Dearest Rachel –
There are days when I look back over the day at ‘work,’ and think to myself that I spent it doing anything but. It’s not that I regret the time spent just playing around with the computer, mind you, but when the folks ask about what I did, and if I accomplished something at the end of the day (which, admittedly, doesn’t happen every day, but happens more often than not), it’s mildly embarrassing to admit that, really, not much got done. I can never quite bring myself to tell them the truth, that I was just using the computer as a glorified toy, even though I’m well within my rights to do so if I please.
Of course, there’s the question of what constitutes ‘playing around,’ and what, by comparison, is truly serious business. It may me a matter of discipline for me to ensure that I write you every day, but as it’s not something I can (or should, in my mind – I suppose I could, but it wouldn’t be right) monetize, it’s just playing around. Likewise, for all the time I spend collecting and testing components pertaining to AI art, primarily to amass a collection of unreal memories of you (or, I sometimes tell myself to justify it, to have a pictorial representation of something that happened between us that neither of us thought to capture on film), that, too, seems like just goofing around, not accomplishing anything worthwhile or necessary.
Part of the reason I’m thinking about this is the fact that, as the month has rolled over, I need to actually get down to business. I have bank statements to reconcile, book to close, and people are relying on me to get those done at some point. Sure, I’m not getting paid for those services, so it’s not like anyone’s insisting on getting value for the money spent on my time, but it’s a responsibility I need to take seriously, and buckle down to, despite the fact that I’d really rather be doing those things that would otherwise be considered a waste of time.
Along those lines of getting value for money, I’ve gone and gotten a new computer. The one at the ‘office’ has become somewhat balky – indeed, it has been since shortly after I bought it in the winter of 2019-20, when the repair shop suggested I not only turn it off at the end of the day, but effectively unplug it (or at least, turn off the surge protector) at the end of the day. That strategy has served it (and me) well, but that hesitation to get started in the morning (which, to be fair, isn’t unique to computers, after all) has been growing over time, leading me to consider getting something new – and if possible, something portable, given my travel plans – for whenever it finally gives up the ghost. But most of the major specifications I’ve been looking for in its replacement (or, for now, let’s say ‘understudy’) have been due to my desire to continue with these more trivial pursuits. My accounting work, by contrast, doesn’t really require all that much in the way of processing power; I could use almost any of the spares I have hanging around the house.
Then again… I’ve just been studying more about artificial intelligence, and it seems like one could indeed get value for money when it comes to this technology. Just last night, I was watching videos about programming stock trading bots. Basically, the theory is that one could be programmed with any number of trading strategies, and determine whether to buy, sell or hold a stock (be it a company, a commodity or a currency) from one interval of time to the next. If the strategy is sound, presumably each trade could grow the original stake, and little by little (at least, at first) this could blossom into something huge for someone with such a program in place, busily making money for them with no effort on their part but to set it up, and set it to work. If I could figure out the process of doing so, this might be a bigger payoff on this alleged ‘investment’ in this new computer than I might dream of.
Which all sounds well and good; yay, I’d be making money rather than just dinking around. Indeed, since it would practically be an automatic thing, I wouldn’t be doing anything; I’d be freed up to dink around while my computer did all the heavy lifting. But is any of that any more important, really, than the trivial stuff I prefer to spend my time doing?
The thing is, when you left, it really forced me to change my priorities. Given the fragility of life, and how everything in it is essentially worthless in the end, the question of what’s truly ‘important’ has weighed heavily on me. The problem is, I haven’t really come up with any answers as to what’s truly ‘important’ anymore. Sure, this trading bot might be doing something productive with this hyper-sophisticated toy that’s arriving at the house today, but is money really all that important to me? What is money to me, other than a tool to make life just a little easier for myself; be it a chance to see a little more of the world, something to spread out and do a little good in that same world, or just means to buy a few more similar such ‘toys’?
As much as I would like to abide by the Proverbs of Solomon, I find myself drawn most often to his other book, which generally tends to be a bit more cynical. Still, it has its hopeful moments, such as third chapter, which Pete Seeger set so beautifully to music half a century ago. For now, I leave you with the closest thing I have for an answer; at least, until such time as you (or someone else up there) could see your way clear to let me and the rest of humanity in on the secrets of eternity that you’ve finally been made privy to.
So I ·decided it was more important to enjoy life [commended/praised pleasure]. ·The best that people can do [L There is nothing better] ·here on earth [L under the sun; 1:3] ·is [or than] to eat, drink, and ·enjoy life [have pleasure], because these joys will help them do the ·hard work [toil] God gives them ·here on earth [L under the sun; 2:24–26; 3:12–14, 22; 5:18–20; 9:7–10; C the little pleasures are distractions from the meaningless world].
Ecclesiastes 8:15, Expanded Bible
So, until I hear otherwise, I’ll try to do the best that I can, with the tools – or are they toys? – that I’m allowed to have. In the meantime, keep an eye on me, honey, and wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Letters to Rachel 