Dearest Rachel –
This letter is going to be a little more difficult to write than most, particularly because it’s about a touchy subject – and, since you know me, I have to make it clear that I don’t mean that literally – and I thus, don’t want to name names. But I suspect that, if the people I’m referring to read these over your shoulder, they may still recognize themselves in the description, as well as my reaction to their decision. So I have to be a little careful how I put things, here.
Lest you get the wrong idea, this is about money. Specifically, the bequests that we spoke of, somewhat obliquely, a number of years ago in our lawyer’s office, and I finally got around to writing and sending out earlier this year. In one respect, these are actually the furthest thing from ‘touchy,’ as once the checks are in the mail, I don’t need to know what happens to them. The recipients can invest it, or blow it all on hats, or even simply frame the check as a memento; if they don’t tell me, I don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter to me (apart from that last option, where I have to keep a balance available for those uncashed checks, because I’ve no idea if or when they’ll be presented for payment). I may have preferences about how I might wish for them to use the money, but those preferences may not have even aligned with yours, let alone their needs and wishes, so it ceases to be under my control once I lift pen from paper. Indeed, unless I hear from them, I’ve no knowledge of the fate of those funds, let alone any concern.
But you might recall that my Dad asked at one point about whether I’d been thanked for one or another of those payments, as a matter of courtesy. I think I told you at the time that I hadn’t heard much back, but that I almost preferred things that way, for the very reasons that I just explained. If nothing else, by sending these bequests out, I think of myself as performed the work of your executor, just taking care of your wishes to the best of my ability. I’m not doing this from my own volition; I’m performing a task you would have had me do, despite never committing it explicitly to a legally verified piece of paper. As a result, I don’t feel that I should be thanked for simply carrying out an assignment. Sure, because I wasn’t under any specific legal obligation, I didn’t have to do this, but I knew (or at least thought I knew) what you wanted done, and carried it out. I don’t see that as deserving of thanks; if anyone should be thanked, it’s you, and you’re in no more position to receive them as you are to read these letters of mine… take that as you will.
However, over time, I’ve received those sorts of thanks regardless, and to a certain extent, I’ve concluded that I would have been better off without them. That’s because, as you might guess, I’m finding out what certain people are doing with these checks, and I’m not particularly happy about it – and I somehow doubt you would be either. I certainly feel that I would have been better off without knowing.
Notice that I refer to the ‘checks,’ not the ‘money.’ That’s what bothers me; more than one recipient has categorically stated that they will not be cashing the check, for… reasons. One claims that the income would preclude them from receiving government benefits (really? A gift will do that? My accounting expertise doesn’t extend to tax law, to be sure, but that seems very strange to me). Another simply can’t decide what to do with the money, and so, like Cinderella, has made ‘the decision not to decide.’ Yet another apparently simply refuses to do anything with it.
I really wish I hadn’t heard this from them; it makes me feel like that man from Jesus’ parable who threw a wedding – where none of the guests was willing to come – and I suddenly understand his reaction to them, which always used to strike me as disproportionately angry. As for myself, my reaction is a little more like that of the stereotypical dad; I’m not so much truly angry as disappointed – and I suspect, were you to be able to respond, you would be, too.
***
That all having been said – and I realize this was a long preamble to what’s likely to turn into a rather short update about the news of what’s going on down here – I can at least tell you about a case where your bequest is being put to its use. It may not be the way it was intended, but at least it’s being applied to her benefit; in some ways, doubly so.
Kerstin is one of those who hasn’t been able to decide what to do with the money – and, I guess, she’s been worried that such a sum would come across as strange if she were to deposit it (actually, I’m not entirely certain – not that it should matter to me – that she had anywhere to deposit it, although you would think so, given that she has a job, and her paychecks have to go somewhere). I think she had hoped to invest it (which I certainly approve of) or use it to improve her house (although she never took up my offer to bring Jan in to help her as she did me).
But with the accident over a month ago, compounded with the fact that her insurance had apparently lapsed, she was on the hook for the work being done on that car that you two had gone out to purchase for her. The repair bill is such that it would essentially eat up the whole of the bequest, were it not for the fact that she had already paid a substantial deposit on the work being done. And as much as it pains her to use what ‘you’ gave her for this purpose, it is to salvage another of your gifts to her, so there is that.
The trouble is, she still has the check – she hasn’t deposited it – and doesn’t know how long it would take to clear if she were to deposit it, and whether the funds would be available for her to make a payment by way of a debit card when she goes to pick the car up from the shop today. Handing the mechanic a third-party check is out of the question, as well, so we’ve decided that I will pick her up and bring her there, and write a check directly to them to pay for the repairs, so she can drive it home and get on with her life. At the same time, I will void the original check, and she can keep it as a memento.
It’s not the most ideal situation, but I think it’s making the best of such. She gets the car fixed, I get the satisfaction of her having used the funds (rather than having that outstanding check hanging over my head), and she even gets a keepsake of your final wish for her to enjoy a little more of our own good fortune. For not having the right to know what someone chooses to do with what we give them, this is probably the best we could ask for (apart from finding an investment that paid off handsomely, which doesn’t seem to be in the cards).
Anyway, honey, that’s today’s story, as I’m aware of it at the moment. Things may change, as they do when one talks about plans for the future, no matter how near or distant. Until then, keep an eye on us, and wish us luck; we’re going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 