Dearest Rachel –
As with yesterday, a lot of what I have to say has to do with a song that entered my head and knocked about for a bit while I question its whole premise. This time, at least, it hasn’t been out of some urgent need to quell the silence within and around me; I’ve enough to occupy my time and attention at the moment that this isn’t a concern (although I admit that this deliberate suppression of those oppressively quiet moments of contemplation probably should be a concern, from a certain perspective). No, this time I was well up and on my way before I heard this unfamiliar song while driving to the study this morning, and found myself perplexed by it.
This song probably shouldn’t be so unfamiliar to me; I’ve collected a lot of Mark Heard’s stuff since his passing (although you and I would both admit that he barely was on our radar before then; our first time visiting the Cornerstone festival was the year after that happened, as well as the year after we got married). Somehow, this one escaped my regular playlist. Although, it’s not on the same level as his last few albums, in my opinion; this may just be because I’m more familiar with his later stuff, or that he had yet to reach his stride, musically speaking. At the same time, lyrically, he’s more than got his chops, even here in 1982, before I was ever into Christian contemporary music (or whatever this was called at the time).
Given where we are in history, honey, this almost feels more relevant now than when he wrote it. Our leaders “will break any bond, cause the other man’s always wrong?” This literally sounds like every political advertisement, every news article (do I repeat myself by saying that?) I’ve been hearing during this current election cycle. And while there seem to be fewer mobs “that God has approved of” this time around than last time (when it was okay to riot even during a pandemic, since apparently a horrible, world-killing virus recognizes social justice when it sees it, and will give its practitioners a pass), the ones that have existed contain a greater degree of quasi-religious fervor to them than the last cycle. Honestly, I can’t imagine how this could possibly be escalated in the next cycle, even though I could probably guarantee that it will.
Of course, this time around, the religious fervor is quite literal, as the world is in the middle of being riven about the adherents of one religion attempting to wipe out the single nation built around a different one – interestingly, one they claim to be built off of, as both sets of combatants claim descendancy from Abraham – only to find themselves getting wiped out as they find themselves overmatched in terms of nearly every warfare metric, apart from public relations. It would seem that everyone loves an underdog – which the side that was initially attacked qualified as for a hot second or two – but only as long as they stay an underdog. Once they start crushing their attackers, the world insists that they’ve gone too far. It’s the sort of mentality that seems as if they would have let Pearl Harbor pass, had society been what it is now, then.
I seem to have wandered away from the point that was going through my mind as I drove to church this morning, though. As I was listening to the song, I found myself thinking about how both sides – and particularly, the leaders of both sides – think of themselves as being on the side of God. And this isn’t specifically regarding the current war (and in any case, it’s not as if it’s the only one going on at the moment, or if there isn’t another one – or more! – waiting in the wings); this could just as easily be applied to our own political climate. Even those that seem to refuse to acknowledge any sort of higher Power tend to claim that their beliefs and actions put them “on the right side of history” (although, strangely enough, they seem determined to perform such acts in as surreptitious a manner as possible – even wearing black bloc and masks if they must act out in public. One would think that if they believed in the righteousness of their cause, they would march with faces uncovered, save for protection against whatever blows they might expect to receive in the battles they intend to be a part of).
Both sides, in so many conflicts, claim the mantle of righteousness, despite the obvious fact that the two diametrically opposed positions can’t both be right. Indeed, it’s more likely that both sides have a fair amount of wrongness to them, and the best we can do when it comes to picking sides (and within the next couple of weeks, we will have to pick sides, and be stuck with one or another) is to take the least bad option.
What I found myself processing (and failing to understand) this morning was how it is that someone can think of their cause and methods as being so righteous and noble that it borders on holy writ. How can a man believe in himself to such an extent that he thinks of his words as on par with God Himself? Maybe it’s easier if he doesn’t believe in a god to begin with – there’s nothing greater than himself to come alongside him and point out his insignificance– but it would seem to me that he would know that he’s little better, intellectually speaking, than the mudfish that supposedly first crawled out of the primordial ocean. He may be taking a great step, evolutionally speaking, but in the end, what does it matter? It’s all hopeless and futile, doomed to be enveloped in Sol’s expansive death throes a few million years from now or so.
Meanwhile, those who do believe in a god have to bear in mind Who they answer to; if they are to lead, they must know they will report to their own Commander at some point. You remember how our mentors John and Lana claimed that the disciples’ bravery after the Resurrection was the greatest proof of its authenticity; why, he would ask, would they die for a lie? And yet, so many folks do just that; they create their own religions (or religious offshoots, since some claim to be part of a larger whole) with themselves in charge, despite knowing that they’re no greater, no wiser, and in the end no more capable of staving off the inevitable than any other person on the planet. They may not mean to die for a lie, but they live their lives in one, and all too often, come to the end of theirs still swearing to its veracity nonetheless, while leading legions of others astray. I don’t know how that’s possible; how can one have such supreme confidence in what they know is not true? I understand the “why” of it on a temporal basis; some people just love the money or the power that comes with it, but there’s a point at which none of that means anything anymore, and having to answer for your actions should become more important.
Riches will not help ·when it’s time to die [L on the day of anger], but ·right living [righteousness] will save you from death.
Proverbs 11:4, Expanded Bible
Maybe I have more reason than most to come to this conclusion, but I know how stupid and foolish I am; there’s no way I could trust anything I say with my life. With that being said, I simply can’t grasp how anyone else could think otherwise about themselves. Everybody’s hands are dirty, nobody’s mind is clean. We eat, excrete, we trip and fall; it’s all the same old scene. Why should I believe someone else, when I know how dumb I am, and that they’re no smarter than me?
Yeah, this is the sort of thing that goes through my mind, honey. You and I might have been able to discuss this, once upon a time; I miss that about these days. This is the only way I can get it out, now… I wonder if it might make those who read this over your shoulder think about it. But for now, all I can ask is that you keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 