Too Distracted to Care

Dearest Rachel –

I couldn’t speak for you, but it’s customary for a guy preparing to go on a date to get a slight case of the jitters beforehand. Maybe it’s out of concern for the plans he’s made; he’s hoping they don’t fall through somehow. That certainly seems reasonable, but I think it goes deeper than that. After all, if he’s on his own, or with his buddies, it doesn’t seem to matter so much to him whether they do anything ‘important.’ But then, the relational dynamic is different in this case; he’s got different expectations from a date as opposed to a night in with himself or a night out with his friends. Those expectations will differ from guy to guy, of course, but I think you can figure out what might be on his mind already.

With that being said, you might expect that I’d be somewhat nervous about this evening, seeing as I’m going on the first date I’ve been on since September 2021. And yet somehow – apart from finding it sufficient to merit comment to you about it all – I’m not; in fact, that’s what’s gotten under my skin about this. I’m not really sure if I should have any expectations about this panning out at all. Oh, the evening should go all right; since she’s just moved to the area, I thought the best thing to do would be to meet her in the alfresco district, and we could pick a place to talk and eat from the many locations within a block from the central intersection. And I’m sure that, since we have wildly different backgrounds and stories to tell, there will be plenty of decent conversation between us. But will anything come of it? I’m not particularly confident of that, and given my upbringing (and hers, for the matter), certainly not tonight. So there’s no real point in getting all worked up about tonight.

There’s also the fact that I’ve been a little distracted by other things on the schedule. Daniel’s birthday is tomorrow – not his first without you, of course, but a first milestone, as he’s crossing thirty even as he still basically presents himself as a seventeen-year-old – and I want it to be a little special for him. But given his blasé attitude toward it – something he probably inherited from me, I’m afraid – that’s a difficult thing to do. Were you here, we could probably put our heads together and come up with something, but I’m not all that good at this by myself. On the other hand, he has come up with a thought for dinner; rather than going to the usual sushi place, he remembers that other one you and I went to once a little further out, and wants to try it. I’ve sent out a message to the usual gang, and if we can get together, we can still make this a little special for him.

Just as long as we (and the waitstaff, although in a conveyer-belt sushi place, that should be less of an issue) don’t sing “Happy Birthday” to him.

So you can see how my mind is in a different place, rather than focusing on what might or might not happen this evening between myself and Grace. The fact of the matter is, that I may very well be too distracted to really care about it.

Even today’s events are enough to keep me preoccupied from dwelling too much upon it. Not only do I have a few things I want to get done at the ‘office,’ both personally and professionally for the camp, but I intend to leave early enough to get in another workout this afternoon (as well as – obviously – a shower and a change of clothes thereafter), but still leave enough time to get me to the fountain at Harmony Park before I’ve asked her to meet me, so we can decide where to go to eat and talk.

Oh, and as a side note; I may have mentioned this before, but I should point this out, since it’s a definite change in ‘the rules’ of dating since our day. It’s even something the sites recommend explicitly, in fact. But back in our day, you’ll recall that the custom was for the guy to pick the girl up from her home (or dorm, or wherever she was staying) and bring her back afterwards. That situation, however, leaves her vulnerable and dependent upon him to return home, and if the date somehow goes sour, she’s out of a means to get out of it. The rules change can either be looked at as a sad fact of the decline of our society, or an acceptance and accommodation of an unfortunate possibility that has existed since time immemorial. Take your pick.

But back to my preparations for today, I even have a distraction incorporated into my afternoon. I tried to get in a workout yesterday, in fact (for the first time in just under a week), and fell juuust short of a seven-minute mile on the rowing machine, despite having to deal with two phone calls interrupting me, and forcing me to start over both times – which I guess is a win in its own right, as I got that much more time in than I otherwise would? But on the exercise bike, I was halfway into a seven-mile ride when the lights went out, the resistance failed, and I’m suddenly literally spinning my wheels. I did try to keep going for a bit, but without the resistance of the force feedback (either for the simulation of the gearshift or inclines), it lacks something. Meanwhile, on the treadmill, one can make the strip move by walking on it, but with the power off, it ironically requires a lot of arm strength to force it to do so. Either way, while they’re not useless, they don’t really serve their intended purpose, so, after a little work on the free weights, I went home after half an hour, promising to myself to do more today.

The only thing is, there might not be anything going on today; I got an email from the gym informing us members of the power outage last night; that it was still unresolved even at that late hour, and would not be open today until the matter was fixed – so at best, phone ahead to confirm, and at worst, assume the place is closed.

Yeah, so I’ve got a few things to think about apart from tonight’s date. And since I can’t expect that anything’s going to come of it – much like my attitude toward travel these days, at least in the buildup to departure – why get too concerned about it all?

Still, if you could keep an eye on me, honey, I’d appreciate it. Oh, and wish me luck; I’m going to need it.