from Rachel: Made for a Mission

Question to consider: What fears have kept me from fulfilling the mission God made me to accomplish? What keeps me from telling others the Good News?

“5/25

“My fears when I consider discussing my faith start with a panicky nervousness that makes my throat feel tight like I may not be able to speak at all.

“I also fear rejection, a defensive attack, or the end of our relationship at whatever level. I think my biggest fear, however, is doing/saying something wrong in some way that results in the opposite of the desired effect – confirming their unbelief, and/or pushing them away from God and Jesus.”

Dearest Rachel –

It’s weird to see you comment on your fears toward sharing your faith; you were always much more upfront about it compared to myself. To this day, I’m not one to wear church merch, in part because I’m not prepared for the possibility of discussing the subject. I also worry that I don’t represent the ‘brand’ very well – it’s why I never wanted any bumper sticker mentioning the subject, as my driving might not necessarily be the best advertisement for Him and His people (that, and I don’t have the greatest of respect for those who declare their opinions on their cars – I’ve even heard that one’s tendency toward road rage is directly proportional to the number of bumper stickers one has, regardless of topic, and I just refuse to be ‘that guy’).

The thing is, this was written nearly eighteen years ago, and I remember a more recent version of you, one that had grown into your faith. You were the one who would wear shirts with a Bridge logo on them, and hand out business cards when the opportunity presented itself. I won’t say that you were fearless, but you always had less fear than I did (and do), deep down.

And while you wanted to be liked, I don’t remember you being concerned about it getting in the way of letting people know about your faith and your church. Maybe it’s just the fact that our church has been growing and thriving for the last decade, making it something worth talking about. I don’t know. What I do know, is that the timidity of this version of you ultimately faded over time.

I just wish we had the courageous version of you back. Heck, I’d settle for any version of you back, but for the sake of this mission, the less fear, the better.

I’m going to point out that you skipped a couple of days here, probably because you were already falling behind. For what it’s worth, the only reason I was able to keep up with taking notes for each day was because I was just making notes on the original content, whereas you were doing actual self introspection. So I’m not about to pat myself on the back here.

Not that this should come as any great surprise, but I do wish I had more from you at this point. Still, I’m grateful for what I had – indeed, what we all had – of you.

Published by randy@letters-to-rachel.memorial

I am Rachel's husband. Was. I'm still trying to deal with it. I probably always will be.

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