Hate to Disappoint

Dearest Rachel –

As happens every week these days, I’m meeting up with Lars to walk for a couple of hours (granted, due to the combination of the recent heat wave and the current threat of rain, we’ll be doing so for the second straight week at the mall over in Rosemont, rather than the forest preserve closer to him). Normally, these days would mean that I’d take it easy during the morning; after all, exercise is rather the (main) point of our doing this in the first place. Why clean up in order to take a bath, as it were? However, this morning has me wondering if I shouldn’t just get out there and get some real exercise in beforehand.

You see, as part of my morning routine, one of the first things I do (after stumbling out of bed for the master bathroom) is to weigh myself. It’s all part of this plan to keep myself engaged in the weight loss process, since I’ve been encouraged to keep track of those numbers by Lars, in particular. He (and I, for that matter) just didn’t realize at the time how well I would take that suggestion to heart; these days, I’ll weigh myself multiple times a day, since pre- and post-bathroom visits make a difference (“a pint’s a pound the world around,” as you used to quote to me, albeit for different reasons), let alone pre- and post-workout readings. That latter difference is also what continues to compel me to the gym these days, too; I may not like ‘having’ to go there and do what I do there, but I can’t argue with the results, however temporary they may be.

And at the moment, I find myself rather in need of some results, as I’m yet again tipping the scales above the dreaded two-fifteen line first thing in the morning. Not so much as I was yesterday, to be sure, but I happen to know that Lars is going to ask me what my latest reading was, and I hate to disappoint him with a number that’s noticeably worse than last week – and any number above that red line would be noticeable. A half pound, even a full pound, could be written off as a rounding error, but once the line is crossed, well… that has to be prevented at all costs.

So, with daylight seeping into the bedroom even at the ridiculous hour of five o’clock, I find myself concluding that I’d be better off going all-in on getting up and heading to the gym, rather than returning to bed and running the risk of blinking the next hour or two out of existence. If I hurry, I might even be able to make it to the ‘office’ at a reasonable hour (rather than showing up just before noon, like I did yesterday – which, in any event, would be long after I’m supposed to be in Rosemont), and put in some ‘work’ before heading out to meet Lars today.

At the same time, I realize that, by putting in a pre-walk workout like this, as opposed to just going to the mall and meeting up with him as I am, I’m putting my thumb on the scale – or would that be putting it underneath the scale, so as to make it give a lower reading than it might otherwise? Sure, it would be an actual reading I’d be reporting on; it’s not as if I’d be faking the number. But since I don’t usually hit the gym and sweat off a couple of pounds beforehand, it wouldn’t be a proper, apples-to-apples comparison to the number I gave him last week (whatever it may have been; I honestly can’t remember). I really should be owning up to the fact that I’m waking up heavier than I was back then.

Then again, if I put in the effort today, why shouldn’t it get the recognition it deserves? So it’s more than I did last week, or even most weeks; it’s still something actually done, and if it gets results, why not acknowledge it? Besides, I really feel the need to get the weigh-in down below that two-fifteen line before he asks me about my situation. If I have to ‘cheat’ by doing more work toward that end, is it really ‘cheating’?

Anyway, now that I’ve put in my time and effort, and I’m back under that all-important line, I’d best get on with the rest of the day. As always, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck; I’m going to need it.