Messages in the Morning

Dearest Rachel –

It’s six-thirty in the morning; I need to get up and prepare myself for the day. It’s ironic that it’s the weekend in which I have to wake up and be somewhere, while during the week, there’s never any rush (although I always feel the need to let the folks know when I’m going to be at the ‘office’ on a given day or not, if only because they appreciate the notice, even if it is but five minutes or so in advance).

It’s also ironic that I still feel the need to wake up, despite having been awake (as in, not asleep) for the past hour or more. I may have been conscious all this time, but I haven’t been alert, and in any event, I haven’t been willing to be awake. I would much rather still be asleep yet, much like you were on most mornings – and being aware of that, I would leave you to do so most mornings as I prepared myself for the day. It’s not like I ever understood how you and Daniel stayed awake into the wee hours of the morning, anyway.

All of which leads into the final irony: it isn’t as if I stayed awake into some ridiculous hour last night, either. After another Friday where E.C. was enthusiastic in the morning about meeting for dinner, only to say nothing about a time to reserve a table (and I wasn’t about to make myself the victim of an April Fools’ Day prank by booking anything without her input) and leave me hanging for the rest of the day while I took care of various office tasks in preparation for winding down the month for the camp (that’s a whole other irony that I’ll comment on in another letter, I think), only to remark that she was preparing dinner for her ailing cousin and her cousin’s newborn when I called things off at five in the evening, and that she would probably be eating with them after all. Would have been nice to know that a bit sooner. I picked dinner up for the boys (as with last week, Logan was over) and myself, holed up in the yellow room, and, somewhere along the way, fell asleep in the recliner, only to be jarred awake by Daniel to let me know that Logan was on his way out.

I was barely awake even then, and once Logan was out the door, I found myself having to apologize to Daniel, but that I was going to simply pick up where I’d left off, only in the room that’s supposed to be set aside for sleep. He was fine with that, we said our goodnights, and I drifted off pretty quickly from there. All of which suggests that it’s not all that unreasonable for me to be awake at five-thirty, but to still wish otherwise seems a bit strange.

And while I was asleep, either before retiring to bed or after, my phone continued to collect messages, which I was in no condition to respond to, or even look at. So I resolved to take a look at them in the morning, and deal with them then.

Even then, it sometimes doesn’t pay to bother. Ruby’s out here, acting at first as if nothing happened, “nothing special today, and I was a really bored today till now that I have been able to hear from you.” And while bringing it up might be like kicking a hornet’s nest, I persist about the shopping date she was supposed to have yesterday. She goes on about how her girlfriends went without her, and how she was trying to hoping to contact me about getting together ‘some good schedules for meeting each other’s’. Even as she goes on, I’m starting to get annoyed; I gave her the opportunity to meet, and do it quickly, but she’s talking about longer-term stuff, despite wanting the money now. She also seems aghast and confused that I want to meet as part of the exchange of funds, even as she complains that she needs it by today in order to be prepared for the wedding next weekend (which she corrects, saying she meant the ninth, not the sixth). On top of which, she claims her uncle has had a fire at his home, and she needs to help him out somehow; she even sends a picture of the interior of a pretty burnt-out house, so I guess she’s over there now…?

Honestly, even setting the money issue aside (which I’m sure you realize that I’m perfectly aware is no more than a scam), I wish she’d stop contacting me, now that it’s obvious. I think I’m just going to have to send her lines about my friends and family, and the idea of keeping a ‘secret’ relationship back at her pretty soon.

Meanwhile, on the subject of uncles, it turns out that E.C. is going to have to go back to hers pretty soon – as in, tomorrow. According to her, her visa extension wasn’t granted, so she has to return to South Africa (oh, did I mention that her mom was from there, and her dad was from Germany, despite being taken from Michigan to Phoenix for burial? Yeah, there’s that. Evidently, they were hoping to bring her over from Johannesburg once they’d gotten a home in Phoenix, but then their plane crashed and all that. Not entirely sure it all adds up, but this is the story as I’ve received it), and apply from there for a new three-year term. So that’s the end of this possibility, as well. At this point, I’m almost waiting for her to ask for help getting her flown back; nothing would surprise me at this point.

Well, nothing except someone actually wanting to meet up with me.

Anyway, that brings everything back down to square one again. Not much more to say about any of this except the usual: keep an eye out for me, and wish me luck. Clearly, I’m still gonna need it.

Love you honey, and I’ll keep in touch.

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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