(A Lack of) Holiday Weekend Plans

Dearest Rachel –

It used to be so simple when it came to certain holiday weekends – or really, any weekend in general, but let’s set that aside for now. We had things that we did on a regular – whether annual or weekly – basis, and didn’t really have to give much thought to it beyond that. Memorial Day in particular, while eventful (involving a road trip down to suburban Nashville, which can be a bit of an ordeal after yet another hard day at work), eventually got to the point of being something of an annual tradition, not requiring much thought either for the trip itself or the time spent at Kevin’s home (which we only ventured out of for the occasional shipping trip or dinner, along with Sunday church services). We even continued the tradition after you were gone for a couple of years.

Now, of course, there’s no call for such a trip, just as there’s no reason to visit the island without you. The old friend that called the place home has another home now, one where you can visit more easily than we can. I’m sure you know what I mean by that; knowing you, you probably greeted him at the gates and gave him the grand tour of the place when he arrived, even as his arrival may have been more than a surprise to you and everyone else but the One Who set it all up in the first place.

Having said all that, it seems a bit churlish to complain about how his passing throws a wrench into our plans for the holiday. It’s not as if I can’t occupy myself of a three-day weekend – if nothing else, I can avail myself of the usual weekend commitments, so others who work the booth can take vacations that are much more needed (since for me, every day can be a weekend if I want it to be; not everyone has that option).

And speaking of options, it’s not like there aren’t things I can do – both on my own and with others – over the holiday, outside of this commitment. There’s some talk about the gang getting together, for instance (albeit not completely, since there’s no way everyone’s schedule lines up, especially over an extended weekend that affords the possibility of travel) at Ellen’s sister’s place at some point, which sounds like fun after a fashion, especially to those of us of the firebug persuasion – which would have included you, if you were available to join us. But as of the time I’m writing this letter, I’ve not heard any specifics regarding date and time, which, given my assignment at church, might come into conflict with this possibility.

Then again, there’s the thought of whether I should make an effort to connect with Lee at all this weekend, especially after her (rather impulsive, in my estimation – visiting a convention requires planning; you don’t just wake up Sunday morning and decide to show up all of a sudden) appearance last week. We’ve also been conversing a bit more than just the usual greeting, with her dropping a few more details about herself – where she lives, and where she used to live (including the fact that she’s not native to the U.S., but I could guess that from her accent – not to mention the occasional grammatical slip-up). Turns out, she’s not from the town her profile lists her as – although that’s where she and her late husband lived when they first moved to the States – but rather, a bit even further south, in the next county down. It’s still part of ‘Chicagoland’ and the ‘collar counties,’ but it highlights the distance question in the relationship yet again, a fact that she seems to be aware of, having successfully attempted to dissuade me from driving down to meet her some Fridays past, based on her own distaste for dealing with rush-hour traffic.

She may try to dissuade me yet again this time, as she and her son do still have a tradition they adhere to, joining in on their town’s festivities for the holiday. At the same time, I feel like I ought to at least suggest the possibility, even as I’m beginning to wonder about whether this is a path worth bothering with – and, if it’s not, how I might extricate myself from it. There’s no real red flags about her (her nationality aside, and that only on the most literal basis), but something is beginning to feel… let’s just say, less than optimal.

Then again, the whole situation I’m in is “less than optimal,” so what does that really mean, when you come down to it?

In any case, while there are a few options regarding things I might and must do this weekend, it’s nowhere near the way it used to be, and that elimination of of old plans and customs still sticks sadly in my craw. I can’t what we used to, honey, and it bothers me. What’s more, rather than being the escape that most people see it as, the holiday weekend simply serves to drive the point home. If I had some definite plans to look forward to, I might be preoccupied enough that I wouldn’t be thinking about this fact; as it is, my lack of plans focus my attention that much more on the situation.

So, if there was a way you could divert my attention, that would be appreciated. But if not, it would be enough if you would just keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m certainly going to need it.