Setting My Rules Aside

Dearest Rachel –

I promised myself I would wait for the girls, but there’s only so much I can do about self-imposed restrictions when I want to break them. I’d apologize, but to whom?

I’d gotten my hands on that anime series I’ve mentioned a few times since Anime Central; A Place Further than the Universe, the one about the four high school girls who make an attempt to travel to the Antarctic. After having seen a couple of episodes there, I went to research the title, and heard a lot of good things about it. The fact that it had to do with the difficulties involved in arranging a trip of extraordinary magnitude (and yes, I chose that phrase deliberately, so feel free to make whatever Kentucky Fried Movie reference you’d like) in particular spoke to me, especially since I’d like to arrange something like we did back in 2007, but with all the girls. I thought that having them see this show (much like we used to do when Ellen would come over every week to watch M*A*S*H or Northern Exposure back in the day) might get them interested in the idea of traveling together. Granted, we have a specific trip to take on your behalf before we can really consider something of a more leisurely bent, but it never hurts to start whetting the appetite as soon as possible.

The thing is, I wanted to be as much a viewer as they would be when we would be able to screen the show; I didn’t want to host a screening so much as react to it at the same time as they would be. So I resolved to hold off on watching it until we could get everyone together, and we could watch it then.

The fact that I’m writing you now ought to clue you in that I couldn’t manage that.

For starters, Ellen and I watched the first episode together last Friday, not that this was part of any plan of mine (as the Joker would say, “Do I look like the kind of guy with a plan?”). When we were making arrangements to get together for Daniel’s birthday, she asked about whether we had room in our recycling bin (which we almost always do – it’s one of those big containers, as you might remember). But since we all met at the restaurant, there was never a point where she dropped by the house to deposit her recyclables into our bin. I reminded her of this fact, and offered to welcome her over to take care of the matter, if she was still so inclined. Once she came over, I then invited her to join me in our room to just hang out and watch videos, much like you and I used to do when Logan would visit Daniel back in the day – and in fairness, not unlike when she would come over on a weekly basis, complete with her working on her cross stitching.

It’s not all that much in terms of an interpersonal connection – certainly nothing compared to our own 24/7/365 interaction – but even something as small as having a warm body lying on your spot in bed while I sat in the recliner and showed her various channels I’d been watching lately was something I’d missed terribly. It’s one thing to watch something to pass the time (and I do that often enough – perhaps too much, in fact); it’s something completely different to get another person’s reaction to those things (which I never get to do anymore). I can live without it, just as I have been able to live without you, but when I get a touch of “what used to be” like this from time to time, it stuck me as to how strong that wave of poignant nostalgia could be.

Her reaction to the first episode seemed to be positive, especially in comparison to some of Sgt. Ducky’s material (she’s not as averse to the fellow’s language as some, but I admit to being a little self-conscious about it in a way that I’m not when I’m watching his stuff by myself. On the other hand, several episodes of his ‘Living With a Woman’ series had her acknowledging certain of his more pungent observations, both in relation to herself and to you). Whether it would be endorsement enough to get the group together to watch the show over a series of weekly visits, however, seemed doubtful, especially given the usual scheduling conflicts.

And so, last night, while the boys hung out in the family room as per usual, I decided to give up on waiting for that ever-more-unlikely outcome, and kill the evening by binge-watching the series in spite of my own self-imposed restriction on doing so. Hey, if I’m going to make the rules I abide by, I’m equally entitled to rescind them as I see fit. Besides, since – unlike you – I don’t have a problem with spoilers, so I’d read up on enough on the show so as to not to be surprised by the most dramatic twists and turns to the storyline, anyway. But while watching episode 7, I got a surprise regardless.

As you can see, after more than half the series’ episodes concluded, the girls have finally gotten on the ship bound for Antarctica, and have been quartered in the same cabin as the one girl’s mother had called home on her voyage down there several years ago. The girls try to find a trace of her past presence, only to come up emptyhanded… until lights out, when one of the bunks reveals itself as special. It doesn’t prove anything, mind you, but it’s the sort of thing that makes sense in terms of a connection between the daughter Shirase and her mother.

You might actually recognize it yourself; it left me gasping. Not so much because of what it was – as a plot device, it was clever to find something that couldn’t be seen in broad daylight, but otherwise, it was a relatively low-key revelation – but that it shared a link between the character of Takako and yourself. It wouldn’t have hit me so powerfully had it not been for the fact that this was a small version of what your old bedroom looked like when you were growing up (I should know, having spent a few nights there with you myself) and which we later did in Daniel’s room in turn. Had your room been like the typical little girl’s, it would have been an insignificant thing (which is why I was so unprepared for the moment, as no reviewer who had watched the episode thought enough of the scene as to consider it worthy of comment), but to me, knowing you… well, it was the one thing that stopped me cold, and choked me up.

It also had the virtue of causing me to set the series aside, so as to let you know about what I’d just seen (and cut the clip for you to watch, if you could – it’s not like this clip is significant enough to be floating around on the internet), so maybe the girls can still catch me up if and when we do find the chance to get together and take a look at this thing.

But until then, keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck (and maybe a little patience, as well); I’m going to need it.