Can’t Help But Compare

Dearest Rachel –

Waking up ridiculously early this morning isn’t anywhere near as unpleasant as it has been, now that the fan motor has been replaced in the bedroom space heater. Still, without an immediate topic at hand to talk to you about today (since by waking up, I seem to have completely punctured whatever dream I might have had), I suspect I may have difficulty getting back to sleep until I can come up with something – and once I come up with it, I may well be compelled to just keep writing, heedless of whether I’m still tired or not.

Then again, having settled on a topic that doesn’t require urgent transcription, I may yet be able to get some additional sleep in, serene in the knowledge that I have something to discuss with you, and understanding that a little more rest may prove beneficial in sorting my thoughts out before then.

***

This past Sunday, Junior filled us in on things we need to do in order to prepare for regarding our upcoming trip to Israel – including providing a tentative itinerary of places we intend to visit each day while we’re there. He emphasized the ‘tentative’ nature due to possible scheduling conflicts and other potential issues that may crop up – you’ll recall that it was a fairly packed schedule each time we went; ‘an adventure, not a vacation,’ as the promoter of our first trip put it. I made sure to grab an extra copy, since Dad wanted to see it, presumably in order to keep track of where we were from one day to the next.

What I have not been able to do thus far, is to find the notebook we were given on our second trip. Jan and I managed to find my notes from the first one, in 2014, but in the process, I seem to have lost the one from 2018. I don’t know how or why, and it’s mildly upsetting. Curiously, however, is that Junior suggests that this is probably for the best. For whatever reason, he recommends against comparing this trip to previous ones. And, to be sure, his is a voice of experience; his second trip, back in 2020, involved his wife calling him out for commenting frequently about the differences between his first trip (in 2018, which she didn’t join him on) and this second one. And it may well be that, if the comparisons are made in a critical fashion, they may steal some of the joy and wonder of a first time visitor (such as Daniel), so he may have a point.

However, regardless of how much of a point he has, I would assert that he might as well pretend to be King Canute, and attempt to hold back the tides. People will compare things to other things – it’s how we make decisions in life – and we can’t shut that tendency off like water from a spigot. As finite beings (at least, on this earth) with finite amount of time, money and energy, we strive to optimize our use of all three to further our internal goals (which in this case would include various spiritual and intellectual pursuits, as well as the fun and adventure of travel). It’s only natural for us to evaluate what we’re doing, so as to justify the expenditure of these finite resources. It’s the raison d’etre of movie and food critics, for instance. And when we return to a place we’ve traveled to before (complete with the effects of diminishing returns and marginal utility), we can’t help but wonder if it was as worth it for us to do so. It’s only natural.

But I understand what he says about a critical spirit having the potential to ruin (or at least damage) the effect on a first time visitor. Still, maybe that’s just his approach; I am aware of that, in the intervening years between visits, archaeologists continue to discover new things throughout the country, and I expect we’ll see some of those this time around. Sure, they may be at the expense of not visiting other places we’ve been to previously, but we still have those memories – or at least, I still do. Just as an example, I’m perfectly content with the fact that this itinerary does not include a stop in Cana, where a dozen of us couples renewed our vows in front of the (closed, since we arrived a few minutes too late to enter it) church put up on that ‘C-level’ site (indicating the possibility that the events of John 2 may have happened there, but there’s no current way to be sure). Not only are there more sites that are of A- and B-level authenticity to visit, but that particular event is not one I wish to have be an outside observer to, rather than a happy participant.

***

The thought of reenacting the wedding of Cana brings to mind another comparison – or at least the possibility of doing so – that might be equally inadvisable; that of one day, should the Lord so bless me with her presence, comparing ‘Megumi’ to you. Since the two of us would be both starting at very different stages in our life than you and I did, attempting to make a comparison would be unfair to either of you. And yet, I’m sure I would likely find myself doing so, regardless. After all, you were the only model I have to work with in terms of attempting to ascertain what women want, and I may deal with her according to my own experiences with you.

Likewise, I have to bear in mind that she probably will have had experience with other guys, and will deal with me based on those experiences. I knew full well that the fact that I was your only boyfriend ever in your life was an unusual situation – and you were but eighteen when we met! How much more experience will Megumi have by the time she’s somewhere between 45 and 55? And I can’t let myself fault her for treating me the way that worked with someone else, just as she’ll need to understand that I’m likely to treat her as I did you, at least at first.

There’s no getting around the fact that we will compare each other against those who have been in our lives previously. It’s a simple fact of human nature, just like comparing one trip to Israel against the previous one. But we have to take into account that we may see some new sights with each other, and not be so much bothered by the differences as intrigued by them.

To that end, honey, keep an eye on me (and Daniel), and wish us luck. We’re gonna need it.