Dearest Rachel –
I wonder if this trip would have driven you crazy; the answer to the above question is, of course I am. I’ve limited myself to a single suitcase (which itself is limited to fifty pounds) as well as my electronic items in my carry-on backpack (while the suitcase Kerry and the travel agency in general got me wasn’t long enough to accommodate my computer, it turned out when I checked in on the airline app that I could also check a carry-on, so I decided to fill it with the stuff I couldn’t cram into the large suitcase. Even so, the larger case barely squeaks under the fifty-pound limit). With such limitations on the amount of stuff I can bring, I’m sure I’m going to be leaving something important behind.
But if I am, I’m just going to have to learn to live with it.
It’s a lesson I’ve been trying to teach myself ever since your departure, honey. While you may have had a more severe inability to let go of stuff – and oh boy, aren’t I being made aware of how well you knew this as I go through your old Bible study materials – I’m a bit of a preservationist myself. Certain items serve as totems that hark back to days gone by, days that I still desperately wish were still with me, when I had you at my side (and vice versa), and everything was beautiful.
I may be looking at those days with rose-colored lenses; certainly, I get a lot of comments from people who seem to think that I look so much better than I did, say, five years ago – not just in terms of my weight, but my entire demeanor being so much more relaxed. I’m guessing that most of that is due to having been permitted to set the work farce aside, and live independently – which also wouldn’t have been possible without you. I still think I would be better off if you were still here, even if the place would be the same mess that I only vaguely recall it being at this remove.
But it’s not as if I’m given that option to live with anymore.
So, since I’ve already had the most precious thing in my life ripped away from me, everything else becomes considerably less necessary in terms of what I need with me on a journey such as this. Oh, there are some things I consider to be absolute necessities that, a decade or so ago, would have seemed excessively extravagant (although, now that I think about it, I was bringing my computer with us even as far back as 2001, and maybe even 1999, so maybe I’m overstating things here), but I don’t think anyone would look at me and what I’m carrying, and say I’ve overpacked – at least, not for a trip of this length.
To be fair, I might do well to have a few less clothes, as I misread the benefits of my loyalty program; I’d thought it said I could only utilize the laundry service three times throughout the course of my trip, when in fact, I’m allowed to do so three times a week (more, if I’m willing to pay for the privilege). But I’m hard-pressed to determine which shirts to remove from the suitcase – and even if I knew which ones I’d rather pull, they’re pretty deeply embedded in there at this point. As long as I’ve got everything properly configured – and I don’t have a weight issue to speak of – I might as well run with what I have.
At least with modern technology, all my entertainment (and efficiency – there was a time when I wouldn’t need to do work while on vacation, and I pitied the folks on cruise ships who did) is contained in a thin laptop and a few hard drives the size of a large deck of cards. Remember when we would take binders full of CDs to watch this or that show or anime? I can’t say I miss that part of those days. Then again, in the earliest part of those days, there wasn’t nearly the screening process there is today, either, so it wasn’t as big a deal as it is today. So, I suppose the improvements and declinations sort of cancel each other out.
Anyway, now that everything is packed (more or less – I still have a few last-minute things to add as soon as I’ve used them before walking out of the house), I really out to wrap this letter up. There’s going to be a few more missives today – departure date is always among the most eventful – so I’ll talk to you later today, I can assure you.
Until then, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 