Dearest Rachel –
Yesterday really had me going through my news feed rather than trying to finish a topic that I couldn’t resolve in that moment. In the process, though, I ran across a tweet – okay, a retweet of a retweet – that really made me stop and think about what I would do in this situation:
Now, the original meme was supposed to make you think about what you would do if you, as the one contemplating the question, suddenly found yourself back in the days before the internet; what would you do without all that information pouring at you at fire hose speed? You could take life so much slower and more relaxed… at least, that’s the theory.
The irony is that, for the two of us, the question wouldn’t take us back far enough. You and I were already hooked up to the internet at least a year before this, and already getting some news (mostly entertainment) from there, if only at the slow rate of speed that was dial-up. I still remember the chat rooms on AOL; one in particular involving a guy calling himself CRISPYONE (yes, in all caps, too) who claimed that the end of the world was upon us before the year (1994) was out. He was wrong, of course, and I don’t recall ever hearing from him after that – although we heard so many tales of how the world was supposed to end between then and now, which rather puts paid to the idea that life was slower and more relaxed back then. Moreover, considering I’ve been retired for nearly six years, the idea of waking up to another quarter-century of wage slavery before I can get back here doesn’t exactly fill me with joy.
On the other hand, waking up next to you again would more than make up for it. Indeed, I’m not sure you’d be able to breathe from the bear hug I’d likely give you the moment I realized where I was – and that you were beside me.
But I can’t help wondering what I would do in such circumstances; what would, and could, I do differently upon waking up in the condo thirty years ago? Other than trying to remember my routine from back then (and yeah, I figure I’d have to head back to the office – the old one, before they moved further out into the western suburbs), how would I deal with the situation?
I promise you this, though, honey; I’d make sure to tell you everything, or at least everything I could remember. Obviously, this last decade would be considerably fresher in my mind than the moment I would suddenly find myself living in, so I’d have a lot more trouble with what would be the immediate future (which to me would be the distant past) than some things that would occur years on. I’m not sure how much of it you would be able to believe, though, and I can’t think of a thing I could tell you that would prove I knew what I knew until some time in – historical moments like Princess Di’s death and 9/11 would be years to come yet.
Of course, there’s also the question of whether you’d want to hear about what happened next. You were never much for “spoilers” in your life, although that tended to manifest itself more in regard to the things you watched for entertainment – then again, it’s not like anyone knows and proclaims the future with any measure of reliability. And it’s not like I’d remember any of the lottery numbers from way back then to allow us to live the millionaire’s life that much sooner. Although, maybe I could make wagers on certain historical events, and come out ahead by going in big on them – given that whatever I might be able do wouldn’t affect them from happening, I might as well gain some benefit from them, as part of the effort to prove to you that I know certain parts of the future.
On the other hand, like the original poster here, I might at least get a hand in on things like Apple stock. Sure, we wouldn’t have our first real windfall until your Corn Products stock got bought out by Unilever in mid-2000 – at which point, I’d have to make sure we didn’t put our money in WorldCom, like we did back then, but rather into, say, Amazon – but there would be a few names along the way that I’d be keeping my eye out for as soon as they came onto the market. I wouldn’t let myself be talked out of Google when I first heard about it, either, and I’d probably be keeping an eye out for companies like Netflix and Tesla. And yeah, I’d probably even grab a few bitcoin back when it took a few just to buy a slice of pizza; I’d probably cash out once it got up to 50K, though.
I think I might find myself adopting certain new tech sooner than we did in this timeline – within limits, of course; there’d be no spending exorbitant amounts of money on the latest iPod or iPhone (unless some of those newly-made investments were already starting to pay off). But we wouldn’t need to have our arms twisted in regard to getting a cell phone like happened in our timeline.
Still, it’s so long ago that I can’t remember what we had to work with back then, sweetheart. Sure, we were having to live on a budget, but things weren’t like I’d had to deal with during high school and college, when my dad was getting started in his business. I’ve been through tighter times; it’s just been a while. I know I’ve gotten used to a certain lifestyle that wouldn’t be available to us for a long time yet.
Then again, we would be young (and alive!) again, and presumably with the energy that came with that kind of relative youth. From all that I can tell from going through your old notes and other papers, you saw me as an attentive husband in those days, but I’d like to think that I’d try to do that much better. Certainly, after four and a half years of nothing, I have to warn you that it might be a bit much to deal with at first, so I might take a little getting used to even as I tried to reacclimatize myself to life in the mid-nineties once again. Then again, such adjustments might be exactly what it would take to convince you that I’d been, done and seen things beyond what you’d been able to experience – and that it might all have happened in your future.
One thing I’d probably make a point of checking would be whether Daniel had made the trip with me. It’s one thing to be sent to one’s relative youth; it’s something else entirely to wind up back in what amounts to one’s infancy. Will he have come with me back in time? Will he know, like myself, what we’ve got to look forward to (both good and bad)? Will he be able to express these facts, if he has? I have to tell you, I wasn’t always there for him the first time around, but if we both have thirty years of life behind us – and we share that secret between us – that would make for a father-son dynamic that would be hard to predict. It also might aid him in dealing with school, his learning issues notwithstanding; how better to outperform your peers when you have the years of study already packed away in your head? Really, the challenge for him might be in trying to conceal what he knows (although if he couldn’t, it might simply contribute that much more to his diagnosis, as he’d definitely come across as one of the ‘little professor’ types common to it).
And then, there are the other interpersonal issues. Knowing what I would know about what was to come (and only having a limited amount of power to stop, modify or benefit from it), would I try to move us away from certain people, and toward others? Would I be able to explain myself, if I were to try? I doubt I could, to either question, and if you objected to what attempts I might make, I know I’d have to step back. There are, after all, people who I thought should be given up on in this timeline that you refused to do so. And again, this goes double for Daniel. In our timeline, he didn’t seem to figure out how to make friends and deal with people until college; this time around, he might better know how and who to make friends with – and with the mind of someone three times his apparent age at fifteen, he might demonstrate a maturity and wisdom his fellow high schoolers could only dream of. Then again, it might also give him a demeanor that would slip into the uncanny valley for his peers…
As for his childhood, I’d be curious as to whether he’d go through the same obsessions with dinosaurs, Harry Potter and Legos that he did during his first time around. If nothing else, he’d have to wait for things like Twitter and YouTube to come back into existence, knowing that they’ll be coming eventually, but being short on the patience to wait for their arrival. Although, maybe I’m just imposing the impatience I would have for them on him.
But while I’m having to wait, I can bet that I’d be taking a lot more pictures of you. More recordings, too – both on video and audio. You might wonder why I’m doing it, too; I’d want to tell you, but depending on your attitude toward those “spoilers” I mentioned, maybe you wouldn’t want to hear about it. On the other hand, I think I’d be a little more forceful about calling it a day as the sun started to go down that Saturday in January 2021 – at which point, so much of what I know to have happened will begin to radically change.
And that’s another thing; what will this new younger version of me be like? Will I be watching my diet and exercise like I am now? The gym I walk to won’t be there for fifteen years – and it’s not like I could walk there very easily from the condo. Of course, the offer from your folks to assist us in buying the house will still happen, but will it go easier and faster if I ‘know’ where we’ll end up (and will it still be as good a deal as we got, since the house had been on the market for some six months at the time we were looking at it)? What will change, given what I (and Daniel) know about the years to come? Would our knowledge make our decisions that much easier, or will they simply muddy the waters (since there are things we’ll want to get on with, and others that we’ll be able to see coming)? So much to consider…
…and all of it moot, since it’s all purely hypothetical. We can’t go back into our past, no matter how much we might want to – not even to tell you what we know, and see what your reaction to it all might be. It’s fun to imagine, wistfully, about the ‘might-have-beens,’ but in the end, we’re stuck with what we have… which doesn’t include 39¢ tacos from the Bell, no matter how attractive a plan that might sound to us (or not – we don’t go there much anymore, that having really been more to your liking). We have to live with the stuff – and the prices – that are part of our world and time, in the here and now.
And with that being said, I’d appreciate it if you could keep an eye on us today, honey, and wish us luck; we’re going to need it, as always.
Letters to Rachel 