Awake, But Not Eager

Dearest Rachel –

After an afternoon spent walking with Lars (and these afternoons are getting longer; for the last three weeks, we’ve gone under the tunnels below the Edens Expressway, and ventured to the next major street the preserve path takes us, adding nearly a full mile to our customary route) and an evening spent watching videos with Daniel (once Logan has retired for the night, since his work day now begins at seven, in order to permit himself a four-day week), you might expect that I’d sleep in a bit, now wouldn’t you?

Not this morning, however. I woke to find myself surrounded by much the same level of darkness as I had been when I informed Daniel that it was getting late (well, late for me, anyway. It wouldn’t have surprised you as such, either, since it was basically the same time I used to retire when I was still in the work farce. But even though I’m no longer committed to that, my body still hews to the same routine, albeit for much different tasks) and sent him off for the evening with our mutual blessings for each other. Under certain circumstances, I might roll over and attempt to go back to sleep, but upon checking the time – five o’clock – I concluded that, were I succeed at doing so (and there was no guarantee of that), I wouldn’t wake up until maybe seven or so, and I’d still feel compelled to work out and everything else that’s become a part of my morning routine. And I’ve noticed over the past week or so that I’ve been getting out of the house to get to the folks’ place later and later each day; this would continue the trend if I were to follow my instinct, and somehow, I couldn’t countenance that.

So I pried myself out of bed, awake, but not eager to be so.

At least, I assumed that I wasn’t. At the same time, you’d think that my body would have made more of an effort to point out to my mind (which, I should point out, was barely bothering to do more than spin its own wheels. I’ve no deadlines to deal with today, nor have I any great ideas or insights to share with you. Even my latest AI project – which I finally sprung for, after way too much internal debate – isn’t anything I could say was particularly pressing) that it could use a little more rest before heading off to the gym, and testing out some of the advice Lars had given me about being slower and more deliberate with my weight training. He’s basically told me that, rather than trying to do as many repetitions in as little time as possible (which I’ve been doing because I just want to get this part of the visit – as well as the whole experience, quite frankly – over with), I need to bring whatever weight I’m pushing or pulling back from its extension point slowly, in order to deal with the resistance it offers; this is where the real exercise of the various muscles factors in.

So with that in mind, maybe you would conclude that it’s my body that’s eager to test this theory – as well as to get it all over and done with for the day (which seems to be one thing both mind and body agree on when it comes to this whole process). At the same time, getting up out of bed still gives me plenty of reminders that it hasn’t given itself enough time to recover from the twenty-five thousand steps it traversed yesterday. From my thighs to my ankles to the soles of my feet, there was nowhere from my hips down that seemed happy to be up and walking about.

And yet I was awake – and with little chance of being able to return to slumber, even if I wanted to. So, for its own sake, I decided to at least give my body some small additional chance to possibly recover a little more by writing you about it before I head out.

It doesn’t seem to be doing all that much good, though, to be honest, and even as I continue this letter, I can see the time passing in the corner of the screen. I know how long I’m likely to be there, and I’m not keen on prolonging things that much further by delaying much more. I can rest when I return; just like I expect to be able to rest over the weekend, when my commitments will preclude me from these exertions (in which case, I’ll have to resort to other means to continue working on my weight, if not my muscle tone).

So I’m going to let you go for now, honey, and ask – as per usual – that you keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. As you can tell, I’m going to need it.