A Waste of Time and Money

Dearest Rachel –

Another year of the convention scene, another reminder that the scene has passed me by. I wish I didn’t have to utter the cliché “I’m getting too old for this,” but more and more, I’m starting to realize how well it fits. There’s no place for dilettantes in Otaku Nation; you’re either an active citizen, or a mere tourist, no matter how long you’ve spent watching and reading the stuff you claim to be a fan of. And I’m clearly that mere tourist.

Worse, yet, I’m a tourist who’s revisiting the city he remembered so fondly, only to find out that several of the most treasured landmarks have, for whatever reason, been torn down. Oh, the exhibit hall and the Artists’ Alley are thriving to the point where the crowded streets of Mumbai have nothing on them (and they don’t even have vehicular travel to deal with, apart from the more-than-occasional motorized wheelchair – hey, at least they don’t honk at you). And while this has been as far as we’ve ever been from the convention in terms of the hotel – a solid mile, in fact – it’s not that hard to walk once you’ve learned the path, and it’s less than I spend walking around in the center itself, for certain. And it’s not as if I have to walk, considering that they do have a shuttle service, so that’s not really a concern.

But then there’s the less-than-welcoming addition to this year’s event; the metal detectors and security screenings that create lines that wrap around the center in either direction from the main entrance. Yes, the line moves quickly, especially relative to its size, but it still chews up an incredible amount of time as we wait to get in. I hate to keep comparing the event to India (which even some of the guides referred to as “I’ll Never Do It Again”), but it seems as if the place – or the event – doesn’t really want us here, or at least not all of us. Given that I’m not throwing myself into it by cosplaying or hosting a panel (not that I ever have), I’m probably one of the ‘all’ they’d just as soon not have crowding the place up and creating that much more risk for them. And at this point, I’m almost happy to oblige.

I mentioned the landmarks that have been torn down; one of the reasons I’m not attending any panels this weekend is that the ones I’d attend no longer exist. Doc didn’t manage to land himself a fanfiction panel (which I’ve not been a part of for the better part of a decade, in any event, and you’ve heard me expound upon why, both back in the day and in these letters), and I was stunned to discover that the late night panels we used to attend faithfully on Friday nights – Anime Hell and Midnight Madness – weren’t on the schedule, either. So what’s left? The eighteen-plus shows? Don’t make me laugh; those were fun to attend with a partner, but as a single old man, it’s just creepy and pathetic to be there anymore. The Soap Bubble rave party? I suppose it would be a good workout, but as the saying goes “if it’s too loud, you’re too old,” and I know I’ve been too old for that thing for years. Plus, even you could recall the lines that would encircle the Hyatt of kids trying to get into that thing, back in the day (and I haven’t even checked to see if the Hyatt has metal detectors there too). Between this, that and the other, it occurs to me that I’m wasting my money to bother with a hotel anymore, if there’s nothing on the late-night schedule worth sticking around for.

Although, in terms of a waste of money, there was something better than anything we ever had to deal with in the past, or that I’d ever expected – and it wasn’t even mine. Daniel had brought Logan’s last couple months’ rent with him as spending money (he’d been holding onto it for me, awaiting my return, but I pointed out that he’d been paying the household bills in my absence, and so was entitled to keep the money for those couple of months, but didn’t know what to do with it, as now that I’m back, he doesn’t have much that he needs to spend his money on), but when we took a spin around the exhibit hall on Saturday for something he’d seen the day before, he pulled out his wallet only to discover that it was empty. He was pretty sure it had been full the night before at the restaurant, but what happened in the meantime, he’s had no idea.

I don’t know what to say. I admire his equanimity in the situation – for my part, I would be absolutely distraught at the loss of so much cash (although I wouldn’t have ever carried so much on my person in the first place) – but I do worry about his astonishingly blasé attitude about it, as well. To be fair, I suppose he’s not crying over spilled milk; if it’s gone, it’s gone, and no amount of fretting can bring it back, after all. And I realize that I’ve taught him that either of us can lose that kind of money (and then some!) during any given month on our portfolios (and usually have it bounce back the next), so I may be somewhat responsible for this attitude, be it good or bad. But I still wish he would be more careful with the stuff; then again, it wasn’t something either of us would have foreseen.

Now, that’s clearly a case of “it’s not you, it’s me” with regard to the less-than-stellar experience this year at Anime Central; I’m not hanging this on them (and if the money did scatter to the four winds, that there are a bunch of individuals whose experience here was enhanced that much more from being here). But there was a lot about the schedule and everything else that’s making me reconsider my attendance. At the very least, I should probably eschew the hotel stay from now on; also worth considering is whether I should even bother attending anymore. I never was the obsessive that the word ‘otaku’ conveys in the original Japanese (although I probably spent more time in front of the computer that would better have been spent with you back then), and as I grow older, there are so many more important things for me to attend to – some of which I’m even being reminded of to this day.

I thought that turning my back on Anime Iowa marked the end of an era; to contemplate giving Anime Central a miss – or writing it out of my life entirely going forward – when I’ve made it something of a point of pride to having been here every year since its inception seems unthinkable. After all, it isn’t as if it’s gone all political like some entertainment communities (I can only imagine what you would think about what’s happened to your beloved Doctor Who) – although it’s possible that, if I were to actually listen to certain guests, I might be disabused of that notion – one can have fun here regardless of persuasion. But it’s lost something – or maybe it’s that I’ve lost something – and it no longer seems to be as worth my time or money anymore.

I’m going to have to think about this for the future, honey. And as I do so, continue to keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.