Dearest Rachel –
Ever since I determined that ‘Megumi’ (assuming, as always, that she exists) wouldn’t be interested in a 275-pound dad bod, I’ve been finally getting around to doing more things that would cause (or at least encourage) me to lose weight; particularly the basics of eating less (and/or healthier) and exercising. It hasn’t been a consistent road, to be sure, but I like to think I’ve made a significant amount of progress – although now that I have, I wish you could have seen it (although, given how you were so accepting of me as I was – as I was of you and your habits I might have wanted to change – I don’t know if you would have ever gotten to see this change. But that’s a separate topic of discussion, I’d say)
For all that it’s been a slow slog, one of the ways I can prove my assertion regarding progress is in the fact that I’ve been keeping track of my weight whenever possible. This was Lars’ idea for me to encourage myself, and given that I’m so data-driven by nature (as much as I’d prefer not to be recognized as an accountant, there’s so much of that nature that’s just a part of me now), it was probably the single most brilliant suggestion to keep me on this path. Even when I despair of ‘Megumi’s existence, there are still these numbers to watch as they continue to trend downward – although less so now than during the first year or so, as I’ve made most of the dramatic lifestyle changes at this point, and can only maintain what I’ve already started. Then again, I’ve also been noticing certain increases in what I can push and pull around on various weight machines, so there’s something to pay attention to, as well, but that’s a sidebar to the process as a whole.
I’ve told you about the chart as it’s come together – although, now that I think about it, it’s been a while since I’ve shown it to you in its updated state…
You’ll notice that the readings are a lot closer together these days. That’s not just because it covers a longer period of time, thereby compressing a lot more time into the same physical distance (although there is that, too); there’s also the fact that I’m recording readings on not just a daily basis, but multiple times a day. I check myself first thing in the morning (or at least, when I commit to waking up in the morning; if it’s two or three a.m., I’m not turning on the light to check my weight, thereby making it infinitely more difficult to return to sleep), and again after using the washroom. Then there’s another reading after getting back from the gym, and again after washing up and ridding myself of as much as a pint of sweat from my body. And it’s amazing to watch how the numbers bounce from one reading to the next, as I go through my morning routine.
And yes, these reading are taken almost exclusively during the morning, before I ever start in on something like breakfast, which essentially kills my progress for the day. One of the things my sister Jenn (who is also working on dropping a few pounds) told me about keeping track of my weight Is to never weigh yourself in the evening. You may have done your workout late in the day, but you’ve had your usual number of meals and sat in front of the computer (both for work and for entertainment) for enough of the day so that any progress is offset by these other factors. And for the most part I hew to this dictum.
But yesterday I couldn’t help myself from my own curiosity. I’d gone through my morning routine, and gotten myself down to 211.5 pounds, but after coming home from the ‘office’ and putting together an early dinner of a baked ham and cheese sandwich, I set myself upon some of the snacks that were left over from our trip to the island. Daniel and I had bought a fair quantity of both salty and sweet snacks beforehand to keep the four of us satisfied for the week; and now we’re stuck with these temptations. Daniel can handle them, given that he’s as scrawny as he is, but once I get started on the dried tangerines and the dark chocolate covered açai berries, it’s hard for me to stop. I’m pretty sure I had more than I should have, so, by the end of the night, I was curious as to how much I’d put back on from eating so many.
To be honest, I have been checking my weight just before bed on a regular basis; I just haven’t stepped that second time on the scale in order to confirm the reading, and thereby require myself to add it to my tally and the chart. For the last week or so, that pre-bedtime weight has actually crossed the two-fifteen line on a regular basis, so I wasn’t going to be surprised if it did so last night.
What I wasn’t prepared for was to see that it very nearly touched the two-twenty line; a place I haven’t been to in months. Obviously, I didn’t bother to get back on the scale and confirm that reading, any more than any other evening. But this morning’s first reading wasn’t exactly promising, either, at 217.5. To be sure, after an hour of being up and about – and all that entailed – I’d dropped another couple of pounds, to bring me to a much more reasonable 215.5. It was still over the two-fifteen line, but considerably more manageable, especially since I was still yet to hit the gym for the morning.
From there, to be honest, the morning progressed as any other one would, with a few reps on a couple of weight machines, followed by a little over an hour on the treadmill at a fifteen degree uphill incline. It’s enough to burn off somewhere between fourteen hundred and fifteen hundred calories; approximately half a pound. But, of course, it also leaves me sweating out a fair amount of water weight; and that’s why my overall numbers regularly fall so fast and so far in the first place. Today was no exception, dropping me down another three pounds, with an additional one being rinsed away with my shower. As a result, in the span of just under twenty-four hours, I had gone from 211.5 all the way up to 219.0 and back.
There’s something mildly disconcerting about how quickly things like this change when you’re paying attention to them like this; any assertion that one weighs a certain amount can shift dramatically in the course of a single day. At the same time, it also serves to encourage one to stick to a certain exercise regime (because it gets results), and as long as one hews to a certain routine, the day-to-day readings can stay fairly stable, if that’s what one is aiming for. To be sure, I’m still trying to drop more, but there are so many tasty things out there, I consider myself fortunate to just keep it at a stable level like this.
Anyway, I thought you might be interesting in hearing about this struggle, and a particular day like this past one that illustrates it pretty well in itself. For now, though, all I can do is to ask you to keep an eye on me, and wish me luck, as I clearly still need it.
Letters to Rachel 