from Rachel: I Just Want Everyone to Leave Me Alone

For what other reasons to women pull back, hide, and want everyone to leave them alone?

“Feeling tired and/or overwhelmed – needing some alone time, feeling hurt and vulnerable and therefore fearful of more hurt.”

[starred for emphasis] a description of God’s love based on Ephesians 3:18 and John 3:16:

  • The Breadth – For God so loved the world
  • The Length – that He gave His only Son
  • The Depth – that whoever believes in Him should not perish
  • The Height – but have eternal life.

What does Paul pray for us to have the strength to comprehend?

“The love of Christ to all the fullness of its breadth and length and height and depth.”

What measure of knowledge does he want us to have about what we shall comprehend?

“All of its breadth and the length and height and depth.”

How have you seen God use His people to heal and love the wounded?

“Personally, I don’t know that I have so much, but I’ve had heard Dana tell about several believers who have helped her; I’ve heard the reports after mission trips to Haiti and earlier, Mexico; I’ve heard stats on the marathon (wells dug by World Vision); my godmother was a nurse in an AIDS clinic; etc.”

Dearest Rachel –

The title of this particular day’s study is so far out of character for you, I guess it should come as no surprise that you didn’t write down all that much for me to respond to. In all honesty, it sounds more like something that I would say than you would. Certainly your observation about why people (because come on, this is not something that’s exclusively a female reaction) would try to retreat from others seems like something I seized upon back in high school – having discovered Simon & Garfunkel midway through my career, and I made “I Am A Rock” something of a motto, until I had the chance to reinvent myself in college.

But that wasn’t what you were like, yourself. Sure, there were points in your life when you were weary and exhausted – there were so many nights the three of us would be together in the family room, and you would nod off over your computer, only to return to wakefulness when I would nudge you – but apart from getting that sleep you always claimed you didn’t need, you didn’t seem to find the need to retreat from us or others. You found meaning in involvement with others, and I’m so glad to have been the one you were most involved with.

Like with me, you didn’t often sense God’s hand directly healing and loving, but perhaps that’s because neither of us were as seriously wounded emotionally as to need that sort of level of divine provision. You served as support for others, rather than needing support for yourself, so maybe, like the song says, we “never [saw] the strong hand of Love hidden in the shadows.”

So now I’m left to seek that Hand yet again. Some of it is provided through the support of family and friends; indeed, it’s hard to tell where the impact from individuals ends and God’s own aid begins. I wish I could recognize where His fingerprints were, but I’m left just having to have faith that they’re there for now, while you can presumably see them from your perspective.

Published by randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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