from Rachel: My Broken Relationships

Why do you suppose Proverbs says so much about relationships with fools?

“Those relationships are the ones that tend to bring the most trouble into a person’s life.”

Summarize in one sentence the teaching of the scriptures you just read.

“Don’t hang around with fools – their foolishness is more easily transferred than your wisdom.”

What strengths have you developed that came at least in part from the pain of rejection?

“(I hear Angela – seventh grade was the absolute worst for isolation and ridicule.)

“I bonded with my mom at a deeper level than ever before (which helped counterbalance the upcoming onset of catty puberty hormone flareups), but I also found the strength to ignore taunts and be true to my own self – as much as I could figure out who ‘she’ was.”

Have you walked a broken road too? How tempting is it to rehash the details instead of searching for God’s deep and abiding healing?

“I’ve had my estrangements from the two drama and trauma queens in my life, but at present we are on good terms. Andrea comes to mind and tears come to my eyes. Why didn’t we try harder to help our friendship grow up with us? We just quietly outgrew each other and had next to nothing in common. Thank You, Lord, that I don’t have any gory details to rehash or stomach churning break ups.”

In light of those verses, when you are broken, where is the Lord?

“Right there with you”

What does God do for the crushed in spirit?

“He saves them.”

Who bought our healing and how?

“Jesus – through His death on the cross.”

Do you want to be healed? Tell Him your answer. Listen as He speaks.

“Of course, though I’m not sure from what exactly. Maybe the next section will clarify. I suppose I need to let go of my childhood more and become more of a productive adult.”

Dearest Rachel –

I know – but will not name – those two ‘drama/trauma queens’ you speak of, and I cannot fathom how you managed to extend as much grace to them as you did. One in particular had an unbelievable habit of denouncing you as a treacherous friend – and promptly ‘unfriending’ you as ‘punishment’ – on a regular basis. I always would tell you to give her what she so often claimed she wanted – you out of her life. I would argue that she demanded it, and it would do your heart a world of good to be rid of her.

But like with Chompers and his biting issues, you saw those behaviors as just more proof of how much she needed a real friend that would stick with her through both thick and thin, and you were determined to be that friend, no matter how often she would insist otherwise. For my part, I was just as glad that she had moved far enough away to preclude you from having to deal with her on any regular basis, as it would be a soul-crushing exercise to have to do so on a day-to-day basis. But that may just have been me; I could never attain your level of patience, even as I have encountered evidence that you had your heart wounded (if not broken) by her on occasion.

At least you managed to build up a resistance to that sort of foolishness (unlike me, as my insistence that you drop one or the other of these people does not reflect well upon me), and thus were not infected by it. However, I’ve not followed up with either of them to determine whether they may have developed a little more wisdom since your passing.

As for childhood friends, well… we all tend to lose touch with those from back that far. I certainly have (which probably doesn’t help in terms of reminiscing about those years of my life, without any link to those days save for my parents’, whose view might very well be biased in my favor). It’s sad, I suppose, but it shouldn’t reflect too badly upon you. And in any event, there is the fact that, as you say, you didn’t make too many truly awful choices in terms of friends or those who might be considered more than friends, like myself. You did well, honey, and should be pleased with how you dealt with those who crossed your path.

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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