To Answer the Call of the Road

Dearest Rachel –

I hadn’t meant for this to happen, but I suppose it shouldn’t have come as any surprise; this morning saw me up by five. I had fallen asleep in bed watching YouTube before ten while the boys were doing likewise in the family room as per usual – in part, I would imagine, because I’d gotten an early start to the day at the gym. Theoretically, seeing as I’m up, I could do the same today, but as I’m meeting Lars for a walk through Harms Woods, I don’t see the need in a double dose of exercise today.

That, and I’ve already put in my twice a week visits there. Plus, there’s the enduring fact that, honestly, I never want to go there if it wasn’t for the fact that I feel like I have to. Given that I woke up today with a weight decidedly under my self-imposed limit, I dare say that today’s a day I don’t have to all around.

Besides, not only have I a commitment to meet Lars today, I’ve also got to prepare myself for the first road trip I’ve taken in a year. It’s a weird thing to realize how long it’s been since I’ve taken to the open road; indeed, it was last year’s Anime Iowa, which I’d sworn at the time would be my last. I probably owe you an explanation about that, but I think I’m going to save that for at least tomorrow, when I’m actually on the road, if that’s all right with you.

So many of our usual road trips have gone by the boards these days. Daniel and I don’t go to the island anymore, for one thing. I know it was your favorite place in the world, but that’s kind of the point; it was your favorite place. I appreciated being cut off from the world (especially my job, and their ability to connect with me), but as that’s no longer a necessity for me, I don’t see the point as far as it being a getaway for myself. And while I’ve promised to take you there one last time, there are others who I believe want to accompany you on that final trip, and we need to make sure our schedules line up in order to do that. Until then, this isn’t somewhere worth going.

Likewise, our usual Memorial Day weekend trip to Tennessee is permanently canceled as well. I suppose I could have gone to Kevin’s memorial service – especially since it turned out that my tribute to him got lost in the mail – but I hardly need to tell you how it wouldn’t have been the same. Even the thought of staying in a hotel down there would have been utterly strange – not that staying at his place (even if that were possible) wouldn’t have been a disconcerting experience in its own right. Granted, any chance to be further south in January might have been welcome, but… oh, well. And it would have been on my own, as I guarantee Daniel wouldn’t have wanted to leave the house, even if it did mean a chance to stop at Waffle House along the way one way or another.

Ironically, now that I mention him, it’s weird to realize that, since my last road trip, I have managed to convince him to travel with me – twice, and to foreign countries, no less. Indeed, since last Anime Iowa, he’s been with me to opposite sides of Asia, and has loved both countries that he’s visited. The folks tell me he’d like to study Hebrew after having been to Israel (he’d already had some Japanese under his belt, from when he was still working on his associate’s degree at Harper, and it actually proved mildly useful as we picked our way through one town and another). But the last time we travelled by car any great distance has been nearly a year and a half ago, when we last went to see Kevin; and that’s not going to happen again.

I’m still debating about Anime Iowa. I told myself last year I wouldn’t, and part of the reason I changed my mind has since been pulled out from under me. But there are other things that I haven’t planned on before that I intend to engage in this time around, so… who knows? Maybe there will even be another try at what convinced me to reconsider in the first place (although I wouldn’t count on it).

But there’s a certain amount of ‘call’ to the open road. Just as I can be struck with the momentary urge to drive to the airport, buy myself a ticket, and be off to Lord-knows-where (and I’m still astonished by the fact that, apart from the sense of responsibility of life here at home – which slowly feels like it’s diminishing over time – I have the time, money and energy to pull that sort of sudden gallivant off), so too, is the occasional summons of the highway, and where it might lead. It’s probably a peculiar characteristic of the American psyche, exacerbated by the confinement of the Covid years, but it’s still there. The fact that my commute to ‘work’ is considerably shorter than it used to be probably doesn’t mitigate this situation either. Granted, the weekly drive east to meet Lars does allow for a little change of pace, but it doesn’t surprise me that I find myself actually somewhat eager to answer the call once again.

So with that being said, honey, keep an eye on me, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.