I Don’t Like Piña Coladas, Either

Dearest Rachel –

A few years ago, there was this song that was part of the top 40 repertoire whose chorus began with “if you like piña coladas / and getting caught in the rain…” I never bothered to look further into it, since as far as I was concerned, it was nothing but an earworm to start off a certain commercial I kept hearing on the radio. But for reasons known only to yourself, you went and looked up the song. apparently, the story behind it is of a relationship (don’t know if it was a marriage, but the assumption was there) that seemed to be getting stale, and the singer placed a personals ad looking for somebody who enjoyed this laundry list of what some might consider romantic activities. Upon getting a response in the affirmative (the lucky scut), the singer/narrator goes to the appointed meeting place to find their new paramour… only to discover their spouse, who’d also been thinking that the relationship was getting a little stale, and decided to answer a personal ad… which turned out to be from their spouse.

Now, the story of the song ends happily enough, with both of them concluding that “oh, my partner was into all these things all this time, and I never bothered to ask; maybe we should give this relationship another try,” but I’m sure that you agreed, even at the time, how this incident, while laughable from a distance, could’ve gone terribly south in a terrible hurry. After all, here you are, cheating on your spouse, only to discover they’re cheating on you, too… but with you. Who gets mad at whom?

The song was going through my head as I woke up and got out of the house this morning. A year ago, or even a few months back I wouldn’t have bothered to leave the house, especially to go work out, given the way things look outside.

It was pretty obvious to me, as I made my way north, that I was going to get caught in the rain, whether I liked it or not. Not at that moment, as such, but on the way back for sure. And while I can deal with getting caught in the rain, as long as I don’t get water spots on my glasses (which is why I grabbed a baseball cap as I headed outside), that doesn’t mean I like it in any way, shape or form.

Heck, I don’t like piña coladas, either.

But I’d made a commitment to myself, and I was already up this early, dressed in yesterday’s T-shirt. (no sense spoiling a new one, since I’m just gonna go get it all sweaty), so whether it was going to rain or not, I was going to get this workout in. Who knows, maybe if I spent enough time there, I could watch the weather as it came through and left, thereby allowing me to walk out into a damp – but no longer rainy – morning.

And so it was, that once there, I took a little more time on the various weight machines, trying to get a few extra repetitions in (and, in order to do that, I may have dialed back just a bit on the amount of weight I was lifting or pushing around, but not by an appreciable amount; after enough repetitions, even the smaller amounts can get to you) before I hopped onto a treadmill to see just how far I could go, both in terms of distance and time. For all the time spent in the Arlington Ridge Center, the Vitality spa, and now this place, I’d never actually put myself through a full hour of walking on one of these things. Could I manage to break through that barrier, even while constantly ticking the speed up every four minutes (rather than the three I had been using, although I made the concession of starting at 3.0 mph rather than 2.6)?

Turns out that I could, but just barely; what I didn’t know, and hadn’t expected, was that the treadmill goes into “cooldown” mode after sixty minutes, no matter what you’re doing, and slows down to a leisurely walking pace. Which is all good and well, but if you happen to be “in the zone” (and I’m not saying I was, but I might have been able to continue for a bit yet) it’s more than a little unexpected. It might have been possible to override it, and crank the speed back up again (it didn’t reduce the incline, if I recall correctly), but I’d already been thrown off my rhythm. Besides, after four minutes at 4.4 mph, I was almost as relieved to stop as I was annoyed by it not being on my own terms.

While I was getting to this point, I found myself staring out the windows of the storefront this place is built into. Normally, as I go through my paces in the gym, I can see through them as the sun rises and the day gets brighter; not this time around. Any thoughts I had about staying in the gym until the rain had blown over were long gone; I was going to be having to walk home in the rain. I just hoped that the occasional flash that I could see wouldn’t be of any concern; while there are enough trees lining the road that I needn’t worry about being hit by lightning, a thunderstorm is indicative of a real downpour, one that I’d really rather have no part of.

Fortunately, while it was raining once I did leave the place some eighty minutes after arriving, it was more of a sprinkle than a cascade. That didn’t happen until I got home and was in the shower; I could hear several rumbles of thunder even over the rush of hot water on my back. Clearly, I’d gotten home just in time to avoid the worst of it. Now, the only concern is that Daniel has to head down to that same strip mall for an appointment with our broker later today; he may like the flavor of pineapple and coconut more than I do, but he’s no more into getting caught in the rain than I.

So thanks for keeping your eye on me, honey; now, if you could give him the same courtesy, that would be most appreciated. Oh, and wish us both luck – we’re still going to need it.