Picking the Lyrics Apart

Dearest Rachel –

I want you to know that I’m not trying to avoid your memory – heck, if I was, would I be writing to you every day like this? – but there’s only so much I can take of going through my offline music library, where I’m guaranteed to encounter one of ‘our’ songs in short order. Even if they aren’t one of those tunes we would send each other back and forth while we were courting, just about every song in my collection is associated with one time (or many) together or another, and with you gone, those memories are at best bittersweet. So, I hope you’ll understand why I’ve made something of a point to listen to a whole new aggregation of music these days; not something we’d have objected to as such, but music that just wasn’t on our radar, so I wouldn’t constantly find myself dealing with reminders of you and your absence.

Since replacing my phone after landing on it last January (less than a year after your departure), Daniel and I have had an upgraded plan to go with it. Our cellular service is such that, while I think our data plan has a monthly limit, it’s large enough that we could consider it unlimited for all intents and purposes; maybe, if we streamed videos constantly while outside of any wireless connectivity, we could reach that limit, but otherwise… no. So we’ve learned to use that 5G connection while traveling, both for figuring out where we are and where we need to be, as well as streaming music.

Oh, and that’s another thing; the plan came bundled with stuff like Apple Music, where I can listen to its library rather than my own. So, I will occasionally search for a song, and let the algorithm do the rest, concluding that “if you liked that song, maybe you’ll like this one, too” all the while; thereby introducing me to all manner of stuff I would never have otherwise known about, let alone contemplating listening to. I may, at some point, try to introduce you to a few more of those songs, but let me start with this one, since it’s got a little more baggage to it than most:

I’m aware that it seems that the internet utterly despises Nickelback in particular, for reasons that I can’t quite figure out. From what I can ascertain, the consensus is that it’s a corporate attempt to distill the grunge/alternative style into something palatable for the masses in a rather blatant cash grab. Purists of the subculture saw this – and the fact that the band seemed to be aware of the fact that they were being ‘manufactured,’ rather than grown organically, and didn’t seem to be bothered by it – as a betrayal of the ethos of the movement. It didn’t help that the band didn’t seem to evolve or grow over time, never bothering to improve or expand its horizons – because, why fix what ain’t broken, especially when the money keeps rolling in? Mediocre was good enough for them, and that upset the faithful.

Of course, this level of mediocrity and money-grubbing attitude isn’t unique to Nickelback; there have been manufactured bands as long as the recording industry has been… well, an industry. Consider the Monkees, the original ‘Pre-Fab Four’; there was no concealing that they were basically assembled to capitalize on the British Invasion (and they certainly weren’t the only ones, either). But in the days of the nascent internet, Nickelback arrived on the scene when that opprobrium could be quickly disseminated far and wide in a way like never before – and it did, and they were the victims of it, despite not being any worse, necessarily (I mean, it’s kind of all subjective, now, isn’t it?) than any other manufactured, cash-grab band.

Even this particular song, while it may resonate with its listener (especially one like myself, who’s experienced loss, and wouldn’t mind crossing over soon to join you at some point sooner rather than later), does have a certain… stock-ness to it, for lack of a better way of putting it. And while the message behind it does seem like something worth considering – you know, the whole “leave a good impression behind on your way to eternity” and all that, it kind of gets one wanting to pick it apart to a certain extent.

So, if you don’t mind, I think I will.

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said, “Each day’s a gift and not a given right

I have to say for one thing, I love the juxtaposition of ‘gift’ and ‘given’ here, especially since they represent diametrically opposite concepts. It’s cliché to talk about the moment you’re in as a gift (“that’s why they call it ‘the present,’” goes the saying, which treads just this close to trite), but when it’s compared to the fact that we do tend to assume we’re going to have another moment following this one, and another and another… well, that does make you think a little bit more about that assumption.

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride”

And now, the hurricane of clichés begins. These suggestions sound reasonable, in and of themselves – although, “leave no stone unturned,” when it’s your last day? You don’t have time for that anymore, buddy! – but the execution seems rather vague. How do you go about doing any of this, anyway?

Besides, I’ve read more about the Robert Frost poem, when the ‘path less traveled by’ phrase was coined; that was meant to tease an indecisive friend – who eventually made his decision to enlist and fight for King and country, and never returned from WWI as a result. It made “all the difference,” yes, but that doesn’t mean that difference was positive. Even Frost felt a little twinge about having had a part in convincing his friend to jump into the meat grinder.

Chorus
(What if, what if), if today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late?
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
(Would you, would you) would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you have?
(Would you, would you) if today was your last day?

(What if, what if) if today was your last day?

Let’s face it, this is an interesting question; what would I do if I woke up one fine morning, and somehow I knew without a doubt that – despite the rest of the day proceeding otherwise normally – when I went to bed that night, I would never wake up again? Or more to the point, I’d wake up where you are? As appealing as that might be from a certain perspective, there’d be a lot of unfinished business to deal with down here first.

The accountant (and, for that matter, the widower) in me says that I’d best make sure that everything is transferred over to Daniel now, in order to avoid any issues with wills and probate and so forth (so I’d have to get in touch with our attorney, among other things). I’d also best list all my passwords and such, so that he would be able to take care of the household bills going forward, too. Oh, and I ought to check on that space in the family plot, and get the stone commissioned to be set atop it, complete with the appropriate dates. Not the most fun way to spend one’s final day, to be sure – and to be honest, some of this could just as easily be done sooner than that last day, so I really ought to just hop to them now, while I’m thinking of them – but they are necessary tasks, given what (and who, more to the point) I leave behind.

Against the grain should be a way of life

This makes no sense; while it’s true that the majority isn’t always right, it isn’t always wrong, either. And in a literal sense, this is a good way to ruin a lot of decent wood before you can work with it; but that’s neither here nor there. But I suppose this is in keeping with the reference to ‘the road less traveled by’ earlier (which I have a problem with for similar reasons).

What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight

This actually sounds redundant, now that I’m looking at it. If the prize is worth competing for, it’s worth fighting for… okay, I guess? I can’t argue with it, but as Dot Warner once put it, it’s kinda sorta because “…it’s too stupid.”

Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try (try, try)

Again, a cutesy juxtaposition of the double meaning of the word ‘second.’ And while I’d disagree about ‘no second chances’ (I’m not the Tenth Doctor, after all), I get how this fits in context of only having this one last day on earth to deal with things.

Which brings me to the problem with the whole idea of living every day as if it were your last; in real life, you sometimes have to assume you’ll get another day to try again. If you acted as if there was no tomorrow, you would never plan ahead for anything (which reminds me; I would probably have to cancel any outstanding travel reservations, as well as that pre-order on that Twike). There’s a certain amount of fun in being completely spontaneous, sure, but what if you do wake up the next day and have to deal with the consequences?

So live like you’ll never live it twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

For what it’s worth, this is a reason I’m glad we have what recordings we do (although I regret not having more, or being able to find some of them). Some things we only got to do once; other things, we just didn’t get enough chances to do. At least we have the memories – and it the wetware is faulty, there’s whatever documentation we made at the time.

Repeat chorus

(Would you, would you) and would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?

I’d argue that I don’t have a lot of old friends left to reminisce with, aside from the girls. Maybe a call to Lars, maybe a call to Dave. I really don’t know. It probably wouldn’t cross my mind soon enough, all things considered.

Would you forgive your enemies?

At least this is something I don’t think I’d have to deal with. Just as I don’t have any regrets about wondering if you knew how much I loved you, so, too, I don’t think I have enemies I need to forgive. For all that I complain (and worry) about it, that’s the beauty of a swiss-cheese memory; I’m incapable of holding grudges.

On the other hand, if I have people who consider me an enemy, I don’t know about it. Those spaces where I’m supposedly living rent-free? Yeah, I’m completely unaware of them, so those are just large vacancies in their cerebral cortexes. Their problem, not mine.

(Would you, would you), and would you find that one you’re dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love (finally fall in love)
If today was your last day

As much as I’d like to spend part of my last day making love (and I can think of a possible paramour or two – and you might be able to guess who as well), the fact of the matter is that, at this point, that’s just not in the cards. For me to ask this of anyone I truly cared about in this way would likely produce an adverse reaction, and even if it didn’t, and we could spend a few hours exchanging intimacy and ecstasy together (which, again, sounds wonderful), the thought that she would find my dead in but a few hours would be more trauma that I’d be willing to inflict on someone I hold any affection for, so that’s a no-go.

And I’d probably garnish this little confection of acknowledged futility with a reply of “well, what of it?” to any girl who reads that last paragraph and wonders if I’m talking about her. There’d be no point to confessing to her, seeing that it wouldn’t get anywhere, so this would be a secret I’d take with me to the grave. Not so much out of cowardice (although there is a sense of “why waste time and effort on such an absurd long shot?”) as out of consideration (again, who wants to wake up next to a dead lover?). Let her think she was ‘Megumi’ if she wants, without the concrete evidence, or let her forget, if she prefers.

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

Considering that broken hearts are often caused by loss, this seems there’s not much I could do about this. Even if I could soothe someone else’s soul, then they might develop some feeling toward me that would be dashed in a matter of hours – or even minutes. It would leave an impression, perhaps, but I’d be swapping out one form of emotional damage for another.

Although… my own sense of loss would be remedied, once I got to the other side… so there’s that. But I don’t think that’s what the song is asking about.

You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

Well, acktually… yeah, I hate to be the guy to point it out, but so many of the great accomplishments take time. More than twenty-four hours (which, again, in the scenario we’re working with, is being overly generous; it’s more like eighteen, at best), anyway. Even things that seemingly turned the world around on a dime (like one we just commemorated earlier this week) – how long did it take for Al Qaida to recruit and train these guys, slip them into the country, and plan such a coordinated attack? Yes, we were caught by surprise, and everything changed in an instant for the rest of us, but this wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing. No truly great acts are.

And let’s not get started about taking this line literally. Voyager has been 45 years or so in its travels, and it was only a year or so ago that it got past the Oort Cloud. It’s still got a long way to go before it ever reaches a star.

So do whatever it takes (takes)
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way (way)
‘Cause the hands of time are never on your side

All very true, and we need the reminder about this every now and then. But I’m not sure that having the realization at the forefront of one’s mind will really change how one approaches every moment one is faced with. Too much dwelling on this, and you begin to feel like the centipede, trying to figure out which foot to put forward first. Don’t think so hard about it; just take a step, any step. It’s the only way forward, after all.

Wow. That was a lot to pick apart, after all; this took more than one day for me to sort out my feelings about it. As you can see, I’m struck by the song – it isn’t that awful, despite what the internet says – but there’s a lot to argue about in it.

Of course, there’s also a lot I need to get taken care of before I face that day, whenever it decides to assault me in some dark alley (because it’s not going to announce its presence like this, after all). And despite your admitted tendency toward procrastination, you’d probably tell me to learn from your experience, and get on with it. I know I’d rather not think about it, but it’s better taken care of than not.

Hopefully, though, I still have a little more time to work on these. For now, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.