Any Topic But This

Dearest Rachel –

Another day, another morning where I’d just as soon stay in bed. It’s gray and dreary out, despite the extra light provided at this hour by moving the clocks back in the wee hours of yesterday, and while it’s not exactly cold out – in fact, this is as warm as it’s going to be for the foreseeable future, perish the thought – it’s not a pleasant situation in which to leave the house, especially given that it’s trying its best to keep raining. In fairness, it may also be exacerbated by the fact that the new space heater I’ve set up on my side of the bedroom works just a little too well; it’s so comfortable in here, especially when I get up to use the washroom and discover how much chillier the rest of the house is.

But the contour sheets have once again peeled themselves off of every corner of the bed; if I stay in here any longer, I’m going to be cocooned within it, with no hope of turning into some sort of butterfly kaiju. So I really have to get up.

I also find myself needing to head out to the gym, more out of a force of habit than any real need to burn calories off as such. Yes, I’m still starting the day off with a reading above my current two-ten ideal, but not by all that much. I could easily shrug off the workout by pointing out the picture window at the falling rain. But then, if I do that now, how am I going to bring myself to keep going as the temperatures continue to fall for the next few months? This is nothing compared to winter in Chicago; to show weakness now would simply encourage further weakness in future. And as much as I would prefer to rest – especially since the results I’m getting, while noticeable, aren’t getting me any closer to my real goal I had for all this – I need to continue to exercise (if you’ll pardon the expression) a measure of discipline in my life. Granted, I don’t know why, exactly – I understand that discomfort geared toward discipline can improve one’s health (both physical and mental) and longevity, but if it’s not for anyone, what’s the point? Why live that much longer (even if it is healthier) alone? Still, I’m on the path, and I can’t let myself get off it so easily; maybe it’s a matter of sunk costs.

One thing that I’m not looking forward to at the gym, however, is the bombardment of political ads and coverage on the screens in front of me as I trudge my trudge on the treadmill. And you can probably guess that this is where the title of this letter is coming from; this is the day when it all comes to a head, so it’s the topic of discussion for today, but in reality, I’d rather be talking about any topic but this.

You’d probably be giving me the side-eye at this assertion honey; compared to you, I was (and still am) something of a political junkie. I read news websites on a regular basis, and keep up with what’s going on. For me to claim that I don’t want to talk about it would likely seem disingenuous to you. But while we used to discuss the topic between us rather frequently, it’s not a topic that’s suitable for a format such as this, where anyone could read over your shoulder. There is enough going on in my life that could apply to anyone without messing with a subject that is guaranteed to upset (to put it mildly) half of those readers by default.

Besides, I don’t consider myself to be terribly optimistic about what’s going to happen today… or tonight… or whenever the counting finally ends (presumably when the apparatus manages to dredge up enough ballots to drag its preferred candidates across the line). I’ve lived in Cook County long enough to know that the process isn’t trustworthy – I still have no proof that you’ve been removed from the voter rolls – and while I haven’t dealt with any overt chicanery like that personally, I attribute that more to the fact that Illinois is soundly buttoned down for one side; why pull shenanigans when the outcome isn’t even remotely in doubt?

Daniel tells me that I lack faith, and he’s right. Despite everything that I said yesterday about choice being an illusion, and while God has claimed that He can direct a rulers’ mind like a team of engineers can build a canal, I believe that He generally allows us to make our own choices (otherwise, I have to believe He leads us to sin and walk away from Him, which I cannot accept). And frankly, I have no faith in humanity, when it comes to making the right choice. Hey, I know how often I choose pleasant things for the immediate now without considering the long-term consequences; at the risk of projecting my attitude on others, I’m certain that this outlook is more common than not. So, given an entire nation of folks voting for their short-term self-interest, who wouldn’t be pessimistic about the outcome?

It doesn’t help, either, that it seems that the old maxim about “who the gods would destroy, they first make mad” seems more true now than ever. The funny thing is, I could claim that it looks like an entire political party has done so at this point, and all of America would read that statement and nod in agreement with it, every person assuming I was referring to “the other guys.” Have we all gone mad, honey? And if so, how soon will it be before we are destroyed? Or is there a choice between the mad and the sane, but to those who are mad, it’s the insanity that makes sense, and vice versa? The inside-out world looks sane to those who are not, so how can they choose aright? It’s not a particularly comforting thought, to believe that either this nation will fall to the madness, or that just under half of us are crazy and will resist the pull toward sanity – and that I’m not entirely sure whether I’m on the right side. I mean, I’m fairly sure, but then again, if madness seems logical to the mad, who’s to say? Maybe I’m the crazy one.

The only solace is that the incessant noise will finally come to an end soon – unless the crazy ones lose, and go that much more crazy in protest of not being allowed near the levers of power. In either case, I think we’ll need you to keep an eye on us all, and wish us luck, as we’re going to need it.