The Wit and Wisdom of Strangers’ Shirts

Dearest Rachel –

Since you expressed yourself so much through the clothes you wore (particularly, your T-shirts), I probably should tell you about a few that I’ve been seeing as I’ve gone about the ship from time to time. Most of them are fairly straightforward, with favored bands, sports teams and alma maters, but every now and then, there are those that seize the attention and imagination, and I thought maybe you’d get a kick out of them.

Bear in mind, they come and go so quickly, that it rarely occurs to me to ask for a picture. In any event, taking a picture of someone else’s chest (especially one if that someone is a female) has got to seem a little bit weird, to put it charitably, so I’m not gonna bother for the most part.

I already mentioned the girl who claimed to be her own reality show, but here a few other sightings that I’ve come across in my wanderings back and forth from one deck to another.


“I have no cruise control; these things book themselves” I would imagine this is specific to this week’s adventure. Similarly, I also spotted someone whose shirt read, “Help! I’m on a family vacation!” Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad…

Along those same lines, I caught a glimpse of a shirt reading that “a laugh is an instant vacation.” Not bad, considering where we are. Sometimes, a laugh can be better, if considerably shorter. I certainly could use a few more of them, just to remind myself of where I am.


“Yes, but did you die?” I suppose it’s a more polite take on the ‘cool story, bro’ slogan that’s been making the rounds, but it’s still a peculiar question. I’m sure the joke is that the question hardly needs asking, but still, it seems silly. It did get my attention, though.


In a store in Oranjestad, one of the staffers was wearing a shirt saying “Chicks talk too much.” And before you get bent out of shape at how misogynist that is, bear in mind that the image was of Snoopy listening to Woodstock chattering on.


Here’s a quick interlude, from when I was ashore in Curaçao. Granted, this isn’t a T-shirt, but it sure seems to belong on one; I certainly give the designer credit for the sly subtlety:

If I’m reading it correctly, the combination of those two symbols suggests that the driver thinks that he ‘turns women on.’ Clearly, this gentleman has an enormous, ENORMOUS… amount of confidence in himself.

Also spotted in Curaçao was one with a column of numbers: .22, .380, 9mm, .40, .45. Alongside the column, the shirt bore the legend “All faster than calling 911.” Well, I guess so…

Similarly in the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, I saw one guy who’s shirt read: “Keep Calm and Lepre-chaun,” with the name of the little fellow deliberately split in order to conform to the poster style.


Had to think about this one for a moment: “П-mp”. Don’t know if the guy was a math geek, or just trying to slip something past the radar. In any event, he wasn’t decked out in true style to pass as a real one – you know, the feathered hat and gold-tipped cane and the like. It does occur to me that some fraternity might (or might have) embraced this same ethos by calling themselves Pi Mu Rho, but I don’t know if the joke would necessarily translate in such a case.

Equally puzzling is a girl wearing a shirt saying ‘Birthday Boy.’ I suppose it’s possible that’s the name of a band, but really?


Seen at lunch one day: “I run on coffee, CHAOS, and cuss words”. Would have been a bit more appropriate at breakfast, but it isn’t as if you’re expected to change shirts throughout the day. Interestingly enough, I spotted the same woman in the same shirt a couple days later in the Solarium. She’s nothing if not consistent.


At the airport, I see a tired father carrying a crying little girl on his shoulders. Her T-shirt read “Little Miss Fussy.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more appropriate; I’m wondering how they got her to wear that shirt, though, considering how insulting it is to her.


Anyway, that was just a little bit of fun stuff I’d been collecting throughout my recent travels. Hope you liked it. I’ll catch up with you later today, I should hope.

Until then, keep an eye out for me, honey. Love you.

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I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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