad Things. To be sure, they were supposed to be following the Lord Himself, but clearly they didn’t know how to do that – even several of the judges (Samson comes to mind, but he wasn’t alone in his failures) did a poor job of following God properly – you would think they would benefit from a more direct Hand in their leadership, as would we. So why did He keep so silent?

Meanwhile, I could go on and tell you about the reasons that some have come up with about the “why”s of this current tragedy. Social media has proven as toxic as ever, with some hot takes claiming that parents deserved to lose their girls because of Who they believed in, or who they voted for, or what color their skin was (and is, depending on if they’re referring to the victim or their surviving family). It’s abhorrent and appalling, and yet, when called out for their vile opinion, those venturing such either just laugh off the responses (“Wow, how triggered you all are!”) or complain that “it’s a free country” and they can say what they like (which is true, but conversely, it’s also true that the reaction is a form of free expression as well). I can’t help but wish for the clouds to part, and the Lord Himself to shut down His squabbling children with a well-placed word or two.

Now, I realize that you’d remind me that we have more than a well-placed word from Him already, in the form of His Word. And for the most part, I’d agree that it’s sufficient, if one can understand and apply it properly. But again, He knows what fools we are; would He not realize that wouldn’t be sufficient? Besides, it’s not as if his enemy (and those who follow him, however unwittingly and unbelievingly) can read and apply it to suit his purposes…

…and they can be quite persuasive, while the Lord seemingly does nothing to stop them. And while I realize He wants people to make their own choices, so these folks are free to have all the contempt for Him that they choose to, the fact that they can persuade others from the path that may mean perfectly well, while the heavens stay silent, well… that seems worse than being washed away with a millstone around your neck, doesn’t it?

It’s frustrating to know that you have all of the answers on your side of the veil, being in the presence of the One who knows everything, and yet that wisdom and understanding can’t be brought across to this side, where it would be needed before it’s too late. Still, I can at least ask that you keep an eye on me, and wish me luck for the meantime. I’m certainly still going to need it.