His Mother’s Son

Dearest Rachel –

After making such a big deal of it last year, what with rediscovering your notes and observations during his first year with us (to be fair, it was a milestone at thirty, so that should have been expected), I almost let Daniel’s birthday slide a bit, as far as these letters are concerned.

Don’t worry; I didn’t let the day go unobserved. Sure, I had trouble thinking of anything to get him as a present – as well as anything to recommend to my folks to get him as well – but at least Logan was able to fill me in on the latest show the two of them have been watching, so I could get my hands on some merch for him to enjoy. And his birthday meal, while at a place he likes, played rather second fiddle to a opportunity for me to reunite with a couple of our old friends from the fanfiction community that I didn’t get the chance to see at ACen (one of whom hadn’t been to ACen since 2018 – a lot has happened since then, hasn’t it, honey?), so all in all, his celebration was rather low-key in comparison to some years.

Then again, I’ve been reliably informed that he prefers to be low-key; he’d just as soon not be the center of attention. And while I can kind of understand that – I can certainly respect the wish for everyone else to be enjoying themselves – I’m not sure I can quite grasp his outright shunning of the spotlight, especially on a day that, by definition, is supposed to revolve around him. But that’s as may be; it’s neither here or there.

Or is it? On a day like this, I find myself wondering what you would think about how he’s turned out since your departure. In some ways, he’s so much more your boy than mine; he takes after you more than he does me. That’s not a complaint, mind you; merely an observation. This state of not wanting to be the center of attention is something I think he inherited from you. Granted, the irony is that he achieves it better than you do; regardless of your wish, you actually were the center of so much, being the glue that held so many of our friend groups together. Meanwhile, despite the fact that he sticks out in a crowd, between his height and the neon-bright clothes that he favors, he’s surprising good at making himself nearly invisible when he wants to. Would you be proud of him for that, honey?

And then there’s the fact that, like you, he hasn’t wanted to grow up – and like you, he’s succeeded at this surprisingly well. Despite being thirty-one, if you didn’t know better – and set aside the bald spot on the crown of his head (which may explain in part why he’s always wearing a hoodie, even in the midst of summer like he is right now) – you’d swear he was in his late teens. In that respect, you’d probably be quite impressed by his ability to project himself as being so much younger than he really is. Would it please you to see it? Would you be proud?

For my part, I rather worry about him sometimes, honey. At the risk of sounding so much older than him (or I am, for that matter), when I was his age, I was living on my own with the two of you – and had been for a good five (with her), six (with you) years. We’d already been living here in this house for two or three years, in fact. Meanwhile, he’s not gotten to that level of adulting, nor has he shown that he’s likely to for the foreseeable future. Sure, the house didn’t fall down around him when I was gone, but I’d taken care of a few bills beforehand, so he didn’t have to – while at the same time, there were a few bills in that huge cache of mail he let for me to look at when I got back; it shouldn’t surprise you that a few of them were overdue by then. Yes, I chucked him into the deep end by gallivanting off like that, but at this age, he ought to be able to handle things.

Then again, he hasn’t had to, nor does he have to even now. It’s been one of those luxuries we tried to make a priority in our family; I worked and earned a living, so that you didn’t have to (and you were grateful enough that, when the time came, you graciously allowed me to step down from the job I had come to essentially hate), and likewise, we’re in a position such that Daniel need not deal with the tribulations of the work environment, either (while at the same time, we’re not having to go so far as to institutionalize him, like your folks apparently feared we would).

Moreover, some things he’s had to deal with (like losing you, for instance) I have yet to have to do. My mom is still around, after all, so I can’t relate to him in that respect. Still, even that level of emotional trauma shouldn’t be an excuse to not get out into the world. And to his credit, he does go out on his own now and again, doing lunch at a couple of favorite places every week, so there’s that. I just wonder what you would have made of it all; how far he’s come and how far – in my opinion – he still needs to go. He’s been given a lot of advantages to go along with his setbacks, but he needs them in order to keep up in the world.

So with that having been said, honey, keep an eye on him, if you will, and wish him luck. He’s going to need it, too.